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Day 42 - Post Breakup Update

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#1
I haven't been on in a little while.Thank you to justrob for checking on me.

Well, I still have no interest in anything. If anything, my kitten. I don't want to get out of bed. I can't sleep then come after morning I get drowsy and sleep about 4 hours if I'm lucky.

Have bought a course ke new cds to distract me. But one is The Weeknd and it only makes me lonely. So I thought lemme try some dating site. See what's out there. I need a distraction. Met a fella I like but he's an hour and a half away and his situation similar. Mid divorce and had to move back to his parents house.

So he distracts me, though we don't chat that often. Usually at night while he's working as a security guard. But it's the best part of my day. I don't know if he even wants to meet me and my insecurities won't allow me to ask.

I know I need to fix me before I can even contemplate another relationship. I think he feels that way too about himself.

Otherwise, I still think about my ex. I've somehow kept myself off his fb, it only hurts when I do. I've grown angry now towards him and think it's sick he wants to be with his soon to be step sister. Sometimes I think he just has to do everyone. I hope whatever they have going on blows up in their faces horribly. It's disgusting.

I know I'm bound to run into one or the other some day, and I don't know what my reaction would be. Tell them they're disgusting and flip them off and leave as fast as I can? I am just so sickened by it all. It's hard to be left for someone else in general but then when the other girl is a 23 year old near family member? I am still trying to process this.

I did have an appointment with a therapist. I go again Monday. Then Wednesday to a psychiatrist to regulate my mess. The initial was pretty much me just telling her what was going on. I didn't really get anything from it but tears. Mine, of course.

I feel like such a failure. Life is short and most of mine I've hated most every day. I dread waking hours. But I'm not sleeping now so I hate most every moment I'm awake and breathing.

I guess that's enough for now. I had to make myself share that much.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
Thanks for sharing even though i know it is hard to do. Tears are something they are a form of letting the pain out some so i am glad you are going back to therapy this Monday. I know you have heard it before but time does seem to numb the pain some and with help for your therapist you can move forward and perhaps one day find someone that deserves your love and will return it to you You are not a failure no it is he who is the failure not you.
 
#3
I shouldn't have looked. Pictures of them and her baby as if they've always been a little family. I don't know why I look. I feel so sick after seeing that crap.

I'm so lonely. I have no one to talk to. I feel like I will never be happy again or feel like someone loves me and only me. I feel like I wouldn't be able to trust again after giving my heart and having it ripped out and stomped on.

It's a bad night. Guess I'll just sit here and cry for the life I won't have.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#4
Hi there
Break ups are hard.. they're *always* hard... even if it's been only a few months or into a few years. It's always a difficult thing so give yourself some time to heal from this. talking to someone else is good, hanging out with friends, keeping busy, take a class, join the gym, work some extra hours... anything that keeps you occupied, however difficult that is to do. But know this -- rarely do people get together later on with someone else and keep wishing for the *last person* they were with -- "I sure do wish I had that ex back". It just doesn't often work that way. (Not to say it never does cause sometimes we screw things up but you know what I'm saying) This guy is trying to smash his soon to be step sister? I feel like you're making the right move here. You're not going to be looking back wanting him in a year. I can pretty much promise you this so keep looking ahead and know that you'll make it out the other side a better person with new insight.
 
#5
Yeah the insight that maybe I should be worried I'll lose my next boyfriend to someone at his family functions! I didn't see it because it didn't even cross my mind!

I am looking forward to the day I can be over this but it still shocks me, even now. I don't know whether to be angry or sick.
 
#7
And he and the girl Facebook official. Became so one month after he dumped me. More recently she's gushing about how much he loves her baby and how she's glad her daughter will have a great role model to grow up around. Granted she's 23, which to me you don't know much about love or life at that age! I'm sorry, I can't help but hope it ends as badly as ours did.
 
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