Practical Advice Difficult Relationship

[IIllII]

Quick introduction. I found this website when googling how to make suicide look like an accident. It made a good point that there are plenty of ways to do this and that I'm actually just looking for a way to stop the pain. I suffer from clinical depression and have been dealing with it officially diagnosed for about 4 years now.

I'm currently dealing with a situation that I can't seem to solve. I have been dating a girl on and off for 5 years and we recently moved in together and got two dogs. These dogs are the light of my life. We have had one for about a year, and the other for a few months. That said, I'm not sure if I love the girl, but I'm sure I don't love her family. She wants to marry me, but I don't think I'm ready for that level of commitment. I frequently consider what life would be like if we broke up. The idea of getting back into the dating pool frightens me, and losing the dogs would be even worse (they are technically her dogs).

Quick interjection. I have a very hard time expressing my feelings. Verbalizing how I feel is not my strong suit. Sorry for the choppy prose.

I feel like I have to choose the lesser of three evils: staying together, breaking up, and suicide. Each have benefits and each have negatives. Suicide is the obvious easy way out, but it's unfair to everyone around me. The other two options are extremely difficult for me to weigh. I understand that I didn't provide very much context, and that makes responding to this fairly a challenge, but I feel stuck and unable to reach out. Therapy hasn't worked for me in the past. My current doctor has me on some medication that drastically decreases the frequency of my depressive episodes, and my girlfriend has been nothing but kind and loving to me. I just don't know if she's the right person for me. That's partly why this is so difficult for me. It would absolutely break her heart, and she has done little to deserve it, but I don't know if I love her. I feel like that emotion is almost lost on me. I love the dogs, and I love every second I spend with them. But I can't say the same about her. As I'm typing this, it seems almost humorous. I should probably just try talking to her like a normal, rational human being. Regardless, I just feel like I needed to get this out there. This is the first time I've expressed how I feel in a public space. I may not respond to any replies, but I will definitely read them. Thank you for your time.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through. Suicide is definitely not the easy way and is for sure the worser of the 3 evils for everyone concerned. If she loves you and you broke up with her, you might break her heart, but it would mend one day. If you killed yourself you would definitely break her heart, but it may never heal. It sounds like you're feeling a lot of pressure and you have anxiety both around staying in the relationship and leaving it. That's normal in such situations.

Are there any things that, if they change, would make the relationship better for you? I know someone who stayed with someone and got married when he REALLY didn't want to just because he couldn't express his needs and wants and it didn't go well - in the end it would have been far better to break up earlier than go through the wedding and honeymoon and then decide to split because by then his commitment-fear had reached critical mass.

If it helped writing it down here, perhaps you could consider writing to your partner. You expressed yourself quite well in your post, maybe it would help, it sounds like you need to find some way to let out your feelings. You don't necessarily have to give her the letter, just write it (on your phone or something) as if you were going to send it. Imagine it as a letter you're going to write and then burn/delete, so you can say anything you want in it. What would you say to her, in this hypothetical letter? Maybe you could work up to expressing yourself a bit better this way, it's often anxiety that stops people expressing themselves but writing it out can help you organise your chaotic thoughts and feelings a bit more.

You could also write more of it out here, explore what's going on for you a bit more. Try not to rush into a decision, I wish you the very best.

 

[iloverachel]

Please stay alive my friend

 

[1964dodge]

Quick introduction. I found this website when googling how to make suicide look like an accident. It made a good point that there are plenty of ways to do this and that I'm actually just looking for a way to stop the pain. I suffer from clinical depression and have been dealing with it officially diagnosed for about 4 years now.

I'm currently dealing with a situation that I can't seem to solve. I have been dating a girl on and off for 5 years and we recently moved in together and got two dogs. These dogs are the light of my life. We have had one for about a year, and the other for a few months. That said, I'm not sure if I love the girl, but I'm sure I don't love her family. She wants to marry me, but I don't think I'm ready for that level of commitment. I frequently consider what life would be like if we broke up. The idea of getting back into the dating pool frightens me, and losing the dogs would be even worse (they are technically her dogs).

Quick interjection. I have a very hard time expressing my feelings. Verbalizing how I feel is not my strong suit. Sorry for the choppy prose.

I feel like I have to choose the lesser of three evils: staying together, breaking up, and suicide. Each have benefits and each have negatives. Suicide is the obvious easy way out, but it's unfair to everyone around me. The other two options are extremely difficult for me to weigh. I understand that I didn't provide very much context, and that makes responding to this fairly a challenge, but I feel stuck and unable to reach out. Therapy hasn't worked for me in the past. My current doctor has me on some medication that drastically decreases the frequency of my depressive episodes, and my girlfriend has been nothing but kind and loving to me. I just don't know if she's the right person for me. That's partly why this is so difficult for me. It would absolutely break her heart, and she has done little to deserve it, but I don't know if I love her. I feel like that emotion is almost lost on me. I love the dogs, and I love every second I spend with them. But I can't say the same about her. As I'm typing this, it seems almost humorous. I should probably just try talking to her like a normal, rational human being. Regardless, I just feel like I needed to get this out there. This is the first time I've expressed how I feel in a public space. I may not respond to any replies, but I will definitely read them. Thank you for your time.

welcome to SF we are a peer communty that cares but never judges. please look at the different threads and post when you feel comfortable or go into chat if you prefer real time. there are a lot of caring people here.

your problem is more common than you think. a lot of men run scared into the woods when a woman wants commitment. i used to break up with girlfriends every time it got serious, then my wife caught me lol, that was 45 years ago.

it sounds like you really care about her. she could be the one for you. if you love her and aren't sure about commitment there is another option. you can buy a promise ring. it's saying that someday in the future you will get married, it's not an engagement ring so you have more breathing room. if you go that way be honest. tell her you love her and you want to stay with her but not quite ready for marriage, this should buy you some time. as for her family i understand because i had horrible inlaws and know you can find a way to accept them with limited interaction. suicide would not be the answer. i ended up here the same way, looking for suicide tp look like an accident, but being here taught me better coping skills

mike....