Detached. That's how I feel. Completely and utterly detached, useless and pathetic. I want more than anything to do whatever it takes for me to get better. I know that losing it can help me, because I have a habit of holding everything back. But I can't. I can't do anything that helps me. Why? Because of my damn family. My friends are fine. They know that I wouldn't mean to if I had to go to A&E after an episode or during to keep myself safe. My family? Not so much. How the hell can I get around this? I feel so fucking guilty because not only do I upset them, I am deliberately ignoring what I need to do to keep myself safe. I don't want them to do this to me. I know I'm family and they must take care of me and they will get upset but why do they have to make me feel guilty? I'm feeling more and more unstable everyday but I can't stop holding it all in. I'm going to burst open and it will not be pretty.