Depression and Schizophrenia or Psychosis

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by wallflower, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I'm depressed. I'm also labeled with schizophrenia bipolar, and IDK what to do. I can't get on anti-depressants because they seem to make me manic, but I can't get on stimulants because I become uninhibited on them and reckless. I keep taking the anti-psychotics but it's not fixing the depression, in fact it feels like the depression is the same but my muscle tension is worse and I can't focus on these pills i take. I don't have hallucinations or delusions in my normal every day life. I don't know what the criteria is for the DSM categories as I was never asked to take a test to be in this category of schizo-affective bipolar type or adhd. I'm upset. I'm miserable. On Abilify alone I spend every waking second wishing I was dead or asleep or plan an escape from my environment because I am so miserable. No one cares. The psychiatrists ignore me when I tell them I'm not in agreement with their rules and regulations about who I am. I'm not being forced to stay, but they are offering me no safe alternatives of getting off this anti-psychotic Abilify which I've been on for over 8 YEARS at the HIGHEST dosage of 30mgs/daily. I'm forced to accept the chronic illness of schizophrenia or schizoaffective without any proof being offered to me, or reasoning beyond things that happened under false pretenses, like a suicide attempt that landed me in the hospital in the first place! I was molested when I was fifteen at the hospital from one of the nurses. I can't deal with all the trauma because the doctors never approach the topic. I've noticed each time I brought up the abuse they either threatened to hospitalize me or tell me I'm manic and not behaving normally! I think they'd be happy if I was out of their hands, but where would they get their fucking paychecks from, other than the people who made me sick. I'm living out the indoctrination of society to believe that there is a such thing as schizophrenia when it is a HUMAN-MADE disease. All of our actions have consequences. NO one wakes up delusional or crazy one day, randomly, and that's what they make me feel like happened. I think I was actually drugged up at boarding school, but I have no proof of it. I just remember I was given some kind of tea, I started acting crazy, blacked out and woke up with a flashback then walked outside and lost it!
     
  2. yoyo

    yoyo Well-Known Member

    sounds like you are Schizophrenic. "All of our actions have consequences. NO one wakes up delusional or crazy one day, randomly, and that's what they make me feel like happened. I think I was actually drugged up at boarding school, but I have no proof of it. I just remember I was given some kind of tea, I started acting crazy, blacked out and woke up with a flashback then walked outside and lost it!"
     
  3. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I didn't just wake up one day, crazy! I woke up disoriented and depressed, with flashbacks of being assaulted. My parents took me home from boarding school, I was six hours from home and fifteen. I was showering aggressively. They waited over at least three days before taking me to a hospital, where I was checked out and given drugs instantly for *sleep* which were anti-psychotic medications. Now I'm twenty-four, living with labels like schizophrenia and bipolar and I don't have anything in front of me proving those labels to be true. I'm living proof that schizophrenia is man-made and trauma related. So basically, I know the truth--but I was too young to even voice it. Worse I got assaulted in the hospital I was put in, for 9 weeks continuously, where I was kept awake and harassed. I don't remember sleeping and they were giving me Thorazine injections for refusing meds, acting like I was a sadistic demented child. Not knowing my real life personality, they misdiagnosed me with psychosis then said I wasn't psychotic when my parents came to get me--my parents didn't take any blame and decided I WAS psychotic and eventually schizophrenic. My dad physically punched me once and it left bruises when I stood up and called him a sexist, then he threatened to do it again if I crossed the line. I'm living with my parents right now. I just want to die. I can't make it go away. I can't erase the past. Everyone abuses and walks all over me. No one is listening. I have no voice. I'm a wasted life. I mean I was raped and now I'm being called schizophrenic, meaning that my rape was fantasied or a delusion. Does anyone understand the psychological torment that is to live your whole life under false pretenses and lies? Of being so broken and misunderstood, bullied, lied to and treated like a freak because of intelligence or individuality?
     
  4. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Society wants individuals to look sick. We are living in an oppressive society and social sickness is what they now call mental illness.
     
  5. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I guess no one has any advice or can help me.
     
  6. themute

    themute Active Member

    Is there any way you can see a different therapist?? It can be really hard to find a good therapist sometimes but I think a good one could really help you and believe what you have gone through. I have no idea why but it seems like when sexual abuse happens people don't want to believe it. Do you have a rape/assault aid centre in your area? Or a planned parenthood? Those are both places where people should take you and what you have gone through seriously. The best thing would probably be finding a good therapist, one that focuses on abuse and sexual trauma. Please keep us up to date, I hope you're okay!!!! hugs
     
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