Does it matter to me/or should it? :-(

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Lionheart, Jun 3, 2013.

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  1. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    I have a friend who really quite is grumpy himself and has made it clear to me he think's, people who have the feeling off suicide sometimes are just cowards and hates them. :-(. I feel ashamed as I had those before not from wanting to really, but should it bother me what somebody thinks of a person's life even a friend I've known for a long time? I know you can't possibly please everyone in this world.

    It's said so often, in TV show's like CSI. 'Suicide victim's are cowards and cowardly in nature' :-(.
    People often say 'They should burn for what they did to everyone' :-(. Sometimes it seems you just can't do anything to please anyone when people have these views. 1 counseller said to me once he wasn't bothered whether I did, he's giving me skills to survive in life he coulden't care less. Reality check, fair comment I guess. :-(

    But then so many people have so much anger and do care whether people are a certain way or handle things/struggle to sometimes. How can I best say to myself not to pay attention to peoples views and opinions of either me or others, when I already can't feel proud to be alive. It's like nothing to me life, more of a curse to have to live through some days. Those are the hardest feelings to cope with right now as their true to me right now and since I can remember. It get's worse as I get older.. :-(
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Suicide is many things, cowardly is not one of them. Unfortunately, it is an opinion as much as fact in such statements. People will always have different opinions on many things and deciding who to maintain a friendship with based on differences in opinion really is a case of how much the difference is an affront to your core values and what are the things that you do not have a difference of opinion on. If in general you get along well with this person and he finds it necessary to share that opinion with you then you certainly have a right to state your opinion to the contrary in return, make your case , and then either he will see it your way or you can agree to disagree.

    You do not need affirmation in all of your thoughts from all of your friends - security in knowing you are entitled to your own thoughts and opinions will serve you better. Choosing to dismiss the opinions and thoughts of people you sincerely believe to be wrong is a great step in finding your own self esteem and pride. You can learn to not let it bother you by accepting your opinion and thoughts have just as much value as theirs. They honestly do you know.
     
  3. justwill

    justwill New Member

    Lionheart, I have to totally concur with NYJmpMaster, in everything he (or she!?) said... Sorry, I'm a newbster to the forum; I don't know who ppl are yet, and be sexist or presumptive...
    I don't know your previous threads or posts, so I have no context upon which to speak.
    I'm no professional, by any means. - I recently moved to Seattle, after living for 22 years in San Francisco - I got my B.A. degree in clinical-psych from San Francisco State University, and even did my internship at San Francisco Suicide Prevention, on Geary St., in S.F...that was like 18 years ago...
    How ironic that I would turn to this forum, after all these years, for my own suicidal-feelings...you just never know, how life will flip you upside-down.
    But my point is twofold: Your judgemental friend's harsh opinions sound a bit 'bollocks' up' to me; maybe he got that from his parents or a sibling? - Your 2nd paragraph: Are you liking your counselor? Does he "get' you; does he understand you? - A counselor should; if they're good...
    Peace, and best wishes, from Seattle, Washington... btw, it's really trippy, how people help each other out, in mutual ways...keep the faith, brother! :)
     
  4. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your replies and help with that situation for me. It's been something of a crisis for me as of late to try and work out, I do have quite low self confidence when it comes to feeling comfortable with my own views on people and behaviour. I like people to be honest and what makes this world unique is the way in which we all live differently and have different points of view. But the way my friend said that out for no reason other then to voice his opinion on the something upset as I'd never let out I'd ever felt that way inside to him. Ever since I 'd known him I'd always tried to compete with him at college as he always had that biting dry wit, also he used to brag about having the ebtire collection of some toy line from the 80's :). lol. Instead of letting something like that bother me I always tried to come back with a witty retort and usually failed. :). But that view scared me as I had kept that from so many people and didn't want him to think less of me if I mentioned it. 1 of my other friends usually talks to me about how much he hates 'doo-gooders' in his eyes. Because of his black and white view of the world he has so much anger, again I don't want to lose him as a friend, but again I really wish he woulden't tell me things like that as I don't ask and I am guilty of thinking like a person deep down that he seems to hate. I find it difficult to feel confident keeping things in they might hate so much!
    I think NYJumpmaster your right in the best way to handle situations like that is to be confident in my view is mine inside, and if it differs from somebodies it dosen't make me worse of a person, especially over trivial points of view on people like calling them cowards deep down. :) Ty,

    I know my support worker quite well, I appreciated him being honest, I just felt so bad that he's brought his personal feelings about his work into my support time like that. Should I of felt bad or is that maybe stupid of me? :-(. Like I felt I was belittled in an interview once for past things with a support worker, I may of been wrong but I mentioned how I felt and they just laughed at me. :-(. Giggled really. That answered it I guess that I'd interpreted her sarcasm at times wrong, but I felt she would explain not make fun like that. For me to feel that way I must of had a good reason, I knew what honesty was but unfortunately knew what patronising was too. But as I laughed at for trying to say I felt that way. Should I of felt angry for being treated like that in that situation and said it wasn't fair as my right to be treated with some respect, even if I am unwell with depression and anxiety at the moment?
    Now I tell them what it sounds like they wanna hear. Less chance of anything like that happening again now. :) It's become like playground rules with the health professionals I've seen. A Fight to be treated like a an equal person with feelings too. :-(.
     
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    With the therapist side of things, it can take time to find a good one. Just like some take time to find the right prescribed med to help. Also, if you want honesty, only telling them what they want to hear isn't going to be pointing the help in the direction you truly want it.

    On the friends side of things, like NYJmpMaster said, your thoughts and opinions have an equal value, and if someone has a different view, it is ok, even if you disagree with it. Feeling guilty for being against the grain of what a friend thinks sounds like a reaction to their opinion, which in turn is hampering your confidence in dealing with it. You could look at that (how you handle/react to the discussions with your friends), and see if its worth continuing down the same path or if it could do with a few tweaks.
     
  6. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Yeah I am quite naive and very guilty of that and I did see all the therapists as equal in offering their support, as their work. I never expected to hear anything personal and it shocked me quite a lot. I usually don't give out opinions unless somebody seems to being attacking someone with their's in a room etc.
    It so true I am having a positive reaction to that viewpoint, I have been so worried about them knowing my feelings of unhappiness after hearing somebodies view on hating someone like that in their eyes. The word hate is often used by my friends too. The only option is to find different friends as I know inside everybody has different ways on living and points of view on others. It was that worry of being hated and never hearing from 'em again. Pre-empting that bad situation that might never happen. Most of the other views we have different from each other are of good things like music tastes and interests. Stuff to have a good chat about hanging out now and again. :fat:

    I do want there honesty and I think I thought I got it with somebody saying their personal stake in being my support worker or laughed at in a meeting with a doctor and a support worker. I can see I may of sounded stupid and think about that a lot, maybe I didn't make myself clear in what I wanted to say in a meeting but I guess I thought to get giggled at was like the hint to stop being such a dick and get back out there in the world and deal with things like everyone else. Which was fine, I'd been telling myself that for years trying to convince myself to just handle life and ''be a man'. Just be a man. But I never got anywhere, I still do it I havn't give up. I felt ashamed to be laughed out the room almost, but it was honest if they trully felt that I was being odd. I never thought I'd have to deal with someone like my old boss in a doctors office with that kind of sarcasm, like I said I was very naive in the world. But they were being honest yes.
    I know what you mean, me only telling someone what they want to hear these days is basically me hiding from the situation because of their honesty. I just feel made fun of and am very nervous to ask anymore questions now after that kind of thing. I always thought they would be honest in a way without making fun of someone in a way. I'm sure there must be a way? :wacko:

    I know they keep telling me to deal with things assertively but that can be done without making someone feel bad surely. If they are being honest in a meeting like that, was pupils at high school being honest when they said things to people and myself about being that failure or weird. :wacko:

    I believed 'em at the time. I still think about it. I just don't know anymore? :wacko:
     
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    You seem to be in a similar pattern to what I do. I am naive (gullible) at times, believing others before they prove otherwise, and I also prefer honesty, so I can give off an impression that I'm not caring even when I do.

    Getting giggled at by a therapist is unprofessional of them - although they are people too and are rarely allowed to make mistakes without being criticised heavily for it - it doesn't excuse their reactions.

    As for believing others words about you, that is entirely within your hands how you react. I think differently on it - I tend to allow them to have their opinions, but if they are derogatory (ie, call me a failure), I don't allow it to affect me - it is only their opinion, and while of equal value, not one for me to necessarily 'believe' (if that makes sense). If they call me weird, I laugh at them for it - most of us are unique so in our own diverse ways we will be 'weird' to some.
    Using that basis, although being made fun of is not nice, it would also be linked in with how you respond to it.

    While it is not in everyone's set up - would you be up for considering not believing opinions from others that are percievably nasty/abusive - in your own opinion of it?
     
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