Completely Empty

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Downpour, Jul 24, 2013.

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  1. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    The past few months have been rough. I've been taking medication for about a month and I've been different kinds of therapy for at least that long. I don't know if it's getting any better. I think I have more good days than I used to, but maybe that's because of a recent change in my situation. I still think about killing myself. I still have very bad days when I have no reason not to kill myself. Maybe it's beginning to get better. I don't know. I feel blah and empty, devoid of emotion. The problem is I will have exhausted my mental health insurance benefits at the end of this month. No more therapy. No more visits with the psychiatrist. They don't know if the dosage or the medication is correct, but this week is their last chance to adjust it before I'm no longer their problem. I don't know how much the therapy is helping, but at least it has been some support. And now there's nothing. I don't know if I have the strength to support myself anymore. This episode of depression has possibly been the worst one so far, and I just don't have any strength left. I think there are some low cost resources in the area, but I don't have the energy or motivation to search it out. It seems like every time I start to see a glimmer of hope, that hope is ripped away.

    I don't really have a question here. I just needed to express my thoughts and worries. Maybe someone out there has some words of wisdom or a magic solution. I doubt it though.


    (And, by the way, I tried to post this once, but I don't think it went through. So if this is a duplicate, please delete it. Thanks.)
     
  2. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Downpour,
    I am so sorry you are going through this, find support on here by talking to others.
    Please don't harm yourself, does anything trigger your depression? It is so hard coping with any health problem.
    Do things you enjoy doing, you are doing so well. Well done for reaching out to others.
    Take care
    Kate
     
  3. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    I don't know if anything triggers the depression. I'm just messed up to begin with. At least I'm not feeling suicidal today, hopeless but not suicidal.
     
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    that's good... good you arn't feeling suicidal

    what are you doing right now in terms of life... do you go to colledge?. work?. have you something forfilling is what i'm asking really
     
  5. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    Right now, there's no school or work. I'm just a stay-at-home mom. I don't know how many times I've been told to snap out of the depression, and I resented it every single time. But now, I feel like I should be able to snap out of it. I've exhausted all the available treatment options and I'm not as suicidal as before, so all that's left is for me to snap out of it. My logic here doesn't make sense, right? But that really is my only option. If I don't get over it, I'll have to keep going on like this and I can't do that. I can't take it anymore. I want so bad to be done with this, and I thought that this time, the treatment would work. Finally, I would be done with the depression and it wouldn't come back because I would be fixed. But I know it's going to end up like every other time. Assuming I don't become incredibly suicidal again, I will slowly find myself emerging from this depression. It will leave, and life will go back to "normal". But then, one day, maybe in a few months or in a few years, it will be back. And when that happens, I'm afraid I'll be even more alone and isolated and worse off than I am now.
     
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    do you have anything you want to do..... if/ when the depression lifts, is their something you really want to work towards?

    maybe you should focus on that... focus on something that means something to you- something you want for yourself
     
  7. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Downpour,
    Sorry you have been told to snap out of it, you can't and this isn't your fault. Not sure if you have tried any therapy? To help you think differently and cope better with your life? Not sure if that is an option for you. Can you join any local groups and meet other mums, single mums even to help your feeling of isolation?
    In the UK you can get help from health visitors, if the depression started after the birth or during pregnancy. They do listening visits and can advise on other services? Have you tried combination therapy with your medication works for some if an option?
    Crying helps me, get my distress out. You need some interests in your life, to help you start to enjoy life again. You are a great mum and please don't be so hard on yourself. People don't understand depression unless they have suffered it themselves. Jobs or voluntary work help with an sense of achievement, hobbies can do that. Art is very relaxing and you can learn at any age.
    I know it's hard to want to do anything, but you can do a bit more each day to build up your stamina alone. A walk for a few minutes and increasing that helps get you outside and see some of life.
    Please believe you can get better. Please rant or seek help on here anytime it often helps.
    Take care
    Kate
     
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