I haven't been on in a little while.Thank you to justrob for checking on me.
Well, I still have no interest in anything. If anything, my kitten. I don't want to get out of bed. I can't sleep then come after morning I get drowsy and sleep about 4 hours if I'm lucky.
Have bought a course ke new cds to distract me. But one is The Weeknd and it only makes me lonely. So I thought lemme try some dating site. See what's out there. I need a distraction. Met a fella I like but he's an hour and a half away and his situation similar. Mid divorce and had to move back to his parents house.
So he distracts me, though we don't chat that often. Usually at night while he's working as a security guard. But it's the best part of my day. I don't know if he even wants to meet me and my insecurities won't allow me to ask.
I know I need to fix me before I can even contemplate another relationship. I think he feels that way too about himself.
Otherwise, I still think about my ex. I've somehow kept myself off his fb, it only hurts when I do. I've grown angry now towards him and think it's sick he wants to be with his soon to be step sister. Sometimes I think he just has to do everyone. I hope whatever they have going on blows up in their faces horribly. It's disgusting.
I know I'm bound to run into one or the other some day, and I don't know what my reaction would be. Tell them they're disgusting and flip them off and leave as fast as I can? I am just so sickened by it all. It's hard to be left for someone else in general but then when the other girl is a 23 year old near family member? I am still trying to process this.
I did have an appointment with a therapist. I go again Monday. Then Wednesday to a psychiatrist to regulate my mess. The initial was pretty much me just telling her what was going on. I didn't really get anything from it but tears. Mine, of course.
I feel like such a failure. Life is short and most of mine I've hated most every day. I dread waking hours. But I'm not sleeping now so I hate most every moment I'm awake and breathing.
I guess that's enough for now. I had to make myself share that much.
Well, I still have no interest in anything. If anything, my kitten. I don't want to get out of bed. I can't sleep then come after morning I get drowsy and sleep about 4 hours if I'm lucky.
Have bought a course ke new cds to distract me. But one is The Weeknd and it only makes me lonely. So I thought lemme try some dating site. See what's out there. I need a distraction. Met a fella I like but he's an hour and a half away and his situation similar. Mid divorce and had to move back to his parents house.
So he distracts me, though we don't chat that often. Usually at night while he's working as a security guard. But it's the best part of my day. I don't know if he even wants to meet me and my insecurities won't allow me to ask.
I know I need to fix me before I can even contemplate another relationship. I think he feels that way too about himself.
Otherwise, I still think about my ex. I've somehow kept myself off his fb, it only hurts when I do. I've grown angry now towards him and think it's sick he wants to be with his soon to be step sister. Sometimes I think he just has to do everyone. I hope whatever they have going on blows up in their faces horribly. It's disgusting.
I know I'm bound to run into one or the other some day, and I don't know what my reaction would be. Tell them they're disgusting and flip them off and leave as fast as I can? I am just so sickened by it all. It's hard to be left for someone else in general but then when the other girl is a 23 year old near family member? I am still trying to process this.
I did have an appointment with a therapist. I go again Monday. Then Wednesday to a psychiatrist to regulate my mess. The initial was pretty much me just telling her what was going on. I didn't really get anything from it but tears. Mine, of course.
I feel like such a failure. Life is short and most of mine I've hated most every day. I dread waking hours. But I'm not sleeping now so I hate most every moment I'm awake and breathing.
I guess that's enough for now. I had to make myself share that much.
