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does anyone else have 0 friends?
- Thread starter mztthewbry
- Start date
I had few friends growing up, I was pretty low on the totem pole at school, but for much of my 20s (damn I feel old writing this...) I had no friends, no job, no money and the loneliness was palpable. Having only 1 friend can be a little lonely but zero is a whole different feeling.
The problem is that people somehow smell loneliness and stay far away. That always struck me as unfair.
All I can say is to use this time to develop hobbies like I did. If you want to make friends, develop yourself. Varied hobbies and skills make you more interesting to new people. I tried 3D computer graphic design, wood carving, DIY projects, computer programming, I wrote some music and poems, I learned climbing, archery, drawing....
I don't do them anymore, but they are talking points, conversational hooks, and a shared hobby is always a good start to a friendship. (They also happen to be some useful skills if they ever come up.)
The problem is that people somehow smell loneliness and stay far away. That always struck me as unfair.
All I can say is to use this time to develop hobbies like I did. If you want to make friends, develop yourself. Varied hobbies and skills make you more interesting to new people. I tried 3D computer graphic design, wood carving, DIY projects, computer programming, I wrote some music and poems, I learned climbing, archery, drawing....
I don't do them anymore, but they are talking points, conversational hooks, and a shared hobby is always a good start to a friendship. (They also happen to be some useful skills if they ever come up.)
I think a lot of people here understand having no friends. Some are very young, others are much older. It's definitely a skill you acquire through life, that's for sure. You say you're in your teens but does that mean 13... or 19? Because those ARE actually a bit different in how you acquire new relationships with others.
I thought I had only a few friends, but I eventually learned that there are more people who care about me than I realize. Of course they donāt call me to chat all the time, tbh whenever I get an incoming call, itās more than 90% likely to be someone trying to get money from me.
Yet there were more people who cared
about me when it really mattered. And I donāt call the people I want to talk to, either because I imagine they are dealing with their own lives. But I do care about them and I would be there immediately if I could help in any way.
This may not be your experience, but I would guess that most of us are like that. When I was in my early twenties, I got involved with the punk rock scene. I made some great friends who I am still friends with today. So who knows- itās entirely possible to have more friends in your twenties than you do in your teens. I guess I am rambling, but my point is that you might have friends that you donāt even realize, and you can make friends through shared experiences.
Yet there were more people who cared
about me when it really mattered. And I donāt call the people I want to talk to, either because I imagine they are dealing with their own lives. But I do care about them and I would be there immediately if I could help in any way.
This may not be your experience, but I would guess that most of us are like that. When I was in my early twenties, I got involved with the punk rock scene. I made some great friends who I am still friends with today. So who knows- itās entirely possible to have more friends in your twenties than you do in your teens. I guess I am rambling, but my point is that you might have friends that you donāt even realize, and you can make friends through shared experiences.
I think forming friendships can be comparable to achieving happiness: If you actively seek it, it slips through your grasp. Friends and happiness come as a by-product or side effect of developing your own personhood and character. Practice kindness as a way of life; pursue knowledge about any subjects that interest you; develop a hobby or two; do not cause suffering or discomfort to anyone; be helpful.........but try to avoid being too eager to please. No one likes an ass kisser.
I only had buddies, and only 2 friends. Trying hard to find friends is a weak point as people "smell it". So better to do other things like mentioned above or sports. For me it was martial arts, music, writing, travelling on minimum.... There are 100s of possibilities. I still try to do it today. The more you are yourself, the easier it gets. Man I am old and the older you get, the more difficult it is to find "real" friends. I am completely alone, my friends are all over, in different countries. But you know what - I like it. Give it time - grow first and find yourself. I hope for you that you have a family - this is important to learn social skills.
Do not run after friendship - this ends badly, you will just be used (in all senses and behind your back, they will laugh).
What interests me is your opinion, why do you find no friends. Reason?
Do not run after friendship - this ends badly, you will just be used (in all senses and behind your back, they will laugh).
What interests me is your opinion, why do you find no friends. Reason?
yes @mztthewbry
I've come to terms with it, sort of, but it's taken a lot of years.
Social interaction is a complicated and ever shifting game which depends on your situation and may or may not ever be easy for some of us.
I wouldn't want to go back and do my teen years over, I think they're often really difficult.
I've come to terms with it, sort of, but it's taken a lot of years.
Social interaction is a complicated and ever shifting game which depends on your situation and may or may not ever be easy for some of us.
I wouldn't want to go back and do my teen years over, I think they're often really difficult.
When I started at University I had no friends and everyone else seemed to be so happy partying and socializing. You think that you're the only one who's not happy and not getting on. By the end of my time I realized that there were lots of unhappy people who were lonely and not getting on. I became friends with a couple of them, and yes I took 2 years to make friends and other people took 2 days to make friends, but I think I had better friendships because of it.
oh yeah, that's about the strangest age to MAKE new friends, isn't it? Younger kids are easy to make friends with each other and then those groups split around 14/15. When everyone kind of goes their own way, everyone wanders off to make new friends and create new groups that hang around for the next several years through high school age. Fortunately you only have to outlast those couple years before people make MORE new friends at college age.
What do you like to do? Can you take a class or join a gym or learn something cool off on the side of school? You're most likely to make some new friends by finding others with your same interests.
What do you like to do? Can you take a class or join a gym or learn something cool off on the side of school? You're most likely to make some new friends by finding others with your same interests.