Childhood abuse - rape or not? (Possible trigger)

[Baicha]

I was abused by an uncle who came to stay with us 3 or 4 times a year, from when I was 9 until I was 14
The first year I suppose was mainly 'grooming' & some inappropriate touching but after that there were lots of sex acts including intercourse. I was young, to an extent I didn't really understand what was happening, I remember being scared BUT I didn't put up a fight, (I don't even remember saying no) and just allowed things to happen. So, would it be classed as rape or could it be conceived as consensual?

 

[Sunstealer]

Hello
Im sorry you have been through that.
There is no question in my mind that this is rape. No child can ever be responsibl for these things. And its more than rape, but i dont know what those things are called in english, but the touching and other sex acts is also illiegal. This man should be send to jail.
That however is very difficult unless there is proof or he admits to doing it.
Are you getting any therapy for this? Or have you have that in the past?

 

[Deety]

Hi Baicha, I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Absolutely, this is rape. There is no ability to consent to sexual acts when you are that age, and have been groomed by an adult. You didn't need to put up a fight or say no for this to be rape. This man raped you.
How old are you now, and is there still contact with this man?

 

[Baicha]

It was a long time ago @Sunstealer I had a hard time dealing with the aftermath when it stopped but I learnt to cope - or thought I had. A recent near/possible marriage break up brought a lot of stress and the nightmares and flashbacks began again. I'm now seeing my GP regularly, am medicated for depression and waiting for counseling to start.
Thinking about something my husband said made me wonder if if I was making it sound more dramatic than it was

 

[Deety]

I am so sorry your husband has made you question the validity of your feelings about what happened, that sounds very insensitive.
Something very bad happened to you, and understandably you have been having difficulty with processing (rather than just repressing?) it.

 

[Baicha]

@Deety I'm 51 now, there was contact until I was about 31 but nothing since.
If it hadn't been for the recent stress causing flashbacks & nightmares again i would have thought it 'dealt' with - just goes to show how easily the veneer can crack. I've always known I was damaged but I've never let it define who I am. Prior to the last six months, I hadn't had either since I was about 22.

 

[Sunstealer]

Ok
I dont think you can make it to dramatic. Nothing. exept maybe war, can be more devastating to a child.
Also it sound like you might have ptsd, have you been diagnosed with this?

 

[Deety]

Flashbacks and nightmares about the abuse and rape must be difficult to cope with, I'm so pleased you will be getting counselling to help. All the best, I hope it goes well, and just remember it isn't for anyone else to judge what you went through and your husband's perception probably comes of a place of ignorance/and or a lack of empathy. I have never been through anything like that, but I can only imagine how traumatic it was for you.

 

[Acy]

Baicha, I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through. I'm glad you are seeing your GP and will be seeing a counsellor soon.

In my own experience, old hurts have sometimes resurfaced when I've faced difficult new situations. We might have been dealing/coping well enough, but if there is enough new stress/pain, the old hurts seem to flare a bit, too. Maybe we could call it "emotional arthritis - not necessarily a new injury, but the old injury hurts from time to time even now.

You are doing all the right things. I sure hope you keep talking to us. And I wish you well in your healing journey. *

 

[Baicha]

@Sunstealer my GP thought my depression could be related to delayed PTSD but when I had the assessment with the mental health worker, she asked a lot of questions and said that she didn't think I had. For the time being, I've been offered counselling rather than therapy (as in cognative behaviour therapy) but if I dont feel it's helping then I can always ask to be referred for therapy instead. I've just got to wait for a counsellor to become available (I'm uk based and going through the NHS)

Thank you @Acy that's a good way to look at it.

 

[Cupcakes]

Hi Baicha, I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you so young. I'd say that this is rape because no child would be consensual without knowing what sex is.

Good to hear that you are seeing a GP. And, your husband should be more protective over you and helping you cope with this as for now. Talk to the counselor on how you're feeling from the past and your current emotions as well.

 

[Walker]

Children cannot consent to anything, that's why they are kids. Don't think for a moment that you "allowed" anything to happen or it was your "fault" or you "let" something go on. These are the tools of the perpetrator. I hope you get some help asap.