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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by petn, Nov 6, 2012.

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  1. petn

    petn Member

    Tomorrow I will take back the stupidities that i am writing here now, but tomorrow is tomorrow... I have read in someone else's signature that "discipline is simply choosing between what you want now and what you want most". This person knows and we know that it is tremendously difficult, if not next to impossible. I was thinking, though, what does bring us to choose the latter between the two in a given moment? Suffering to me. What you want most has to do with a treatment of suffering of some sort for everybody, that goes from reduction to extinction, through different means of course. Many depressed people, myself included mostly live in a anesthetized, numbed-like state for which the desire for inactivity or lethargy is the function. Inactivity as "choosing what you want now" or, in some practical examples, simply perpetuating a state which numbs us from our bad feelings: videogames; being, half-lucid half-dreaming under a couple of warm sheets, listening to music, daydreaming. I think suffering makes people remember of its existence and wakes up in them their most wanted goals.
    So times ago i thought about procuring to myself a near-death experience in order to have a contact with it so direct i wouldn't forget anymore. That is when i began experimenting with psychedelics in high doses. It lasted three times: the last one i went on with so large a dose of <mod edit - specific name> that i had a pure agony experience for a few hours. It was that kind of experience in which you (a very simple version of you) would have wanted to die instead of continuing that torturous state, a common kind of experience if you use these substances like that, by the way. Despite this it didn't nearly give me any lasting result - it didn't "wake me up" or give me more energy, determination or anything - in fact the day after i already forgot about it.
    I am now at a click-distance to a second attempt (clearly, not a suicide attempt). Another thing I have considered is stabbing my left hand. For today, now it's 00:45, this night effort will be cleaning the mess in my room and the dishes before going to bed, something which i should have had been doing hours ago instead of staying at the PC losing time.

    Well this thread is stupid, I apologyze.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2012
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    For me, there is no tomorrow, only now, so whatever you write based on how you think and/or feel is just as important and serious as what has already been written in the past and not to be considered stupid or irrelevant.
    Although I do not necessarily agree with your ideas about inducing a psychadelic experience that will grant you a kind of 'near-death' experience, I think that you should be very careful with how you do it, but for stabbing your hand, I hope that you do not, because I have had some experience in that field (although not exactly the same) which has left me with permanent nerve damage in my left arm, and believe you me, it is not a pleasant thing to have to put up with for the rest of your life. So if anything, all I am saying is that while I would prefer you do nothing what you talk about, if you feel you have to do something, be very careful indeed because what you experience in the here and now, will most definitely be something you have to live with for the rest of your life.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is very often difficult and I also fight the same battle of deciding between "most" and "now"... I admit to losing that battle as often as I win it to be honest. That is why I have it in my signature line- as much to remind myself as much as to make a statement to others. I choose to use it to give myself as credit for a "win" when I do make what I consider to be a good decision on a hard choice as few other people in the world give credit for something so simple as getting out of bed some mornings, which is sometimes a battle all by itself for me. I would like to claim I use the quote to reach lofty goals but the fact is I use it to remind myself to at least try on much smaller ones. The second , overused saying in my signature is to much the same purpose - to remind myself that it is hard and when trying to do things it is much easier to say than to do - something people that do not suffer from depression and and other mental illness should consider more often.

    It is never "stupid" to express ones thoughts - I wish you the best in your struggles and encourage you to keep sharing your thoughts...

    Take Care and Be Safe

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