Contacting a past bully...?

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by KK99, Nov 27, 2012.

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  1. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    I don't see myself going to high school reunions any time soon - I'm 18 - and I dropped out. :eek:ffended:

    So...I'm not even sure if it would be a good class has already graduated and stuff-*I'm getting off topic.* Whoops. >.<

    Anyways...I think I forgave them, but there's this little piece of me that wants to ask them why, or just to talk... or for them to apologize. I'm afraid that they won't remember bullying me, or they will be completely ignorant about it, etc.


    If I were to send the bullies a message, first, I wouldn't even be sure of what to say....

    Can anyone help?
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    You probably have to face the fact that they've very possibly moved on hun. .....from considering you as a factor in their lives.

    For the sake of your own peace-of-mind, consider the option of mentally putting the bullies into the "water under the bridge" basket. You know what your truth was in the matter, that is the only thing that matters. It is impossible to change other peoples' minds over anything by persuasion if they are not willing to do that - and you writing to them might just open up a can of worms (I don't know the details obviously) and add more fuel to their 'fire'.

    Also, you could try telling yourself "My worth and value is not in their hands"..... "I am well able to survive and flourish without their good opinion"...... etc.
  3. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    Yeah...I think I have to agree.

    I just thought maybe it would be better to contact them or something. XP

    What was I thinking? lol!
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I read this and I know how it feels to have been bullied and to just wonder "What on earth made them do it?" So your post makes me wonder what you could be hoping for if you were to contact them...And I took that further, to wonder "What if they didn't come through with what you hoped for?"

    An apology or even just an acknowledgement that they offered freely would be great if you and the person chanced to meet at some unknown time and place. When we go seeking out people, we often have an agenda, a hoped-for response. And in doing that, we hand them power over us and our feelings. urPrecious makes an excellent point that maybe it's time to recognize your own value and worth and not let it be in the hands of someone who hurt you before.
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Attempts to re-engage in any way, even to just talk, only feeds them fuel and gives them power. If they did you wrong, then they have little value. De-valuate them and understand that they were wrong and that they have to live with who they are.
  6. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    After dropping out of high school, due to bullies, I was invited to a reunion, this last spring - 30 years later.

    I had always had fantasies about what I'd like to do to them, or what I'd like to see - everything from revenge, to the revenge of "I'm better off without you/better than you", to contacting them for apologies.

    One thing I have learned from all of it, and from 30 years of waiting is: even people you think were your friends will have changed so much, and you will have changed so much, that its like seeing whole, new people. Most of the bullies have/had no idea what they were doing, and honestly didn't care. They're not going to remember you. Even friends at the time may not remember you. I had the embarrassment of someone contacting me, and I was not a bully, whom I didn't remember, but to them I was a very important part of their lives, at the time. I still do not remember. I was blessed to make some new friends, out of old high school (and grade school) friends, and we still talk and get on, just as if nothing had changed. But that's not always so, and I've learned that.

    The other thing about bullies is, really, they didn't care at the time, they would not care now. Any time you contact a bully (and I'm saying this, also, from personal experience) you are only putting yourself in their path again. Its something no one really wants.

    IMHO the best thing to do is honestly let it go. You need to work out the damage they have done to you, but they do not have to be a part of it. They may do more harm than good.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Really no point to contacting don't want that crap back in your life. You don't want to really relive that...I still haven't talked to any of my bullies, even though I've been out of high school for a while. I'll be attending a reunion this summer, and I wonder if they'll even remember me. Either way, it doesn't matter because people who purposefully make you feel bad aren't important.
  8. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    Thanks everyone for giving me a heads-up. ^_^ I would've been in quite the mess if if weren't for you guys! XD
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