Depression makes its come back (my vent)

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Where to start.. Well.. My depression is slowly coming back. I had a long time (or what seemed to be a long time) of depression free living. Then crap hits the fan and the world comes crashing back down on my head... To start with my son has to be rushed to ER. Turns out he has low blood sugar. He refuses to come home with me so my Dad has to keep him for 3 days. Okay now to this weekend - He visits my mom for Easter she refuses to follow his diet and sends him home sicker then shit. He vomits all over his bed (and mine), not to mention blankets (and pillows and clothes..and the floors). Today he acts like total hell. He wont listen to anything I tell him. So after fighting over his diet all day and listening to constant back talking I made him go to bed. Hes asleep now but it took a half hour of him laying there screaming at me to let him up.. To make things worse my Grandma called me up the other day and accused me of being mean to my son... Mean..MEAN..What is wrong with her..I have walked thru what most people would consider hell fire my whole life..Im dealing with him the best that I can..I dont beat him, I dont starve him, hes not dirty, hes not neglectic..Im NOT mean to him... I do the best that I can. I dont have anything to work with. My house is old and falling down, I have no money to do crap with, but I do the best that I can..And she has the gull to tell me Im being mean to him..... Okay anyways...My health is not getting any better..My kids four this month and Im still damaged from the birth - which has ruint my life (yes litterally ruint it)...I lost my medical coverage so cant afford to see the doctor I was seeing anymore. Which is fine, I dont want medication...I know, why complain if I dont want medication...Im a bloody human being and Im alowed to complain and feel however I want about whatever I want - thats one thing no one can take (my power to feel however I want). I guess Im just depressed with life in general..Im stuck in a dead end marriage thats not getting any better, Im not happy with being a parent, I cant stand my family life, I still havent moved into a decent living space, I have no money, Im behind on snail mails, I owe swaps out the ass (thank goodness for patient friends!), Im in desperate need of new clothes, my husbands dog pissed in my bed and ate my new soap, its raining, my back feels broken, my hip hurts worse then ever, my left leg cramps so bad, my knees are killing me in this bad weather, and I could go on forever..I dont know why Im even posting this..I always find my way back to this website.. Something always brings me back to post and vent a little... I have no one left on the other forum I use to visit frequently..
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sometimes you just need to vent, and you need to do it in a place where you know someone will read it.

    I'm sorry you're in such a horrible situation right now. Just out of curiosity, how old is your son?
     
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    His birthday is actually later this month..He will be 4.
     
  4. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you have a tonne to deal with - kids, dead end marriage, financial problems. Hard to deal when your family is on your back as well.

    I can sympathize. I feel my depression on the rise. I really tried to get my head into a different space but it just isnt happening. Im worried about how its going to impact what little life I have atm. I need to move out, find a more consistant source of money (sound familiar lol?) but my priorities have never matched up with the reality of the situation. Id rather piss about on the computer all day. Its easier to ignore problems, and become distracted than work hard at solving them. I really need to see a psychologist again. Its becoming a rather urgent issue now...Are you seeing a psycho? They can give some impetus where there is none, although from what your saying its more about being overwhelmed.

    As far as im concerned, I think ive written of my fate as a forgone conclusion tbh. I think I did that a long time ago. There are steps that I could take which "might" help to solve it, but honestly I doubt it. I wish i had some friends close by I could live with. I really need a new atmosphere. Two things I need more than anything else right now - a new environment, and a close friend or two.
     
  5. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    No, Im not seeing anyone. I dont have any insurance or way of paying for it anymore. I had a medical card from a local agency but my case was finally shut down there (THANKFULLY because I was almost to the point of killing those idiots).. The only agency locally that has both a doctor and counseling staff that I can stand I cant go to because my mom is the boss there (she would have access to my files and thats a big no no according to their big boss in the main office). The only other office that does charity cases I cant stand their doctor and they are 115 mile round trip - which I cant afford the gas for. So no..Im not seeing anyone... Im on the ssi waiting list for a hearing, the damn judge keeps changing it. Its set for end of May currently. Hopefully I can win that. The backpay would fix up the house Im wanting to move into (it needs a new roof and some floor patches in the hallway). The regular check would be good. Of course I will loose food benefits but on the up side Id have a full time medical coverage card. On the down side my husband would loose his coverage card and we would have to pay the $100 a month for the other card he has (thats currently picked up by the local dhhr since we are low income). So Id be spending an extra nearly $500 a month because of having to pay the coverage for the card and having to pay for food out of pocket. Which would practically by my whole check..Im sure I can work it out somehow..Maybe we will be in the range to cancel my husbands card and get him sliding fee services at a local clinic, get a membership to the discount medication program at the local pharmacy.. Okay, sorry, Im babbling now..
     
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Ive got another idea. Leave the U.S. Whenever I read about the medical system in the U.S it reminds me how lucky I am to live elsewhere. Every other developed country on the planet has a system 1000 times better. Hopefully Obama can do something about that, unless the big pharma & insurance companies get in his ear...which im sure they are doing.

    Short of shifting countries I really do hope things can get better for you, and you get a win on the backpay.
     
  7. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to let everyone know that Im feeling better. I have had some more rotten news and luck lately but all and all Im feeling a bit better.. Yesterday one of my sons rabbits died. The other of course exscaped its hutch and wont let us put him back in.. We have recently adopted a 4 week old boxer mix puppy - his sleeping soundly at the moment on a old stuffed bear.. I also found out we wont get as much extra money next month as I was told we would. So that forced me to redo some budget things. I will be even later on postage for letters and swaps, we wont get a new cd player for the car, or new cds either, and I have to buy second hand clothing instead of new. I think I can make the budget work. Thankfully the extra money is still a large amount so I can pay my friend for some items we bought off him (and still owe him for), I can get printer ink, and we can do some other things too (like buy dog food and all the other stuff I have to have around the house). Since I wont have enough money from our regular check some of the needs have to come out of the extra money (thanks to my having to pay $134 on a walmart credit account or be stuck with interests..that they didnt tell me about because they said I had interest free account but blah...)

    In other news my stepdad is talking about paying for the new roof on the other place. Hes living there now and wants to fix it up before he moves out and I move in. I agreed to pay the roofing expencise if my case next month goes my way. But he said hes going after the material soon and his next weekend off work he will try to finish the repair job in full.
     
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