So I've been thinking this over for like two days now and I still cannot get to the bottom of how I feel about everything or why I'm acting the way I am. There's so much trauma in my life and I think what I'm going through now with my fiancé is from the trauma. I find myself completely irritated by everything he says to me. I tell him that all the mental health team involved with me have an agenda. He replies with "no they dont". He doesn't try to talk to me about it. We've been round and round in circles where he thinks he's right and I think I am right. The problem is we aren't talking to each other. I got so angry last night i threw one of my trainers across the room in his direction. Am i, through frustration about my situation with mental health services, turning into my dad. Am I going to be this abusive person which I don't want to be. I can't stop the rage. It over whelms me. It overwhelms me that I get plastered with medication which won't help my EUPD. Flashbacks from my trauma (C-PTSD) and worry that I'm turning into these people who hurt me so badly when I wasn't even old enough to understand. I need to go back to CAT therapy I think. EUPD is a life sentence. I've done their courses twice and neither time it has worked. I'm sentenced to a life of such huge pain it makes my chest ache, It makes me hurt so much pain that I don't know how I get out of bed every day and try to make the day work. As for my Fiancé I love him to the moon and stars and back, but I wish he had got a better deal than me. I wish he had found someone better than me.