Dark place and no one really cares.

[Adsum]

Tonight I'm probably in the darkest place that I have ever found myself in my entire life. I have just lost all sort of reason I guess.

I'm just so scared of even the concept of hope. Hope itself can hurt so badly and can be used against you if someone has the desire or is simply clueless. Anytime I get just a tiny niggling of hope I take some sort of medications or go to sleep in order to push it down. Those tiny feelings are really few and far between any way but to sit and dream about things and have those things be the very things that hurt so badly later on is just a risk that I'm not willing to take right now.

I hate how I am right now. Everyone has pretty much walked away because I'm just so depressed and therefore depressing and hopeless to be around. These were people who would build up my hope and my trust and then only stomp on it.

I'm really in such a dark dark place right now.:crushed:

 

[Terry]

hope can be a crushing thing, but it can also lift us out of the dark.

sounds like you need some anti-depressants, go see your doc and keep talking here.....we are listening

 

[Sadeyes]

I am so sorry this is such a rough time...I know that people can be so selfish...I have also experienced that with the illness I have, but I have also seen the beauty in people, especially some ppl here...please hold on to that and try to get care for how you are doing...if you self medicate, it may not bring the relief that skillful (interview wisely for them) professionals can recommend...know there are ppl here who care and who can relate to how you are feeling