disconnection

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by liam, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. liam

    liam Member

    starving made me feel special

    I felt disconnected with my body
    I was disconnected with my surroundings
    I was always different. but I wasn't useless.
    in fact, I was better than everyone around me
    I was clever, and had lots of creativity & intelligence
    I became independent early and was not afraid to speak my mind

    my body didn't match my mind
    I wasn't fat, I've never been fat.
    and I never thought that I was fat.
    the starving, it wasn't even a question of being beautiful or not
    maybe it wasn't even about loosing weight, becoming skinnier
    I loved the hungry feeling, I loved the ground swaying underneath my feet
    I loved to test how long I could go on without eating
    and I was madly, MADLY in love with a boy three years older than me.
    (a couple of years later, I would figure out that he probably was suffering from severe anorexia and bulimia. he was sooo thin. but so beautiful. piercing grey/blue eyes, dark brown hair, pale skin. the way he speaked captured me. he was about 114 pounds, maybe 70 inches tall. I called him brother. he called me little sister, or just sister.)


    I was 65 inches tall, 85.98 pounds (165 cm, 39 kg).
    starving made me feel special. I felt like belonging to another world.

    then everything just went downhill
     
  2. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    :hug:It doesn’t always matter how it begins but it gets so tough. I can relate to you feeling disconnected with your body, surroundings and even feeling better than those around you, not just by intelligence but by the sheer control we have over our bodily needs. But I also know how destructive that power we think we have over ourselves can be. Please don’t let your self-control control you. Always here if you need to talk, just pm me.

    Take care dear and be safe,

    Nila-Rose
     
  3. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    i totally understand the feeling of starving being power, but it's really not. you're only hurting yourself, which sounds so cheesy, but it really is true. actually a lot of guys have told me that they don't like it when girls are too skinny. they say that they like girls who eat. they like women with curves. not that i'm sugesting you only do this for guys, but you did mention that guy u above... i guess i'm not really sure what to say, except take care of yourself. pm me anytime! *hugs*
     
  4. gosgirl

    gosgirl New Member

    I can relate to you feeling disconnected with your body, surroundings and even feeling better than those around you, not just by intelligence but by the sheer control we have over our bodily needs.
     
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