Decision moving forward

[sadhart]

So, it's hard to explain in detail what I do at work, but there are times where I have to work with someone on certain tasks. And for the most I just get through it. But today was different as the work line was down. The person I was working with today is social and a very loud and obnoxious person decided to come over and talk to them. Eventually another person came over as well. I tried to keep busy but at one point, the task I was doing also went down. I just felt so uncomfortable just standing there and listening to them. The one guy I said was loud laughs like The Joker,but worse.

The point is to all this is that I'm starting to realize that I don't know if I want to even try socializing anymore. I find talking the way they did to be kind of shallow. Maybe I just need to accept that I'm asocial or something. There's more but I'll just stop this rambling mess here.

 

[AvidFan]

Why not! Acceptance can be very powerful. It's good to try being more social, but going to opposite extreme sounds like it just isn't and never will be you. I've always been happy with my own company. Maybe one day you can find some quite introverts who get you and see them now and then, without the loud laughter etc! Try not to give up trying altogether though - so difficult to know the difference between acceptance and its near enemy, giving up! And to find the right balance between trying and accepting!

 

[YoungMister]

Good job man. Meeting another person is no easy task.

 

[may71]

There's more but I'll just stop this rambling mess here.

It's not rambling. It's good to talk about what you're feeling and experiencing.

The point is to all this is that I'm starting to realize that I don't know if I want to even try socializing anymore. I find talking the way they did to be kind of shallow. Maybe I just need to accept that I'm asocial or something.

While you're not obligated to socialize, you may want to socialize, but just not in the way these other people did.

You're having online conversations here, so it's not like you're in principle against having a conversation. If the people that you're communicating with here on SF were in the same room, you might want to have the same conversations in person.

 

[sadhart]

Why not! Acceptance can be very powerful. It's good to try being more social, but going to opposite extreme sounds like it just isn't and never will be you. I've always been happy with my own company. Maybe one day you can find some quite introverts who get you and see them now and then, without the loud laughter etc! Try not to give up trying altogether though - so difficult to know the difference between acceptance and its near enemy, giving up! And to find the right balance between trying and accepting!

I would like yo believe this but even when it comes to being around people I have something in common with, I still feel out of place. Like I just feel so broken.

 

[sadhart]

It's not rambling. It's good to talk about what you're feeling and experiencing.


While you're not obligated to socialize, you may want to socialize, but just not in the way these other people did.

You're having online conversations here, so it's not like you're in principle against having a conversation. If the people that you're communicating with here on SF were in the same room, you might want to have the same conversations in person.

What has put me off from talking is when people will come up to me and tell me how not talking will make people think something is wrong with me or that I'm stuck up or something. It's like they think the moment they say this to me that I'm suddenly going to start talking and laughing . They never see that as insulting or perhaps part why I don't want to be bothered.

But perhaps you're right in a way that I would be more willing to talk to someone in person from here. Then again, I fear I would mess it up somehow.

 

[may71]

What has put me off from talking is when people will come up to me and tell me how not talking will make people think something is wrong with me or that I'm stuck up or something. It's like they think the moment they say this to me that I'm suddenly going to start talking and laughing

There's a certain amount of pressure to be extroverted in the work place. It's not really fair, but it's there.

 

[Aurelia]

So, it's hard to explain in detail what I do at work, but there are times where I have to work with someone on certain tasks. And for the most I just get through it. But today was different as the work line was down. The person I was working with today is social and a very loud and obnoxious person decided to come over and talk to them. Eventually another person came over as well. I tried to keep busy but at one point, the task I was doing also went down. I just felt so uncomfortable just standing there and listening to them. The one guy I said was loud laughs like The Joker,but worse.

The point is to all this is that I'm starting to realize that I don't know if I want to even try socializing anymore. I find talking the way they did to be kind of shallow. Maybe I just need to accept that I'm asocial or something. There's more but I'll just stop this rambling mess here.

Just because you can't relate to those particular people doesn't mean you're the problem. We're too quick to blame ourselves. Maybe those people were a bit too eccentric or dull even. There are many interesting people out there, you just have to wait until they come into your life.

 

[sadhart]

Just because you can't relate to those particular people doesn't mean you're the problem. We're too quick to blame ourselves. Maybe those people were a bit too eccentric or dull even. There are many interesting people out there, you just have to wait until they come into your life.

In some ways, I feel like I've been conditioned to blame myself for the way I've been treated by others. Like it's all on me. I mean I know there are things I can work on but sometimes it just feels in vain to even try.

 

[Aurelia]

In some ways, I feel like I've been conditioned to blame myself for the way I've been treated by others. Like it's all on me. I mean I know there are things I can work on but sometimes it just feels in vain to even try.

Have you also thought of it the opposite way? That there are things they can work on to better communicate? Like include people in their conversation without making anyone feel left out?

 

[Windhover]

even try socializing anym

I have this attitude in place for certain kinds of loud people, and it's become a good tool, a wall which keeps them away from me. It's unfortunate to have to be near them, but having the confidence in myself, that I will not actually be engaging with them &/or encouraging them helps. No one needs to blame themselves for their social preferences. It's just a simple reality which keeps people's (my) anxiety to a more managelable level. If that makes sense.

 

[Maniae]

I use to (and probably still do) feel like people could see my pain, my depression, my sadness without me having to say anything.

Have you analyzed whether or not it is the fear of you saying something wrong or the fear of someone seeing that you're not as social as them.

Are earplugs / earphones allowed? If so, maybe wear them even if you're not listening to anything.
Remember, this is about how YOU feel. Not about what others perceive about you. Take care of yourself for yourself.

I hope that everything works out for you in a favorable manner.

 

[sadhart]

Have you also thought of it the opposite way? That there are things they can work on to better communicate? Like include people in their conversation without making anyone feel left out?

Deep down, a part of me would listen to certain people who would judge me harshly and realize how full of shit they more than likely were. But because they were more social and accepted, I felt like maybe they were in the right. I hate that these things don't just easily roll off my back.

 

[Aurelia]

Deep down, a part of me would listen to certain people who would judge me harshly and realize how full of shit they more than likely were. But because they were more social and accepted, I felt like maybe they were in the right. I hate that these things don't just easily roll off my back.

See, you're blaming yourself again. And just because it might be socially accepted, doesn't make it right. Many things have been socially accepted throughout history, which many people today think is a disgrace. The most important thing is to treat others with kindness. What good is it being socially competent, when you exclude certain people for no apparent reason other than they seem different from you in some way? That's not kindness. And when people don't act with kindness, they're definitely in the wrong.

 

[sadhart]

I have this attitude in place for certain kinds of loud people, and it's become a good tool, a wall which keeps them away from me. It's unfortunate to have to be near them, but having the confidence in myself, that I will not actually be engaging with them &/or encouraging them helps. No one needs to blame themselves for their social preferences. It's just a simple reality which keeps people's (my) anxiety to a more managelable level. If that makes sense.

I can be tolerant of some talkative/loud people. There was a very talkative guy at work a few years ago and I was okay with him because he seemed to meet me where I was at. He would just talk to me. He didn't like question why I didn't talk or ask what was wrong with me. I appreciated him and the very few others who have done that. I admire you for being comfortable creating a boundary like that. For me, if I try to avoid people, the mindset of others is that I'm "stuck up".

 

[sadhart]

I use to (and probably still do) feel like people could see my pain, my depression, my sadness without me having to say anything.

Have you analyzed whether or not it is the fear of you saying something wrong or the fear of someone seeing that you're not as social as them.

Are earplugs / earphones allowed? If so, maybe wear them even if you're not listening to anything.
Remember, this is about how YOU feel. Not about what others perceive about you. Take care of yourself for yourself.

I hope that everything works out for you in a favorable manner.

We use earplugs due to the noises from the machines, but it doesn't really drown out people talking. And I think it's a fear of both of those things. I had a friend who seemed to expect me to be exactly where she was at when it came to being social and spiritually. And I did my best to be open and willing to socialize more, but it wasn't enough. And one day, she just outright said that I didn't know how to communicate. And it hurt and made me angry because we had been talking for two years and it just felt like none of that effort meant anything. I eventually wrote to her a few years later and let her know how that made me feel. Really, it was a pretty strongly worded letter and I felt kind of bad writing it, but at the same time, I was holding so much resentment for how she treated me. I saw her as a friend and I didn't judge her harshly for her flaws like she did to me.

Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling like that.

 

[Windhover]

I'm sad to hear you no longer have the friend, due to issues with communication. It's quite overwhelming when one person has a totally different approach from yours, in regards to how they share and what they share. One important step in keeping communications flowing is to force yourself if you have to, to let friends know what you are feeling before the feelings have built up for a long time. Once that happens, it all becomes much more difficult.

I think moral and spiritual beliefs can have a lot of impact on relationship. Some sort of comporomise has to happen, and that takes a type of work that some people don't or won't undertake.

 

[Maniae]

You're not rambling. You are expressing yourself and trying to process your feelings.

You'll eventually get to a point where you care more about how you feel & less about how others perceive you or their reactions toward you.

I've learned that it is not selfish to care about myself more than I care about others.

Find what works for you mentally, emotionally and physically. You're inner peace will emerge from there.

 

[sadhart]

Just want to say that I'm in a pretty negative place this morning and I just really hate life so much ti the point I just don't want to do this anymore.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you feel so bad Sadhart.