I have a therapist I really like. I think she's really the only one who has listened and heard me in the 30 years I've gone to therapy.
Things have been getting worse in my life and she can see it. (I'm not exaggerating.) This past week she asked me to check in every day because she was afraid for my safety. So, each day I promised I was *physically* safe. I was shut down and could not speak but each day I would send a quick text or email just saying I was checking in and would check in the following day. I feared if I didn't she would be concerned and send the police.
Today at the start of our session she asked if I wanted to stop therapy. This caught me off guard. I think she does realize that she can't help me but there isn't anyone that can. That's been established over the past 30 years. I'm very confused.
She emailed me a list of resources and this forum was one of them
Hey could be a number of reasons for this, I suppose. . . I'm sorry this decision was rendered, or at least put & pressed to your attention now, as it may have been a situation where she felt uncomfortable with the level of care now being required (round the clock "watch," for lack of a better way of saying it...) & many therapist, I have found, will drop a client - or look to get them services elsewhere, once the stage of planning & such has progressed beyond the mere, not so much infancy stages of course, but more... as in (going from on the ideation scale or front) 'passive,' to more 'active.'
As they then feel their hands are tied, and the weapons (here again probably a poor choice of...) at their disposal seem minimal, from a resource or any other reasonable standpoint tool(s)-wise. And so, therefore then, they often prefer to I guess you might say: "Pass the buck." In my mind it is up to you how you'd want to play this now.
Or how you'd like to see things transpire, from here. Should you wish want & desire to keep her, in your life for the professional help & support she can provide you with, as you've said, first one that's helped / worked in 30 years. So I mean - to me, anyway - this signifies something/or someone, should her mind not already be irreparably made-up; who is worth fighting for. Or over.
So you could present to her your feelings now, and how you have been navigating things, why you've done so (an over-abundance of trust towards her, perhaps?) that's led you to say & do, think/feel etc. the way you have with her as of late. And that you can do a better job (provided that you think you're capable) of being better--or acting more stable / & less (actively) suicidal.
In other words doing your best & what you can to remain in the passive phase, as it were. So as to keep &/or continue to have her "nerves calmed," & 'less fried.'
Sometimes, they can be delicate, sensitive souls, very unable to be I can't think or figure out how I'd want to phrase it, sorry! But they don't want this on their hands. That responsibility.
Which is another reason a lot of them, or many anyway, will run at the first sign of trouble (I'm actively now suicidal).
And I'm not necessarily talking about getting up to & being all of the way to full-blown crisis intervention stage, but just once it reaches the point where it seems inevitable, and that their methods or their techniques & their strategies and their tactics, have little practical and reasonable meaningful value for or to you. Most or many jump ship (here again, poor. . .)~*> Best wishes, and I hope it turns out the way you like!
s.
Hoping for the best!