I need help. When I last wrote, I was doing well. I’m worried now because I’m on vacation in St. Thomas, a beautiful place, and still having suicidal thoughts. I think it’s a matter of habit, though; I was obsessed with suicide for 7 months until I finally made a halfhearted attempt last month. Now I’m on lithium but I’m afraid that if I’m still having the thoughts after 2 hospitalizations and so much therapy and the fact that I’m on a great vacation, what’s going to happen when I’m back at my lame job and probably still not sleeping well?
I thought lithium would fix this, but like I said, after 7 months of obsession I have to unlearn this habit. I don’t want to kill myself although I am bipolar as hell. My mom believes I’ll burn in hell if I commit suicide. I can’t put her through any more pain. And if I make another attempt, my sister Tina will absolutely kill me. I don’t really want to die, I don’t think. Most of the time, I don’t want to die. I’m just super mentally ill. I can’t act on these thoughts again, no matter how depressed and suicidal I feel.
I thought lithium would fix this, but like I said, after 7 months of obsession I have to unlearn this habit. I don’t want to kill myself although I am bipolar as hell. My mom believes I’ll burn in hell if I commit suicide. I can’t put her through any more pain. And if I make another attempt, my sister Tina will absolutely kill me. I don’t really want to die, I don’t think. Most of the time, I don’t want to die. I’m just super mentally ill. I can’t act on these thoughts again, no matter how depressed and suicidal I feel.
