I'm not really sure what I can say here... I suffer from anxiety... but lately it's been depression. I'm supposed to be moving in 2 weeks with my fiance... both my jobs let me go before my last day and I am now beyond strapped for money. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for things let alone afford to move. I asked my main job why I wasn't on the schedule and they gave me some bullshit excuse about not knowing my availability despite me putting it on the calendar for the scheduler that I was completely open and free... Honestly? I think it's because I'm slightly anti social... I don't have friends... I dislike just about everyone. I hate being in crowds. My other half is constantly on my ass about being more social with his friends. At work I'm not mean or anything... I generally eat lunch in my car and I'll sleep or just hang out there for the hour. I don't go out after work not that I get invited anyways.. Usually when I come around people stop talking about their plans so they don't awkwardly have to feel obligated to invite me... I just don't feel like I relate to anyone I work with. We live with in a house where his ex gf is... I am beginning to really hate her. They haven't dated in 10 years, but it's weird. She is obnoxious and volatile and constantly vies for his attention? Seriously? You broke up with him 10 years ago... now he has someone he wants to marry and you're gonna cling to him? She tried to get him to allow her to move with us, but I refuse. She is attention seeking and on my nerves. I refuse to talk to my other half... He's asking me whats wrong... If I do talk to him he just... he doesn't know how to talk to me... it becomes a fight. None of my 'friends' or family want to see me before moving... We are having a going away party and they have either attacked me because the location is 'too far' for them and I need to either have a seperate party specifically closer to them or they won't go. My family is too busy for me and again it's not convenient to see me... Let me just say we all live in a city... I am smack dab in the middle of it, no more than 20 minutes away from anyone... in most cases 10 minutes. The party location is definitely at least 20-30 minutes away... I've put it out there that I'm depressed... No one cares. I have no one to talk to that understands. It's come to me posting on an online forum to reach out. I feel so alone and I honestly feel like the only way out is to either disappear completely off the radar or end things for myself. It's become a pattern. I've never had friends. Never any good ones. At 24, almost 25, I still get bullied by adults hence my antisocialism. What's the point? I don't belong anywhere. If my own mom and dad don't want to waste their time on me, why would anyone else? I feel like theres something wrong with me. I've never made friends easily... and I mean I should... I'm not ugly by any means... I keep in shape... I do normal things like go to the gym, eat healthy, I ride horses... I do fun things... I think? Yet.... I'm completely alone. I have my animals. A dog who is a complete reflection of myself... My fiance gets jealous cause I'd rather hold my dog then be around him. I know the financial aspect of my problems are only temporary. I have a job when I move including a pay increase. My horse is out there waiting for me... I'm just beyond disappointed in the people I call friends or family... I guess I am let down and feel abandoned? I hate using the word abandoned.... I'm an adult. Why should I even care? My 'friends' I never see... they are mainly friends from high school. Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I have friends that enjoy being around me? Or family for that matter? I wish this feeling of disappointment and hopelessness would go away. A new move doesn't signify new beginnings... It equates to more disappointment. I want to try and start anew... Make friends. But I know how it will end. It will end how it always ends. People getting quiet when I walk in the room so they don't have to awkwardly invite me out. People bitching me out cause the plans I made are too far for them and I am merely a friend of convenience. I'm not really sure what I even expect out of writing this... I don't expect replies or comfort. I'm not even sure I'm worth it anyways.