Discharged again

[Polly321]

Hi,
EUPD, CPTSD, OCD etc
I'm UK based so apologise for any confusion with terms or abbreviations to overseas members.
I plan to end my life (mod edit - timeline). Grief is hard and incase any one ever did care I don't want that grief anniversary to be a reminder every year after I'm gone. There are days now when I just want to get on with it, life is so hard.
I've been with the CMHTs on and off for years, 99% don't want to do their job in my area. During covid I did a lot of online research and found therapies I needed referrals for, great but no one would do the job of referring me. I bounced between service providers and had so many 'chats' with psychology and psychiatry they eventually referred me for trauma therapy (EMDR). I was so hopefully but obviously all the 'chats' has opened pandoras box and I am struggling to get the lid back on. So then one of my abusers (mother) got diagnosed with cancer, so I was torn between dutiful daughter duties and protecting myself from more abuse. Suddenly out of the blue I was discharged by CMHT for 'not engaging', my file proves otherwise but I phoned to speak with a manager I remained calm, (not how I feeling) while he let forth this awful torrent of abuse - 'you cant be helped, no one wants to work with you, your the problem' I asked how I could avoid being 'the problem in the future because recovery was so important to me' he didn't answer just repeated his abuse. I filed a complaint but obviously he denied everything and as I'm the patient it must be my state of mind that is the problem', I have literally sat and wondered did I imagine it, but I know for definite how it made me feel and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
So that's the short version of why I have no hope going forward and why I will end my life.
Services are aware of my plan and continue to throw excess medication my way, they will probably all be glad to not hear my name again.
I did fight and try to get support and active recovery but I wasn't worth saving because I am the problem

 

[YoungMister]

Ok, I understand. Nothing I can do about this.

 

[may71]

he let forth this awful torrent of abuse - 'you cant be helped, no one wants to work with you, your the problem'

That's awful, I'm sorry this happened.

There are some folks here that know about the NHS and how to deal with things like this. Maybe you can get some help here.

There might also be some self-treatment or alternative treatment methods that you'd like.

Sending hugs and wishing you good things.

 

[1Lefty]

Hi,
EUPD, CPTSD, OCD etc
I'm UK based so apologise for any confusion with terms or abbreviations to overseas members.
I plan to end my life (mod edit - timeline). Grief is hard and incase any one ever did care I don't want that grief anniversary to be a reminder every year after I'm gone. There are days now when I just want to get on with it, life is so hard.
I've been with the CMHTs on and off for years, 99% don't want to do their job in my area. During covid I did a lot of online research and found therapies I needed referrals for, great but no one would do the job of referring me. I bounced between service providers and had so many 'chats' with psychology and psychiatry they eventually referred me for trauma therapy (EMDR). I was so hopefully but obviously all the 'chats' has opened pandoras box and I am struggling to get the lid back on. So then one of my abusers (mother) got diagnosed with cancer, so I was torn between dutiful daughter duties and protecting myself from more abuse. Suddenly out of the blue I was discharged by CMHT for 'not engaging', my file proves otherwise but I phoned to speak with a manager I remained calm, (not how I feeling) while he let forth this awful torrent of abuse - 'you cant be helped, no one wants to work with you, your the problem' I asked how I could avoid being 'the problem in the future because recovery was so important to me' he didn't answer just repeated his abuse. I filed a complaint but obviously he denied everything and as I'm the patient it must be my state of mind that is the problem', I have literally sat and wondered did I imagine it, but I know for definite how it made me feel and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
So that's the short version of why I have no hope going forward and why I will end my life.
Services are aware of my plan and continue to throw excess medication my way, they will probably all be glad to not hear my name again.
I did fight and try to get support and active recovery but I wasn't worth saving because I am the problem

I think you're worth saving, so do others here
I hope you can find therapies that work
I hope you'll continue trying to get better, and to stay alive


peace

 

[Survivorist]

Take your time. The last step cannot be undone. Try something that works. And may it be for a few days Tramadol.
Man, this story is sad. And I thought, I was the only one who was thrown out of hospital as they said: "no hope for you". But this is now more than 30 years ago - and I made my life. So I hope you can too.

Write to us here. The community is great.

 

[Astray]

Hi Polly321, I have just read your awful story. I'm sorry you've been dismissed by services in this way. How are you feeling now?

 

[Innocent Forever]

Hi,
EUPD, CPTSD, OCD etc
I'm UK based so apologise for any confusion with terms or abbreviations to overseas members.
I plan to end my life (mod edit - timeline). Grief is hard and incase any one ever did care I don't want that grief anniversary to be a reminder every year after I'm gone. There are days now when I just want to get on with it, life is so hard.
I've been with the CMHTs on and off for years, 99% don't want to do their job in my area. During covid I did a lot of online research and found therapies I needed referrals for, great but no one would do the job of referring me. I bounced between service providers and had so many 'chats' with psychology and psychiatry they eventually referred me for trauma therapy (EMDR). I was so hopefully but obviously all the 'chats' has opened pandoras box and I am struggling to get the lid back on. So then one of my abusers (mother) got diagnosed with cancer, so I was torn between dutiful daughter duties and protecting myself from more abuse. Suddenly out of the blue I was discharged by CMHT for 'not engaging', my file proves otherwise but I phoned to speak with a manager I remained calm, (not how I feeling) while he let forth this awful torrent of abuse - 'you cant be helped, no one wants to work with you, your the problem' I asked how I could avoid being 'the problem in the future because recovery was so important to me' he didn't answer just repeated his abuse. I filed a complaint but obviously he denied everything and as I'm the patient it must be my state of mind that is the problem', I have literally sat and wondered did I imagine it, but I know for definite how it made me feel and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
So that's the short version of why I have no hope going forward and why I will end my life.
Services are aware of my plan and continue to throw excess medication my way, they will probably all be glad to not hear my name again.
I did fight and try to get support and active recovery but I wasn't worth saving because I am the problem

That's hard. I was discharged recently too for the same (with them knowing what I was doing).
Have you ever looked into charities? A lot of the Minds have support. And there are a lot of organisations depending where you live that offer group support (not group therapy more like craft or garden in a group).
Sending hugs....