Dependent Personality Disorder

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Growing Pains

Well-Known Member
#1
I was previously diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder, but my current treatment team feels dependent personality disorder is more fitting. At first, I wasn't sure I believed them. The only person I've ever known who was diagnosed with it is the kind that flits from relationship to relationship to avoid being alone. I've never been like that! In fact, I avoided relationships most of my adult life. Further reading, however, showed me that some of us depend on family members or friends, as well. Which... actually made sense for me.

I feel so alone, though. I don't know many people with this diagnosis (except the one, and she never talks about it). I've tried to find groups on Facebook, but came up with nothing. And even on most psych forums I'm on, we seem to be a quiet minority. So, does anyone here have it? Just wanting someone to talk to about it, and how they manage symptoms, etc.
 
#3
I've read bout this sorta thing but I'm still pretty ignorant bout it. I'm sorry ur feelin lonely if postin here helps please be our guest. I got you hit me up if ya need anythin peace.
 

Growing Pains

Well-Known Member
#4
Does your treatment team have any advice?
Not really. They want to focus mostly on my depression and anxiety, as those are what brought me in. They seem to think they're more important/more treatable. I've experienced this a lot when seeking treatment, though. Most of them don't want to address my personality disorder(s). As a former psych major (did switch majors on account of being unable to afford anything past a bachelor's), I learned that there is some bias toward personality disorders. They're considered hard to treat. I'm guessing that's part of why they don't generally address it.

I've read bout this sorta thing but I'm still pretty ignorant bout it. I'm sorry ur feelin lonely if postin here helps please be our guest. I got you hit me up if ya need anythin peace.
It's definitely a unique one, I think. I almost wish I had a more well known diagnosis sometimes, but I think we all suffer to certain extents.

Basically, it just... feels like I can't survive on my own? I guess. Sometimes I'll even let the person I depend on speak for me. I didn't really notice I was even doing it, until the person who evaluated me noted it and wrote it down in my notes. At the time, my partner was with me, so I guess that's how she managed to see it while past professionals never did. The thought of losing him terrifies me. I literally feel like I couldn't do everything I've been doing without him. Which I know, deep down, is silly. I'm doing it now. What would change if he were gone, other than him not being here?

Thank you for the support. It's definitely been challenging accepting this diagnosis. If only because I always liked thinking independence was something I did want..
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
What specific issues did you want to address, what outcomes are you trying to accomplish? Asking for a specific diagnosed peoples experience is limiting yourself to that label... Labels are really giving yourself that wall around yourself. Many people are interchangeable from one Dx to the next Dx depending on the team they have and how they're trained.

All I can suggest is to focus on the bigger picture the bigger generalized population and ask one specific question and see how many people can relate to this and what they did.

Good luck!
 

Growing Pains

Well-Known Member
#6
What specific issues did you want to address, what outcomes are you trying to accomplish? Asking for a specific diagnosed peoples experience is limiting yourself to that label... Labels are really giving yourself that wall around yourself. Many people are interchangeable from one Dx to the next Dx depending on the team they have and how they're trained.

All I can suggest is to focus on the bigger picture the bigger generalized population and ask one specific question and see how many people can relate to this and what they did.

Good luck!
Pretty much what I posted right before you.

I know that people are interchangeable. After all, you don't have to have /all/ the symptoms of a diagnosis to be diagnosed, so there are many, many ways to have a diagnosis. But since DPD seems so uncommon as it is, I didn't really see a point in listing off symptoms. It's been hard enough finding anyone else who has it without narrowing it down as such.

And I, personally, never really had a problem with the labels. I feel like they've helped me better understand things. If I can give a name to what I've been experiencing all my life, it helps. You know? I know not everyone feels that way, and I don't expect them to, but that's how I feel.

I really just want someone to relate to in general, when talking about dependency. Most people I know just want to be independent, and crave that independence. I don't have that, and I'm not sure I ever will.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
Ok going to try to rephrase this as much as possible. You just prefer to compare notes with anyone who has that DPD label just like you do which is not really doing yourself any favors. Labels are for billing and insurance purposes mainly those days doctors just throw a quick label and move on around here.

There are many depressed people who also has generalized anxiety very dependent on someone their whole lives. But they have never been given the DPD label because of many reasons/circumstances... never got the help, or not stayed long enough at one psychiatrist to give that accurate diagnosis has other underlying issues that symptoms match so many mental illness or simply put.....like a good handful of people here...never went to the doctor for it and many have the dual diagnosis (I do)

Depression and Anxiety have very very very huge pools of people to ask a specific question you're able to relate to and no person is the same.

Use me as an example: I have dual diagnosis.. I have been in/out of the hospitals few times along with my diagnosis changing every single visit even in the same day. 5 years ago...nothing no diagnosis other than the regular ol depression and ADD. Functioned enough to stay off medications/ not see a psycharist. Spiraled way down, out of it in and out of hospital changing psych from one to next got diagnosis changed the last two visits with same doc same team and upon my discharge dx changed again (no care in the world what label it is) . It did not define me whatsoever.

This taught me one thing . Labels are just for those doctors to justify ones medications, treatment plan and give an idea what the individual is dealing with but it does not give one the full picture of the said invidual.

"comparing notes with only other DPDs" is not doing yourself any favors. What will you do if your diagnosis changes again? Look at each quirks you have and ask anyone else if they can relate...

Good luck
 

Growing Pains

Well-Known Member
#8
No...

I'm not going to bother typing another lengthy reply.

I don't want to "compare notes". I want someone to talk to. Who gets it.
 
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Growing Pains

Well-Known Member
#9
Fine, I'll reply.

I'm aware of literally all of that. I have dual diagnosis. Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a personality disorder that DOES change with most professionals. As I have already said, and feel I shouldn't repeat, I do not feel the same way about labels as you. I wish for that to be respected. Yes, I am more than my label. However, as for how I feel about them? They give me a way to understand. And I don't see a problem with that.

I am very aware that some people with depression and anxiety and many other DXs are dependent on people. But the way I am dependent is not the same. I know this because I have tried to talk to many of them, and simply did not relate. I am not dependent because of my diagnosis, but I can't put into words why I am. I don't think of it as unchangeable or untreatable, but sometimes I feel it is. That probably didn't make sense. Regardless, I've tried talking to people. Most people simply do not get it.

I do not want to "compare notes". Nowhere did I say that. I just want someone to talk to. Someone to relate to.

But fine. I give up. I see that it was a pointless endeavor.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
Ill do you a favor and bounce out of this thread. No point in continuing this converstation if one is very OCD on the DPD label and only "compare notes" with another diagnosed DPD person and exclude any other possible avenues. Maybe that is why you're not having any luck in other forums. But hey gonna give you another hint. Try video gaming forum sites.
 
#11
Growing Pains.... I can completely relate to what you experience. I have recently separated from my long term partner and I feel like I cannot survive on my own. It is so much more though.... just saying I cannot survive on my own doesn't even seem to come close to the pain that is felt.
 

Aurelia

šŸ”„ A Fire Inside šŸ”„
SF Supporter
#12
I was diagnosed witj DPD once upon a time. Well, misdiagnosed i should say. My experience was basically opposite of yours ... I was first told i had DPD, but then upon further evaluation, was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality. You said it was vice versa for you, but i can totally relate to the dependency aspect youre talking about. I do certainly have some symptoms of DPD, which is why i was initially misdiagnosed. I feel like i cant be alone and cant survive alone. I'm very dependent in some aspects on my husband, but not in others. I would say i have about 3-4 symptoms of DPD. But nearly all the symptoms of AvPD. And in addition to AvPD, my other diagnosis was borderline personality. But like i said i do very much understand the dependency thing. Im very afraid to lose my husband, and i feel like if i did, i wouldnt be able to make it and my life would be over.
 
#13
Growing Pains.... I can completely relate to what you experience. I have recently separated from my long term partner and I feel like I cannot survive on my own. It is so much more though.... just saying I cannot survive on my own doesn't even seem to come close to the pain that is felt.
I have never heard of dependant personality disorder and don't know anything about it at all but the just reading the name for the first time makes me think - 'that must be me'. I am normally viewed as a strong personality, never afraid to voice my opinion never afraid to stand up for myself or others if I feel injustice has been done, I'm in no way shy or retiring but when I am not in a secure relationship I am unable to function. The depression that results from being alone is COMPLETELY CRIPPLING. There are no words to describe the pain and anguish and fear and hopelessness that I feel. When I'm like that I feel liek my life is over and death is the preferable option. I keep myself going by reminding myself that I have children who need me. It's like I am two different people. When I am in a secure loving relationship I am so happy and fine and when I am not I am literally suicidal most of the time. I can't even get myself together to keep the house clean and tidy and cook proper meals for my children. I'ts ridiculous and I hate myself for it. I feel stupid and weak and pathetic. I don't want to be this person. I have no idea what I'm hoping to achieve by writing this. I guess I hope that by speaking to other people who are the same I might come to accept this weakness in myself.
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Admin
SF Supporter
#14
I don't know a lot about DPD. My understanding (which is not professional and therefore could be very wrong!) is that a person with DPD might tend to seek support/help/validation/decision-making help from others they feel close to, almost to the point that they don't feel or act in charge of their own life. (Again, I'm not a professional, so this could be wrong.) Rather than feeling independent and seeking independence, they seek others to do for them and shore them up.

One thing that professionals and close family and friends might do to help the person, is to encourage them to feel they are capable and can do thing independently.

I don't know if this is how you feel, @Growing Pains.

I think the labels for things can be helpful in identifying the clusters or types of "signs and symptoms" associated with various disorders and illnesses. I wonder if signs and symptoms might wax and wane at times...and since we all have a lot of different personality and behavioral traits, maybe it's hard to get professionals to agree on the same label for a person every time. I also think that sometimes, regardless of any labels applied, professionals might focus on the most predominant issue or challenge so that the person can feel well enough later to address the other things.

@Growing Pains - I hope you are doing as all right as you can atm and that you continue to reach out and feel positive that you and life can change. Those are good things. *hug*
 
#15
I am really relating to this thread. I'm so heartened to hear from you guys but sad to hear what you are all experiencing. What I take from this is that 'ys' who consider ourselves to be 'broken ' are actually just experiencing life on a different plane. We are are so much more sensitive to the needs, wants, desires of others but the downside is that we are finely tuned to the bad stuff, take everything personally and the need to 'fix' is so strong that it's painful.... Does that make sense.....
 
#16
i've been told i may have something like this.... i lived with my parents till i was 30, didnt have an interest in women till 23, but then, i had to have a relationship no mater what, and would get with the first woman to show interest in me when i was single, which would usually be no more than a few weeks.... and i;d stay in a relationship no matter what, i put up with 5 years of domestic abuse because i didnt want to be alone (yes, i'm a bloke, i have never been in a fight in my life, i hate violence if all sorts... wont even watch boxing its so barbaric to me)

I'm currently living back with my parents as i wasn;t doing too well independently, and had gone back to my abuser after a relationship failed.
now it's my mum im dependent on, she takes me to doctors and psych appointments, as i shut down and refuse to talk when frightened.

When alone i feel i can't do anything, but with someone, they give me more confidence, unfortunately in a few relationships i had to be with them 24/7 or i'd play up... like if they went out with mates, i'd do things that they got worried about and came back to me.. they said i was like a dog with separation anxiety.

i'll do anything to please the woman i'm with, even copying her style.. i pierced and stretched my ear as one partner had one, got snake bite piercings just because she liked them and had a monroe piercing, we split before i got any tattoos.... but i got drunk for the first time in my life.. .aged 38.. with her, and started drinking heavily because she did.

But at the time im doing these things, i dont realise and will defend myself saying it's my choice, only after do i realise what i was doing... yet i know full well, if i find another girlfriend i'll probably be just the same... i'm ideal for a controlling type of gf really.
 
#17
Dependent disorder for me means my identity is secured by my significant other. If they are lost my identity is shattered. Abandonment is the ultimate rejection and Iā€™d do anything to avoid it. My SO finally discarded me for the young woman he was chaetaong on me with. Destroyed, the pain is constant, Iļø have lost everything. Donā€™t want to live.
 
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