I've had an eating disorder for 3 years. From bulimia, to binge eating, to anorexia, to EDNOS. I went from being normal weight, to overweight, to underweight. Now I'm at a normal weight again and I feel like a failure. If I reach my goal weight, I would consider recovering, but I have 40 pounds to lose before I reach that weight, and it feels so far away. I feel like I don't deserve recovery because I'm still fat, but I hate the daily battle of "to eat or not to eat". I have so many other things bothering me and this is just another thing that makes me want to try to kill myself again.