Thursday night I actually slept. I was having a shit day Thurs and wanted to die. I was so tired and wound up that I wanted to end it all. I didn;t have anythingin the house other than herbal sleeping pills.I took 15 as wanted them to actually work but didn;t even make me drowsey. As I was so wound up I cut my leg and arm. It was quite deep. The one in my arm is where I have had bllod tests so I was hoping to get a vein but I dont think it worked. It bled a lot though. It made me feel 10x better. I hadn;t cut in over 2 weeks and was really proud of my self for not having done so. So feel let down in my self but at the same time it released all my vented up pressure and I was actually able to sleep. Also Friday night also. That was without any pills. I help a knife in my hand as I wanted to try and kill my self with it. I couldnt bring my self to stab myself. I know now though that I need to avoid having pills around as if it gets like that again which it probably will do I wil take them. I still have my periods where I want to die. I have days at a time where all I can think about is how I will end it all. I need peace and that is the way I think I will get it. As for now I will continue to carry on as things are. Got 2 counsellor and a doc appointment next week. I hope that the doc will actually refer me to some community psychiatrist or something as I need something more long term and regular!