dialysis

[rabitt3434]

Well I talked to my transplant coordinator today. She is surprised I am not on dialysis yet. She wants me to get ahold of the doctor to let him know about my symptoms. I am scared to. I don't want to think about going back on dialysis. My life has changed so much and I don't like where it is going. I wish I could change it and fix it. Just the thought of dialysis makes me cry. I once again find myself asking myself is it worth doing again, or should I just enjoy the time I have? I honestly don't know what to do. Yes going back on dialysis will keep me alive, and yes a new transplant may come along or perhaps this new bionic kidney will come out and I cant do that and survive. At the same time, knowing how hard it was on my body, my mind, and on those I love I just don't know if I an go through all that. I am so torn I wish this was all just one big nightmare. I feel like I am alone fighting this battle I just don't know. When I try talking to friends I get comments like well be glad you don't have cancer or how its not a big deal. I am grateful for that. I don't know I guess I will see. I wish it was an easy fix and I wouldnt be facing all this again. Just tired of this, tired of feeling like a burden, tired of feeling like I have failed.

 

[may71]

tired of feeling like I have failed

I don't think you had a choice to have kidney disease or not, so I don't see an reason that anyone could think the was caused by a failure of yours.

 

[rabitt3434]

I don't think you had a choice to have kidney disease or not, so I don't see an reason that anyone could think the was caused by a failure of yours.

Just feel like I let everyone down and failed them by not keeping the transplant going. I dont know just do I guess. Thank you though, I do see where you are coming from. You are right I didnt have a choice I dont know why i feel so bad about it.

 

[may71]

Thank you though

You're welcome!

 

[Muzzy]

Hey again,

I apologize for not being more organized. I obviously should have read some of your posts before responding to your post to me but here it goes anyway.

I am very, very sorry that you may have to go back on dialysis. But realize that you didn't/aren't letting anyone down by not "keeping the transplant going" and you haven't failed! Any kind of transplantation is basically all about preventing rejection which I'm sure that you know (and the immune system is a very complex organ system to control). I doubt that there was anything that you could have done better/different that would have made a difference.

I hope this isn't out of line but please consider doing some research and finding a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine with a lot of experience with kidney patients. I actually saw one of these practitioners today - that I've known for years - who told me he may be able to help save my kidney and/or at least delay dialysis. Chinese medicine has a completely different philosophy to traditional (allopathic) medicine and can sometimes perform what we may believe as "miracles". I know, for a fact, that this practitioner has helped me with other issues that my regular doctors failed at.

Another consideration, if you haven't already thought about it, is doing Continuous Ambulatory Peritoneal Dialysis which from what I've read will allow you to feel a lot better than Hemodialysis and give you more control over your life - since you can do it at home for yourself (and even while you're sleeping).

Anyway, please feel free to P.M. or contact me if you like. I'll am here to support you in any way that I can - even if you just want to vent.

Take care,
Muzzy

 

[Muzzy]

Just checking in. What's the status of your condition. Have you started dialysis? How is your emotional state?

Have you asked to put on multiple transplant centers lists ? I'm thinking that you will actually have to go to each hospital and "sign-up" with them; but it could be to your benefit.

Thinking about you and hoping all is well !!!

 

[rabitt3434]

Hi hun. I'm hanging in. Physical health is about the same I have not made my appoi tent with the doc yet. So no dialysis yet. As for mental health its ok. Part of me wants to give up the fight but part doesn't. Having a pretty good night tonight other than tired and sore from work. Thank you for checki g in.

 

[Sassy Cat]

Hugs

 

[Muzzy]

I'm hanging in

Good for you!!! Glad to hear it. Have a good weekend.