I'm depressed. I'm also labeled with schizophrenia bipolar, and IDK what to do. I can't get on anti-depressants because they seem to make me manic, but I can't get on stimulants because I become uninhibited on them and reckless. I keep taking the anti-psychotics but it's not fixing the depression, in fact it feels like the depression is the same but my muscle tension is worse and I can't focus on these pills i take. I don't have hallucinations or delusions in my normal every day life. I don't know what the criteria is for the DSM categories as I was never asked to take a test to be in this category of schizo-affective bipolar type or adhd. I'm upset. I'm miserable. On Abilify alone I spend every waking second wishing I was dead or asleep or plan an escape from my environment because I am so miserable. No one cares. The psychiatrists ignore me when I tell them I'm not in agreement with their rules and regulations about who I am. I'm not being forced to stay, but they are offering me no safe alternatives of getting off this anti-psychotic Abilify which I've been on for over 8 YEARS at the HIGHEST dosage of 30mgs/daily. I'm forced to accept the chronic illness of schizophrenia or schizoaffective without any proof being offered to me, or reasoning beyond things that happened under false pretenses, like a suicide attempt that landed me in the hospital in the first place! I was molested when I was fifteen at the hospital from one of the nurses. I can't deal with all the trauma because the doctors never approach the topic. I've noticed each time I brought up the abuse they either threatened to hospitalize me or tell me I'm manic and not behaving normally! I think they'd be happy if I was out of their hands, but where would they get their fucking paychecks from, other than the people who made me sick. I'm living out the indoctrination of society to believe that there is a such thing as schizophrenia when it is a HUMAN-MADE disease. All of our actions have consequences. NO one wakes up delusional or crazy one day, randomly, and that's what they make me feel like happened. I think I was actually drugged up at boarding school, but I have no proof of it. I just remember I was given some kind of tea, I started acting crazy, blacked out and woke up with a flashback then walked outside and lost it!