Confused and lonely

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by caspar, Jan 14, 2015.

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  1. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I read on another forum recently, a theory about depression which I find I relate to quite a bit What the poster said was that depression was a response to what a human being would view as an unsolvable problem. They said that humans were wired to be problem solvers, that is basically a big part of our cognitive power, and a lot of things human do is fundamentally problem solving. So if a person comes up against something that they view as unsolvable, or unresolvable or that jars with their view of the world it can cause depression.

    I guess one of my problems is that I can't seem to make friends as easily as other people do. I'm a bit reserved and anxious around people which might be part of the problem, but even when I get talking to someone I can't seem to keep the relationship going. To be honest I tend to obsess about this issue. I just feel huge pain that I can't seem to do something everyone else can do. Everything I try to do to solve the problem doesn't really work. Sometimes I even make friends and they end up rejecting me, and that hurts too. I feel so confused about everything and it's so painful. Apparently humans are social creatures so maybe that's why social rejection is so painful. I don't know what to do, this problem is only going to get worse as I get older, being alone when you're old seems like the most frightening thing.

    Edit: I guess what I want to ask is how to get out of a thought loop such as this one. How to not care about being alone. I like my alone time but I need friends. I don't see how I can live without good friends in my life. I just see it as part of being a happy human being, so I can't see anyway out of this problem other than by killing myself. How do I stop caring about people rejecting me, about seeing other people with their friends.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2015
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Caspar, in order to attain friends it's about trusting others. It can be hard and cause some people anxiety when socializing. Sometimes things work out or they get out of hand. We learn from our mistakes and try to become a better person.

    You must not be disheartened but treat every day as a new experience of life. It may sound easy but it is hard. You have to be strong within yourself and become more self-confident.

    Just be strong Caspar. We get knock-backs but we learn from our experiences.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2015
  3. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I'm not exactly what you mean by trusting others? Like trust that their motives are good or trust that they will like me? I try to be strong but when the same things keep happening over and over again and I don't understand why...I try to be strong but I feel upset and in pain most of the time about my life. There just seems to be something I'm doing wrong and I'm so confused and dejected. To be honest I'm a scientist at heart, I need to know the 'whys' behind everything, so this is really taking it's toll on me. I try and learn and better myself but it doesn't seem to any good. I often feel like I struggle way more than most people. I think I may be sending some unconscious vibes that make people avoid me, but I don't know how to solve this. Sorry if I sound negative, I do appreciate your reply, it was written in an encouraging way.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you the reply. I understand that you try to seek reasoning about what has happened and that comes from your thought process.

    Sometimes the way humans respond can be illogical and cannot be explained. You need to accept what happens and try not dwell on the past. The more you dwell about situations, the more you hurt yourself. We all suffer but try to focus on the positive aspects of life. Keep posting as it will help you to release any anguish you have.
     
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