Dead inside and worse still alive

[Johnny]

Its along time since i visited here and i swore i wouldnt leave. I can only appologise for not being around as much as would of liked. I thought i had over come my problems and learnt to get grip on life but lo and behold i messed it up again by letting people into my life. I was always brought up to treat people way you liked to be treated yourself. What a bl..dy joke that is. Am sure parents meant well but sometimes feel like they really hadnt got a clue. I tried something that seems so daft now but at time seemed so easy and only answer. I chose to try end it all again. Ever since i first began with my problems i looked for easy way out. Maybe I am a coward or maybe just weak or maybe even not supposed to be here. Dont know all the answers but cant work out if i meant to be dead then why wont the man upstairs just let me go? Is there a god or is it just the silly sod down below punishing me. I hate life and never seems get any easier. I used to deal with these sort of situations day in and out and think it was just people attention seeking but now i stand corrected and appologise. I know how much i wish i hadnt been resusitated and put back together again but hope somewhere i will find the answers to what i am supposed to be and supposed to actually do. I am dead on the inside as cant show any emotion towards people that have helped me or family that try to deal and cope with my situation and assist me in what they call becoming better. It cost me everything now so whats the point. I scare everyone that comes near me cause they never know what to do or how to react. I dont get treated as human. I have forced them all to loose all respect for me as I have myself. Lets hope it all ends soon.

Sorry for boring you but dare say someone might be going through similar or i might just be totally abnormal:sad:

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

I'm sure others are or have been going through the same feelings that you have.

I don't know your current and past situation but I do know that you can find motivation here and find others for who you can share and learn off. Hopefully this will spur you on and give you inspiration and the strength to go on.

 

[resistance]

Hey Johnny, how are you today? I'm sorry to hear of your past experiences, I'm glad to hear your past attempts to end your life have been unsuccessful because that gives us more time to help you and give you the support you obviously need right now.

Yes the saying goes, "we should treat others how we'd like to be treated" (something like that) but unfortunately that can backfire when we interact with some people. Not everyone will treat you like crap, and you admit you try and make people lose respect for you and you are basically pushing other people away, maybe subconsciously you are also trying to protect yourself from being hurt?

Do you have any family you can talk to or someone who you are close to? I know you say you scare people away but if you spoke to them about how you're feeling that can be the first step to you feeling better and the start of a good friendship, you both know where you stand. If you've been hurt so many times have you considered therapy? Perhaps that's a route you can consider. Take care of yourself, here whenever you want to talk.