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do you ever wish you could talk to someone whos gone?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by ryuko, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. ryuko

    ryuko tried and true

    almost 5 years ago, i met a person on a different forum which was a game cheats one. at the time it was october 2011. (i believe he was a member here, his user was fumahol) he made a topic in the general discussion about how he hated his life and how he wanted to die. at the time i was 12, (very young probably) he was 17. around that time i was overcoming getting out of abuse from my mother, feeling suicidal myself at the time, i told him things, about how i relate for one. this then lead to us exchanging emails to talk to each other and rant.

    we became very close over time. wed always rant to and support each other. now having instant messaging, wed talk for hours on end. he honestly made me forget all the bad things all around me. i remember him thanking me often about how my positivity has helped him. fast forward to spring 2012, i could feel ourselves slowly drifting away, he was gone longer, sometimes for days, and then finally, an entire summer.

    he finally talked to me in september 2012 saying he tried hanging himself amongst other things while he was gone. i was heartbroken. not long after this he was gone again, another attempt.

    now were here in 2013. we talk every now and then, i could feel our friendship begin to no longer stiffen. our conversations were no longer long. they were just, "hi how are you? "fine" and nothing else.

    and then he vanished. he was never online, he was never anywhere. its been three years now since i last spoke to him.

    which lead me to believe that he left this world. i always hope he will just come back and tell me how hes been and that im wrong of believing that he committed suicide. i turn 17 soon, the age he was when we first met. knowing that stings like venom.

    he saved me, but i couldnt save him. everyday, every hour, every minute, i think of him. its like i cant stop thinking about him. if i could wish for one thing, it would be to talk to him, just once.

    (sorry if this isnt very descriptive, i just wanted to write it quick i guess)
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for you loss ryuko. Sometimes I wish I could talk to the people I've lost in my life as well. I lost my mother and my friend Jessica to suicide. Both of which I didn't see coming and I never realized that they were nearing their end. Both of which haunts me still because I should of notified the signs and I didn't... In someways I feel guilty about what happened because I should of done something or noticed it.

    As for your friend ryuko I'm sorry. I'm glad that he saved you and I wish he would of allowed you to do the same for him. But, sometimes people push away a helping hand which can be devastating. It devestates me because I was close to my mother and Jessica and they didn't reach out for help,