Dad lived but what about Mom????

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by bshea, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. bshea

    bshea New Member

    Hi all! New to the site. Let me just start with MY DAD IS NOT A SUICIDIAL PERSON!!! I'm just going to get down to it... This year my Dad had a lot of things weighing on him to the point he had anxiety and just could not go to bed. This had been going on for a while. In January he had $4k worth of dental work done. He mentioned to the dentist about the anxiety and lack of sleep so he referred him to local Dr. They trusted the dentist and didn't think twice about it. As it got worse for my dad and let me add he never goes to the Dr. but March 22th, 2013 is a day I wish I could rewind back to. My dad finally decided enough was enough and made an appointment that would change our lives FOREVER!!!! They went to the appointment and the Dr spent a whole 10 mins with my dad and decided to put him on Prozac and ziprasidone (one Prozac in the morning and one ziprasidone at night). Dr did no test or evaluation of any sort, wrote the prescriptions and said come see me in 3 weeks. March 25th he started taking the meds and by the end of the day, he told my mom "Ya know, I feel like this is giving me positive feelings". March 26th, "I'm feeling kind of weird today, not good or bad". March 27th, "I don't think I'm liking these pills" my mom said the nurse said to just give it time. March 28th, "I'm not feeling right about these meds". Morning of March 29th, he decided he wasn't going to take them anymore. Yes, all we kept hearing is "You cant just stopping taking those kinds of drugs, you have to wing yourself off of them" but on the flip side we kept hearing "Oh it takes weeks for it to get into your system and start working. ***remember that** March 30th, my mom said "Your dad seems to be acting very strange, like he's off his rocker" mind you he turned 55 this year. (side note I live 5 hours away) March 31th, easter morning as I woke up @ 715 with my 4 yr old to see what the easter bunny brought little did I know that at that exact moment 5 hours away my dad <mod edit method for suicide>. My mom said it started 12am that morning with him waking her up asking her to just touch him anywhere arm or hand. She kinda blew it off but suicide was never a thought. So he went back to bed and she went back to sleep thinking he was doing the same. After all was said and done she realized that's not what he was doing, he was preparing. That morning she said something was REALLY off and he was finding reasons to leave the house and she was finding reasons to go with him. He finally said sure grab a coat and lets go. While she was inside getting her coat he left. My mom always taught me to listen to your gut, well this is the one time she let a phone call stop her from doing that. 45 mins later my dad pulls up holding his mouth, tongue and eye. Yes I said he pulled up meaning the man <mod edit - triggering> Results... He's lost his tongue, jaw and eye (whole right side of his face). So he's lost an eye and will probably never be able to speak or eat again. Back to ***remember that*** so which is it, it takes weeks to get into your system or you should wing yourself off a pill you've only been taking for 4 days??? Come to find out the Dr should have done blood work for prescribing the ziprasidone but any who... Now my dad lives with a trach and a metal bar that holds his mouth up all the fun things that come along with it. When asking him if he remembers he writes "I remember it like a movie, I was there watching myself but it wasn't me. It looked like me". He wrote "After I shot myself it was like a switch flipped and I thought to myself what the hell just happened?" and was crying as he was writing it bc that's not the kind of person he was. So with that being said my mom is one tough cookie but she's at the end of her rope. He's not letting her do the things the Dr's have told her to, like suction his throat and what now. She's starting to say things in her crying fits about wishing she was dead bc she can't keep living like this. I'm 100% sure she will do nothing of that sort but it just kills me inside to hear it. Don't get me wrong my dad is no angel all the time and has been emotional abusing her but we all understand and don't blame him for what happened. She doesn't break down in front of him. Those things are going to happen when you are physically caring for someone 24/7. If you want to eat you have to go hide and hope he doesn't follow you with his dry erase board writing "It isn't fair I can't eat". He's 6'1" and is now down to 135lbs. So when you think things couldn't get any worse well it did. The insurance she's been paying for 12 years with a total of 4 claims out of all those years mailed her a letter stating they would no longer cover anything for him bc in the policy "self inflicted harm" is not covered. So now what? My dad was the bread winner. She filed for disability but that's obviously going to be a joke as it can take up to a year. She wanted to sue the Dr for the principle of the matter bc come to find out his license was revoked in another county so he's now a DO instead of MD (whatever that means) for freely writing prescriptions to whoever for whatever they wanted. My dad just wanted to sleep! He's definitely not sleeping now bc he's afraid he's not going to wake up. June 24th he had brain surgery. They took skin from his thigh to help hold his brain up (oh and bullet is still in there). So my mom is stressed, financially, emotionally and physically. The hospital sucks and hasn't really held up their end like they should, you have to beg someone for help. I just needed somewhere to vent and this seemed to be a good place to do that. I just wish I could hit rewind. Of course, I never thought this is something that would happen to me or my family. This is truly out of character of my dad. Daddy did you want to die that day? No babygirl I'd never do that to you. I miss his voice! SORRY FOR WRITING A BOOK, I PROMISE THEY WILL BE SHORTER!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What an horrific story...I am sorry this happened of course, and yes, each person's reaction to a medication can be quite different...your father's nightmare also reminds us to find out about what is being prescribed to us and to demand the proper follow up...if we do not know, it is imperative that we go online and see what a reputable website says...this does not change the horror your father is going through, I an aside, have they investigated his use of an augmentative/assistive device which might be more effective than a white board? Just an attempt to be suggestive during such a difficult time...please continue to post and let us know how things are going
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for what you have been through and continue to go through. It is so difficult. Know that you are in my thoughts. :hug: