Doing normal things/having normal conversations. BPD

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Petal, Jan 2, 2015.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I really want to make today the last day I complain about anything I have even started doing it without realizing i'm complaining. Also, because I have BPD I can have instability in relationships, I am trying to find a middle ground, not overly trying vs doing nothing.

    How do I spark up conversations that I want to keep going? To make that person think, wow she seems better.

    Or for people to think my attitude has changed. People that know me very well know that when people close to me say hurtful things they HURT. But with people outside that close zone I am not that sensitive.

    How do I become more ''approachable''. I really want to try and have a good stable relationship with all around me.

    I am able to talk to strangers better than I can talk to those close to me. Go figure!!
     
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I've been told on several occasions that I seem unapproachable because apparently the look on my face and my body language always says 'don't you dare try to talk to me'. I honestly don't notice it most of the time, either. That look is my normal look and people just interpret it a certain way I guess. For the most part I do try to avoid social interaction wherever possible...but I don't intentionally try to look mean or unapproachable, it just kind of comes naturally. Well, for me, it has to do with social anxiety more so than BPD, though. But as for making your relationships with those around you better...I'm honestly not an expert on the subject, especially since you know that I, too, have BPD lol. But um...you could try getting a self-help book maybe. Either on DBT, which teaches you how to have better interpersonal relationships with people, or maybe just a book on relationships in general. It's very hard trying to find a middle ground though, especially if the people around you are no help either. And I mean that in the sense that they don't know how to deal with someone who has BPD. I strongly believe that in order for people like us to have happy relationships, it's not just us who need to do all the changing. Those around us also need to try to learn better ways to communicate with us that wont provoke intense emotional reactions. Even if I'm trying my hardest to control myself and not freak out about something that's being said, and that person just continues to go on and on and provoke me, I'm still going to end up freaking out. But of course other people don't think they need to do any changing most of the time, especially if they know you're the one with the BPD and can use it against you.
     
  3. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Stop trying to convince people to see you in a way that they don't. Be yourself and do as you please, how you please. Without even trying, your actions and principles will show who you are. Focus on being there for those who are there for you and treat kindly those who can't do anything for you.

    Whoever isn't into who you are, stop trying to change them. Too many people in the world to try to focus on and change one to be interested in you when they're not. Free will.

    I don't think there's anything you need to change about yourself to be approachable. Those who are into you and enjoy who you are already, dig 'em. That's it. Don't chase people. Ladies never have to. Except children and fleeing criminals. And maybe the ice cream truck.

    Also, people who want to keep talking with you will, those who don't won't. If you feel like you gotta try hard to make someone interested in talking to you, then that's a path to misery, doing circus tricks for people who just aren't interested. Leave 'em be.

    I've found that it's easy to open up to strangers because, well, they are strangers. Theyre not part of your life, they dont know you so they have little judgments of value, theres no attachment there and thus no reason to hold back. Its not like a stranger can really hold you accountable to anything because they havent seen you rise and fall. They only know the side you show them, not the sides people whove known and spent time with you for ten years have. Its why internet forums are so popular - the curtain of anonymity breaks restraints because your audience doesn't know you and likely will never know you anyway.

    Let go.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2015
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