I’ve been on a roller coaster for a while now, the AD I am on stopped its effect on me, now I am on them at a reduced dose & on another one, a new one I’ve been on almost 3 weeks. Its not working as yet, I am still in a low place. I haven’t been tearful which is strange because that’s all I did, now I just feel numb and extremely fatigued. I’ve got other conditions as well which my tolerance now is out the window. I don’t think I will ever get well and will die soon, I cant think positive, I really am void of any emotion now. Just existing and going through the motions of coping with life in my small world. I stay in my bedroom, I have it fixed where I can look outside during the day, if it gets too bright I close the curtains, as my eyes are really sensitive to light, and my ears are sensitive to sounds. I’ve taken online depression tests and all still say Im severely depressed according to their calculations, actually one of them was the exact test I had to take when first diagnosed. Summer is here and school is almost out, I have no idea what to do for my daughter. She will need to play, I don’t want her locked up in the house with me, not only does this unnerve me but her energy levels cause anxiety. I’ve resigned myself to take her to the beach or pool once a week, as I’m limited physically so I cannot be active like her I will suffer for it. I pray I can find things for her to do. As of today though, I am in my room, isolated from the world,I like solitude, but I also have a bit of social anxiety, when I go to the food store or church I notice Im uncomfortable and hoping no one talks to me,I cant wait to get back to the safety of my room. I stopped going to church, I go to the store once a week & now I am feeling that this too will stop. I stopped taking my mom and son to work, that had taken its toll on me going back and forth, now my son does it, he is young and I can rest.I wish I could fix myself, Ive read ,researched and watch things about clinical depression and some of the doctors don’t even get it,one said he can guarantee he can cure depression, I wanted to email him and give him a piece of my mind or whats left of it! What people don’t realize or understand there is a difference between Depression the emotion and Depression the illness, a huge difference indeed.