Do I have an eating disorder, or is this related to something else?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Mar 12, 2015.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    I weigh myself like 5-8 times a day.

    I feel depressed and guilty every time I eat anything.

    I count calories like crazy.

    If the scale shows I gained any weight at all, even like a tenth of a pound I start wondering if I really actually gained it somehow, or if it's because I just recently ate or drank something within the past couple of hours and it'll go back down again once I go to the bathroom the next time.

    However, I've never tried to throw up my food...(although it has made me happy before when I did throw up without purposely trying to on numerous occasions because I actually felt nauseous and sick...)

    I'm 124lbs at 5'4

    I have Borderline and Avoidant Personality Disorders, Social Anxiety, Mild-Moderate depression, and generalized anxiety

    So based on that information, anyone have a theory about the question in my title?
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    It certainly sounds like an obsession at the least, if not a disorder. I guess my question would be whether or not you have particular eating habits or patterns that are based around whether or not you will gain weight. I have no idea what the official criteria are for an eating disorder; what you are describing does sound like a problem though - sorry. :hug:
  3. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    As someone with an eating disorder, your symptoms definitely sound like at least the beginnings of an eating disorder to me. Although you're not throwing up, that's not a standard symptom that comes with it. Eating disorders have many different forms, a lot like every mental disorder.

    Have you been to the doctors or anything about it yet? The fact that you're recognising now is amazing and could save you so much stress and pain in the long run.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    124lb is approx 8 stone, which is a healthy weight for your height or maybe even a few lbs under weight.

    From what you have wrote, it does seem you have a problem but i wouldn't be able to say if it's an eating disorder or a trait of borderline. Best thing you can do it talk to a doctor, weighing yourself that amount of times a day is extreme. I watch my weight but only weigh in once a week.

    Best of luck to you :) Hope you recover from this soon :)
  5. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    What is the worst that could happen if you gain a pound?

    What's the reasoning behind the obsession over your weight?
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Well, I make sure not to eat more than 750 calories a day...up to 800 at the very most if I'm really hungry still, if that's what you mean.
  7. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Thank you, I appreciate your response and support. That's what I was thinking as well...that it could possibly be related to BPD more so than an eating disorder, but I wasn't sure.
  8. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Since I was about 7-8, I constantly got made fun of and ridiculed about my weight, by both my family and people at school...and it scarred me so much that I can't help but act like a complete nutcase about it now. Everyone says I'm fine how I am now and some even go as far as to say I'm skinny/anorexic (not because they literally think I'm anorexic, but just to emphasize how skinny I supposedly am), but I just don't believe them because what I see in the mirror is something different than what they see. Either that, or my standards are just too high maybe, I don't know. But, honestly, I don't think they're all that high...if anything, maybe their standards are too low. Because when I look at myself in the mirror I see a lot of things that I could improve upon. Weight-wise, I want to be maybe 119-120 yeah 124 bothers me a little bit, but not too much, cause I'm pretty close to where I want to be. But when it comes to what my body itself looks like...I just hate it. There's extra fat where there shouldn't be any. And other people supposedly don't see any extra fat...or so they say, but I think they're either lying their asses off to make me feel better or they're delusional. So yeah, all in all, I'm limiting myself to 750 calories a day to lose a little more weight, but more so than my weight, I want to fix my figure. But the very last thing I want to do is gain any weight...that's why it upsets me if I do and why I'm crash dieting just to make sure I don't.
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    That feeling of guilt for eating is one of the ED roots growing deeper...

    Weighting yourself few times a day, calorie counting... More roots. Cut this plant growing inside you before it becomes a hollow being that thrives on water and sunlight.

    That's how I see my ED taking its roots firmly I've been trying to hack at it. I'm the happiest when I eat nothing for days.

    I can switch on and off but the part of me is getting stronger to withhold food everytime I step on the scale.
  10. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    I got myself down to 113lbs since I last posted. I was so happy with it at first, but for some reason every time I check my weight now, it's still the same, but yet I feel like I look fatter than before. My face somehow looks rounder and my stomach seems to stick out a little bit more than before too. Maybe I'm just going freaking insane at this point and seeing shit, I don't even know. Cause how would that even be possible if my weight is exactly the same as it was when I was happy with it? It doesn't make any sense, but it's got me kind of depressed now. I'm feeling not good enough again when I look at myself.
  11. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one's appearance.

    People with BDD can dislike any part of their body, although they often find fault with their hair, skin, nose, chest, or stomach. In reality, a perceived defect may be only a slight imperfection or nonexistent. But for someone with BDD, the flaw is significant and prominent, often causing severe emotional distress and difficulties in daily functioning.

    BDD most often develops in adolescents and teens, and research shows that it affects men and women almost equally. About one percent of the U.S. population has BDD.

    The causes of BDD are unclear, but certain biological and environmental factors may contribute to its development, including genetic predisposition, neurobiological factors such as malfunctioning of serotonin in the brain, personality traits, and life experiences.

    You should see a professional about this, it isn't healthy.
  12. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Huh. I actually didn't know that the imperfection could be a slight one and it would still match the criteria, I thought it had to be nonexistent. Well, in that case then, I might have that. Awesome. So now I get to add that on to Borderline/Avoidant Personality, Social Anxiety, Depression, Drug Dependency...and I'm pretty sure there's one or two other things I'm forgetting. Wow, I am one fucked up individual when I think about it.
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Dont worry about the labels. It doesnt define who you are as a person.
  14. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Insanity needs no definition.
  15. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Now I'm starting to take laxatives on purpose for my weight to go down. Not all the time, just if I don't go to the bathroom in the morning like I normally do. Granted, I can always use the excuse of "I'm doing it cause I'm afraid of being constipated and another intestinal blockage forming because of it" but that's not the real reason.
  16. al0neinmusic

    al0neinmusic Member

    If it's not an ED, it's definitely some form of disordered eating pattern. But the emotional side to your problem does make it more likely to be an actual eating disorder. How long has this been going on for?

    I've had experience with most eating disorders at some point, including bulimia, EDNOS, orthorexia, compulsive eating etc. And now I have anorexia.
    You do sound a lot like I was at the beginning, so maybe it's just best to keep an eye out for now, try to keep it under control because the longer you leave it, the harder it gets when you eventually face it.
  17. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Overuse of laxs can mess it up more. Just dont overuse it. I personally dont need it. I get the runs in 24 hour if I dont eat anything.
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