Disgusted by my Own Ugliness

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by dreamer11, May 10, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    I took my measurements today and I've just fat and I curvy; 33-30-39. I
    Have no real curves and I'm just wide, how can any guy like me? I don't necessarily look fat when you look at me but my shape is so unflattering. I'm pear shaped, meaning I pack all my weight in my hips or lower abs, yet I still have a small butt. I'm a 34a, have no butt, a larger than average waist, and am an awkward height of about 5'9...nobody could ever want me when there are so many smaller girls at my college who have pretty eyes and long hair while I have poop brown eyes and hair that won't go past my shoulder. I wish I could get plastic surgery to not be so disgusting. I'd do anything for somebody to love and want me. I always think about going to extreme eating measures but it never works for me, I can't maintain not eating or something. There are maybe 2 things I like about my appearance, otherwise I'm an ugly 20 yr old with no hope of being loved. I'm so hopeless and unhappy.
  2. Skyfire

    Skyfire Active Member

    If you want to become happy with your appearance, you have two choices; either you can change the way you look, or you can learn to accept and love the way you look. Either is perfectly acceptable. But since it is your life, no one can make the choice to do so but you.

    If you desire to change your appearance, there are many options available to you, surgery being the very last resort. Starvation is absolutely the worst thing you can do to lose weight, because your body doesn't know the difference between a diet and a famine, and it will hold on to every single calorie you put into it, because it thinks that you are dying of starvation. Think of your body as a complex machine that needs constant maintance, and the food you put into it as the 'parts'. The quality of the parts you use on your machine dictates how well it will function and how good it looks. This website can help you make better eating decisions that will help you lose weight and be healthy: Choose My Plate. You can also exercise; by doing strength training on certain areas and cardio on other areas, you can reshape your body in many ways. Aside from that, you can buy hair dye, hair extensions, or get a cute short cut if you don't like your hair, contact lenses if you don't like your eyes. If you don't like how you look with small breasts, you can buy padded or pushup bras. You can get makeup or clothes that accent your natural features and make the most of them as well.

    The other option is accepting yourself as you are; I would HIGHLY recommend taking this step first, even if you ultimately desire to change your look. I know what I am talking about, because I too had difficulty with this; I have constantly been ridiculed for my weight over the years (believe me, I am enormous compared to you), and it has been ingrained in me since childhood that no one would ever love me if I am fat, that being fat is the same as being worthless. It took me years to finally understand that that is absolutely, unequivocally untrue. There is NOTHING wrong with the way you look; don't let others convince you that there is. There is nothing wrong with a desire to improve yourself, but neither is there anything wrong with who you are right now. I advise you, when you are ready, to stand naked in front of your bathroom mirror, and decide on 10 things that you love about your body, even if its just a patch of skin on your shoulder, the shape of your wrists, the curve of your neck, or even the interesting shape of fat roll or something (that was one of mine, lol). Do not compare your body to what you think is ideal, or what society tells you should be diea - look at your body as though it is the only female form on the planet, and find reasons to love it for what it is.

    Because I shall tell you a secret: the trick to getting others to want you, is to want yourself. If you think you are undesirable, then you will project that to others, and they will think so too - but if you walk around projecting an inner self-love, others WILL be attracted to you, because you will be showing them that there is something in you that is wonderful and desirable.

    So work on loving yourself, whether that entails accepting yourself as you are, or working to make the changes you desire. The rest will definitely follow.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Like the other poster said accept yourself or change yourself. You don't like your hair or eyes, couldn't you die your hair? wear coloured contacts? There's a lot of things you can do to help change your appearance, exercise in certain ways to change the shape of your body.

    Also, personality has a lot to do with getting a new or first boyfriend. Confidence shines through people.

    Best of luck with whatever you choose to do. Good luck :)
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Ah Hon, you're not ugly. I'm 5'8" myself, and have always considered that to be an asset. Models are tall, as that often presents the best way to be well proportioned. And the most beautiful eyes are the ones that are most expressive. Not a particular color or size or shape, but eyes that light up when you smile. We use to call them "bedroom" eyes, back in the day. And pear shaped is the most common shape for women, I think that is natures way of preparing us for bearing kids. As far as long or short hair, that is less important than finding a cut that flatters your face. Find a good hairdresser and find the right cut for you. You can even easily change the color if you don't like it.

    One thing I have found to be true as I've gotten older, is that everyone has things about them that they are not happy with. Even professional models have things they would change. And most people are so worried about their own flaws, that they wouldn't notice if someone else grew a tail. What people are really going to be attracted to on a serious basis, and long term scale, is someone that makes them feel good. Someone who laughs easily, loves easily, and is comfortable with themselves. These are the traits that we should really worry about cultivating.

    You mentioned on another thread that you feel God hates you. He doesn't Hon, but I'm afraid you are starting to hate yourself. I think the real problem is something that has happened to you, something that made you feel you were unattractive, unlovable, etc. Is there a school counselor that you can talk to about how you feel, or if not, can you see a professional therapist? Even talking to us here may help, as there are many who have been through abuse and come out the other side.

    God loves you, and we care enough to respond. Hang in there, and find a way to feel better.

    And now, I'm off to have a piece of chocolate. Probably make my butt too big, but anyone who cares can feel free to kiss said big butt....... ; )
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    trust me when I say there are men who LOVE a big woman. If you go on Big Beautiful Women(BBW) sites, men worship overweight women. You'll post pics there and men comment...they love it. They love you just the way you are...so please don't feel ugly because you're overweight....some places like in africa, men love big women...
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Dreamer. what you described for measurments doesnt sound bad to me. Yes it is not perfect. but it does not sound bad at all. I can tell you from my own expereince that because I do not like myself, I do not like my body. When someone likes themselves they do not feel that they have to have the perfect body. For me, the work is to like myself. Thats the real work. I also want to tell you that there are a lot of guys who like someone for who they are. And they think the girl is beautiful just the way she is.

    I cant tell you to like yourself as you are, just as I cannot tell myself to do that. Its too big an order for me. But I can tell you that it is your heart that is the most important thing. I have a feeling that you are a good person. And any guy who is worthy will see that.
  7. PaigehBabeh

    PaigehBabeh Member


    I can guarantee that you are a beautiful, young lady. I don't care who is skinnier than you, I don't care who has bigger breasts, a bigger butt. Your beautiful brown eyes and brown hair are what makes you beautiful! I know it's easier said than done, but look at yourself in that mirror and try and see the beauty of yourself. I bet you have a lovely smile, I bet your eyes sparkle. Think about the things you like about your appearance.

    Also, do not worry about getting a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend isn't necessary, I know it is nice to have someone who cares and to hold you, but seriously, don't let your low self esteem knock you. There is someone for everyone. I know this from experience. I used to and still sometimes do think I am disgusting, I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and think how disgusting I am but I have had more than one man tell me that I am beautiful and they love how I look. I am also a large girl and that messed my confidence up but I am slowly learning to love myself.

    Best of luck sweetheart, remember that YOU ARE GORGEOUS. xxxxx
  8. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    one thing i really should clarify is i'm not overweight, i'm average, but i feel like that's not enough. clearly, considering i'm alone. girls at my college are like rail thin and i just can't compete with that. i'm small given my build but boys don't see it that way... i just look like a box. it's frustrating because i know i'd feel better about myself if i knew other people saw it in me, but i don't feel like they do. anytime i feel kinda confident or try to i think, well if i'm so great or whatever, why does nobody want me?
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    maybe some guys want you but they are too shy to say anything...you never know...I've learned that some guys had crushes on me in highschool YEARS after I was there...you just never know because you can't read other people's thoughts and feelings...

    what you think of yourself is not always what others think of you...I was often surprised that some people said nice things about me when I was sure they hated me.....

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be so hard on yourself...we are always are harshest critique aren't we :)
  10. Tinydancer1

    Tinydancer1 Member

    hey dreamer ...

    I completly agree with what the others say , if your that unhappy then you can always change your appearence unless you have medical reasons ?.... I have always struggled with excepting the way i look i always felt like the ugly one at school and all my friends looked like models ! when i was 16 i lost loads of weight and was so happy with the complements i was getting but of course i took it too far and in the process lost my hair too. I know have a medical condition which has made me lose my hair again and also is making me lose my teeth. My body is constantly bloated from medication and water rentention no matter how much i eat , and i am pretty much bed bound. i look at pictures on my fb of my friends and it breaks my heart i would do anything to just look 'normal' so please please dont get down. im sure your beautiful, start eating healthy working out take vitamins for your skin and hair and above all be happy your have your health. please keep smiling at look at all th epositives in your life ! x
  11. John B

    John B Active Member

    Beauty is based on the viewers’ opinion and everybody’s opinion is different which makes beauty irrelevant. As a young female the only thing you should be worried about is health and intelligence. The more you know, the more you can do and the easier your life will be. If you’re healthy and your body is happy and not complaining, telling you to go run 5km, then you’re fine. You should also be aware that with the vast amount of petrochemicals and corn derivatives in food products has a negative impact on the health and physical appearance of a lot of people. I should also state that, as a male, I’m confused with the numbers you have given. Twenty year old female at 5’9”, 33-30-39 with 34a cup; if you were overweight wouldn’t you have a 34c at least. A curvy figure depends on the distribution, some people are soft because of the food they eat and their local environment but there is nothing wrong with that either. [After reading your other post, the following may not apply.] If you’re seriously concerned about your health and weight I can recommend this hippy herbal place, they have products that provide all the nutrition the human body requires. A diet on that stuff with strenuous exercise should allow you body to drop everything that is unnecessary. Let me know if this helps in any way.
    -I do not know enough to have a valid opinion.
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