Chronically unemployed software developer

[n4jm4]

Hi.

My name is Andrew.

My special interest is computer programming.

I have a bachelors in Computer Science.

Twenty years of professional experience.

An extensive open source portfolio where I publish software for free. Cybersecurity tools. Tools for building crossplatform software. Tutorials. Video editors.

On the job, I turn in my work early.

I try so hard to get along with people, even and especially when they get on my nerves. I place seven layers of politeness on top of everything I say, because I'm used to working with monsters. I don't hold people to the same standard as myself, because evidently it's all vaporware here. They hire on charm. On nepotism. On appearances. Never stated qualifications.

Doesn't matter. I believe that humans don't communicate to exchange information, but rather to sniff butts. Like dogs. Everything is so goddamn performative.

I've held no fewer than three positions where the job posting was for Go coding, the interview was for Go coding, my background emphasizes Go coding, but the manager bans Go. You can't make this shit up. Every single workplace has a bespoke set of insane policies written by a different insane demon. They have no perspective. But I compromise. Empathize. Treat everyone with respect. Just to get none back.

I volunteer for work tasks, only to get refused. I make no distinction between engineers vs nonengineers. I back up my statements with evidence. I work hard, often past midnight, constantly improving my craft. I prioritize. I balance short term needs with long term goals.

I went out of my way to get a Scrum certificate, constantly seeking new perspectives. "Don't put that on your resume, it makes you look like a novice."

"Don't even MENTION virtual machines." When I would build features in VM's that containers couldn't deliver. I have a history with both of these technologies, but hiring teams are lead by monkeys.

I'm so tired of this human species.

No one wants to work with me.

I've had multiple recruiters insist that time spent discussing open source contributions during interviews carries negative value.

I've been yelled at during phone interviews.

I've had job offers rescinded.

I've never gotten a promotion.

I've never gotten a raise that kept up with inflation.

I've had coworkers create a blog just to make fun of my SAST tools.

I've never been retained for longer than two years. Usually, they fire me right before Christmas.

I HATE being told "We're a family." I hate onboarding merch. They're just going to ultimately fire me, like all the rest.

I hate publishing fuzzers, an industry leading technique for detecting software bugs, only to watch people who consistently fail to deliver code, keep their jobs.

I hate hearing about AI.

I've gone as long as two years between roles.

I hate watching news headlines every day about data leaks. When they could hire me to help combat those data leaks.

I hate being physically unable to submit a job application, because the job application form was vibe coded and doesn't pass its own broken validation logic. When my specialty is reliability.

I hate how casually billions of dollars are invested in massacres. But no roles for me.

I hate how my last boss not only didn't offer a permanent role, but refused to extend my contract. After pouring out my heart and soul to supplicate to the team.

I hate how nobody believes that I pick my battles. I backlog hundreds of areas of improvement, pitching only those few items of high value, low effort. In an ecosystem where everything is built on rotting cherry stems and duct tape.

I hate how auticon fired me, after promising continuous employment.

I hate being the only one who cares if I live.

I hate how rent goes up, food cost goes up, gasoline goes up, but wages are zero.

I hate how Hollywood preaches that the underdog will enjoy a fairy tale ending. When real people kick anyone who's already down. Been that way for aeons.

I hate how casually hiring managers toss out the question "But what about these employment gaps?" YOU ARE THE GAP, NOT ME. The quicker they hire me, the longer they retain me, the fewer the gaps. But unfortunately we live on the blue torture planet. They want performative. So I smile. I refuse to lie, like so many others. And it's never enough to these unicorn feasters.

I hate trying.

Lately, they won't so much as interview me.

I've tried everything. Engaging in professional networking events. Presenting at networking events. Applying to thousands of jobs. I told the last person on LinkedIn to propose a job/gig to kill himself. Because for all the pomp and circumstance, they genuinely do not care if I starve to death.

I've tried therapy.

I've tried polishing my resume. Updating my LinkedIn profile. Reaching out to dozens of neurodivergent support services.

I've reached out to state employment services. Merged code changes to FAANG company projects. Again, nothing works.

I'm no longer interested in engaging with these predatory interviewing processes. Each rejection/ghosting just triggers a fresh wave of deep depression. I'm fighting off daily intrusive, violent thoughts. If I walked into an in-person interview now, I would shoot everyone I saw, saving one bullet for myself. I'm disgusted of being treated like absolute shit.

Seeking onion resources.

 

[seabird]

Welcome to Sf @n4jm4. I'm sorry for circumstances which bring you here, but glad you found us.

I hope you stay around, and find support if you want - which is in abundance here. Life and peace despite what is often the case for many of us: bad situations.

The violence coming from the intrusive thoughts is not okay. I'm sorry that's happening.

 

[cymbele]

Can't help you as I just got retired - it was either retire or get laid off. I just wanted to say I understand.

Although I was a hardware EE my interviewing process and resume skills seem to mirror your struggles. You might say I was a chronically unemployed EE.

I just want to say to keep plugging. i was in the right occupation job wise but always the wrong seat or task within an organization. So I would get laid off or put into the position of having to jump for another job. So I feel for you.

 

[n4jm4]

Hang in there doesn't pay the bills.

 

[may71]

Hello Andrew, welcome to SF
I'm sorry you've been through so much for so long.

They hire on charm. On nepotism. On appearances. Never stated qualifications.

Unfortunately, this is true. Corporations are self interested institutions that tend to be filled with self interested people. They also officially have to pretend not to have self interested priorities, so this creates webs of lies. Those who succeed in the corporate environment tend to be those who know how navigate a sea of lies, who are comfortable dwelling in a house of lies. Who are skilled at the politics of the organization rather than actually doing something useful.

I backlog hundreds of areas of improvement, pitching only those few items of high value, low effort.

The problem may be that your manager may not actually want improvement. Improvement means work. Improvement means something could go wrong that they could be blamed for. They don't want areas of low effort, they want areas of no effort. As long as there are no signals of trouble being sent to their own boss, they can keep their jobs and maybe get promoted. So they want to dodge blame, dodge work, dodge responsibility, and maybe also get some praise if they're bucking for a promotion, whether the praise is deserved or not. Positive outcomes for clients or the long term success of the company don't matter, unless it's somehow tied to the self interest of the manager.

I've been yelled at during phone interviews.

I'm sorry this happened. It's outrageous.

I've had coworkers create a blog just to make fun of my SAST tools.

I don't know what SAST tools are, but it's also outrageous for a coworker to do something like this to another coworker, especially in such an open way.

Seeking onion resources

I'm sorry I don't understand what onion resources are.

Every US state (I'm assuming you're in the US) has an employment resource for people with disabilities. It's often called "vocational rehabilitation" or something similar. They usually work with clients that are typically at a lower level of pay that you're likely at, but they still may be able to help. In many cases all you need to qualify is to have a disability that that is an obstacle to work. One of the things they might be able to help you with would be starting your own business.

Entrepreneurship may be a good path for you. I'm thinking about how small municipal water systems often lack cybersecurity and are vulnerable to attack. If you can find a niche market that a big corporation doesn't want to compete for, you may be able to offer a cyber security solution and charge a subscription fee to keep it running. Clients are going to care a lot more about getting a working product delivered than about nonsense that employers would be concerned with.

I hope something can help.

 

[painfully]

removed