Damaged goods that no one wants..even freely

[Milkjuggles]

I tried to get over neighbor ghoster guy, and some time back I was communicating with someone that I went to school with. He pretty much did the same thing as neighbor guy. He feigned interest and two days ago I asked for hug....I'm in a vulnerable stressful position and very depressed..with everything going on in my life...I have been making impulsive decisions..trying to get some type of comfort and care during these difficult times...I have been just needing a hug...and just to be cared for..

He told me yes and that he would like that as well..and that he understands I'm going through a difficult time, and he could give me a hug as soon as he comes back in town. That he's out of town for work.

Today I asked for that hug, and he told me he met someone this week who asked him to settle down with her, and he agreed today. That he was going to start his family with her, and that he couldn't give me a hug, and that I can say whatever I want, but it's over between us...and blocked me.

Discarded like a piece of trash..always

I'm tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes and being toyed about.

Neighbor guy did the same thing when I impulsively reached out to him 2 days ago.

I'm not even
I just want to vanish

I just want to be valuable...

And be of value..

I just want to belong.

.I'm beyond damaged goods that no one wants.

 

[Anchorchain]

That's a hurtful set of experiences you're describing and I wish I could make things better for you.
Does it seem practical or doable to find some way to feel value for yourself that doesn't require validation from other people?
I'm sensing that if we value ourselves, at least some other people will perceive that and so be inclined to consider you a person of value whom they want to know and belong with.
It's just a thought. I'm wishing for you some happier times.

 

[may71]

Those are just two guys out of literally billions on the planet. There's someone out there for you, it just may take some time to find them.

Sending safe hugs

 

[Milkjuggles]

That's a hurtful set of experiences you're describing and I wish I could make things better for you.
Does it seem practical or doable to find some way to feel value for yourself that doesn't require validation from other people?
I'm sensing that if we value ourselves, at least some other people will perceive that and so be inclined to consider you a person of value whom they want to know and belong with.
It's just a thought. I'm wishing for you some happier times.

We'll always need the validation of others our entire lives. It's our core foundation. It's how we survive and thrive. It's how we determine and build ourselves. It's what we model ourselves after. It's how we model our lives after. There's no escaping everyone mostly lives to and aims to appease society our entire lives...most of our moves are based on societal standards, rules, and modifications. We are what society molds us to be. We are validated by others, before we can validate ourselves.We are mostly blank underdeveloped, undernourished, and in arrested development when we arrive here...we are all what we are taught and what comes instinctual.

The human species animal are pack animals. We survive and thrive off of each other. We all need one another. There is no validating myself perhaps in a higher positive light, without others showing and making me feel valuable and of value.
In real life.
In real life, I haven't that.
The internet only temporarily acts as an opioid... sometimes..

Sometimes it makes things worse.
Sometimes it makes people realize how pathetic their lives are,
Sometimes it makes people feel shame and embarrassed to only have this as an output outlet.


There are different types of validation..one is of a physical nature. I needed the validation, safety, comfort and reassurance of a hug.

Which never came..

 

[Milkjuggles]

Those are just two guys out of literally billions on the planet. There's someone out there for you, it just may take some time to find them.

Sending safe hugs

Not when you're in your mid 40s and older
When you're unattractive, not "feminine", quiet by nature, a homebody, disabled, "boring", a caregiver, unemployed, have a terrible body with permanent scaring and cellulite...not when you're unhealthy, depressed, with a lot of traumas, not rowdy, doesn't have a sailors mouth, not a drama starter nor attached to drama, etc...


I have a lot of problems and I've never been accepted by society and have never had any friends nor have been befriended. Not even in childhood.. I've never been genuinely wanted by anyone ..

So perhaps the problem is me ..
It's my fault that
I get people who toy and play with my emotions and discard.who never want me genuinely.. I guess I'm naive and hungry for care.

..but they act accordingly and then just wind up ghosting and blocking me.

 

[may71]

I get that being older or disabled may generally make dating harder, but some of those things that you said may be judging yourself too harshly. Some of the other things, like being quiet or a homebody, may make it harder to meet someone, but not necessarily make you less attractive.

I have a lot of problems and I've never been accepted by society and have never had any friends nor have been befriended.

I'm sorry it's been like that. It sounds like your mother has always mistreated you and essentially used you as a servant. If you're being abused, it makes it harder to meet people, both because people may feel less drawn to someone who is being abused, and being abused also makes it harder to trust and feel at ease with other people. It's not necessarily something inherently about you though.

Hugs Milkjuggles

 

[Milkjuggles]

I get that being older or disabled may generally make dating harder, but some of those things that you said may be judging yourself too harshly. Some of the other things, like being quiet or a homebody, may make it harder to meet someone, but not necessarily make you less attractive.


I'm sorry it's been like that. It sounds like your mother has always mistreated you and essentially used you as a servant. If you're being abused, it makes it harder to meet people, both because people may feel less drawn to someone who is being abused, and being abused also makes it harder to trust and feel at ease with other people. It's not necessarily something inherently about you though.

Hugs Milkjuggles

The truth is often harsh. I'm realistic with myself...once upon a time, I use to be one of those people who aren't honest with themselves ..

Lies or truth .. both are terrible and heartbreaking.

Being honest and lying go hand in hand .neither improves things
It definitely is something inherently wrong with me or some kind of repellent or allergen within me, that makes people disregard me and view me as invisible unless they want to use me.
Ty

 

[may71]

Sending more hugs