don’t think I’ve got that long left

[Gonz]

So, I mentioned being in the hospital when I started posting here again, and some of the drama that happened there. I had diabetic ketoacidosis. Spent the couple of days before going to the hospital weak and vomiting so much that eventually all that was coming up was blood from my eroded esophagus. I was badly dehydrated because I couldn’t even keep water down, and my lips had burns from all the stomach acid.

Had covid too which, between the diabetes, my heart problems, and my compromised immune system was no fucking joke.

Either the heart attack or the ketoacidosis would have been fatal without quick medical attention, and I can’t help but feel like there are likely more similar events in my future. Probably near future. I can feel myself getting weaker. I have chest pains sometime, and dizzy spells.

I just turned 41, and I’m not sure I’ll make it to 45. 50 seems really unlikely. And I’m kinda okay with that. For my own sake anyway; I worry about my family finding me dead and having to go through what I went through when I found Jessica.

 

[Unenthusiastic]

So, I mentioned being in the hospital when I started posting here again, and some of the drama that happened there. I had diabetic ketoacidosis. Spent the couple of days before going to the hospital weak and vomiting so much that eventually all that was coming up was blood from my eroded esophagus. I was badly dehydrated because I couldn’t even keep water down, and my lips had burns from all the stomach acid.

Had covid too which, between the diabetes, my heart problems, and my compromised immune system was no fucking joke.

Either the heart attack or the ketoacidosis would have been fatal without quick medical attention, and I can’t help but feel like there are likely more similar events in my future. Probably near future. I can feel myself getting weaker. I have chest pains sometime, and dizzy spells.

I just turned 41, and I’m not sure I’ll make it to 45. 50 seems really unlikely. And I’m kinda okay with that. For my own sake anyway; I worry about my family finding me dead and having to go through what I went through when I found Jessica.

To be quite honest threads like these make me feel guilty for squandering my good health. If I could give it to you, I would.

What makes things particularly difficult about your situation is your inability to self-isolate due to the frequent (?) medical attention you require.

Are you at least feeling a bit better right now?

 

[seabird]

hugs @Gonz.

I think it's still possible you could regain your health. Have the doctors suggested a treatment plan for you, I mean have they addressed the future at all?

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

well Gonz,
What is your goal? Life?
There are changes than can potentially make diabetes/heart issues better.
Without knowing specifics, I cant be sure.…
But you can likely get a physician that can help you manage your health & stay out of the hospital. I think you would need some regular visits for awhile.
I am willing to help you figure out a some options to get care. I believe you left the hospital AMA (against medical advice) . So you prob don't have suggested prescriptions & follow up appointments. finding a dr is a great first step.
a holistic approach to life really helps.
Mind-body-soul.
🦩🦩🦩

 

[Gonz]

To be quite honest threads like these make me feel guilty for squandering my good health. If I could give it to you, I would.

What makes things particularly difficult about your situation is your inability to self-isolate due to the frequent (?) medical attention you require.

Are you at least feeling a bit better right now?

Don’t feel guilty; most of what’s wrong with my health, the heart stuff in particular, I did to myself through long term drug abuse. If anything, I’m the one who squandered it.

I am doing better now though, or at least back to my baseline (which I suspect most people would not count as feeling particularly “good” lol); tired and weak, but not in any particular pain.

 

[Gonz]

hugs @Gonz.

I think it's still possible you could regain your health. Have the doctors suggested a treatment plan for you, I mean have they addressed the future at all?

I’m on a ton of meds; insulin, like 15 different pills a day for years. But I think it’s all kinda aimed at just keeping things from getting worse. I mean, they do lab work, they adjust my meds accordingly, but there’s not much talk of getting to a point where I’m not constantly dealing with all of this.

 

[seabird]

That is what I was wondering, @Gonz . Being able to get back home would give some measure of privacy if not autonomy. The meds, lab work, and the doctor visits take precedence I guess. I'm glad you've got family around.
And you have us.

 

[Gonz]

well Gonz,
What is your goal? Life?
There are changes than can potentially make diabetes/heart issues better.
Without knowing specifics, I cant be sure.…
But you can likely get a physician that can help you manage your health & stay out of the hospital. I think you would need some regular visits for awhile.
I am willing to help you figure out a some options to get care. I believe you left the hospital AMA (against medical advice) . So you prob don't have suggested prescriptions & follow up appointments. finding a dr is a great first step.
a holistic approach to life really helps.
Mind-body-soul.
🦩🦩🦩

I did leave against medical advice, but at that point they weren’t giving me any meds I didn’t already take at home (and *not* giving me my psych meds, despite telling me they were), they were mostly just constantly monitoring my blood sugar and giving me frequent doses of insulin, which I could do myself.

I guess my goal is really just to stay out of the damn hospital. I’ve been admitted for various issues for at least a week at a time, at least once a year (often two or three times a year), for a long effing time now. And, having agoraphobia, it takes a lot out of to be away from my home for that long when I can usually barely manage an hour or two without a panic attack.

I guess I really just want to live out whatever time I have left with just a minimum of pain.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I respect you. I am sorry your health is poor. If you continue to have chest pains, ask a cardiologist if you can adjust your meds. I am sorry that everything is so difficult.
i think a goal of minimal pain is reasonable. I hope your drs can help you do ths. You are kind person, you deserve some peace in your life.

 

[spiderplant]

You are very brave in facing these challenges. Is it type II diabetes?

 

[Gonz]

You are very brave in facing these challenges. Is it type II diabetes?

Thanks for saying so. Don’t really feel that way though; more just resigned to it.

It’s this. Officially it’s considered type I, but distinct enough that many (my endocrinologist among them) think it should have its own classification.

Apparently symptoms tend to show up after another major medical event, a heart attack in my case, and never go away.

 

[AvidFan]

Hope you are doing OK at the moment @Gonz

 

[seabird]

I repeat what Avid Fan said.

I hope you are doing okay and feeling some good things coming along @Gonz .

 

[Waves]

Praying for you Gonz. You are valued here.

 

[Gonz]

I feel like I should be more bothered by my poor health but, honestly, I’m not.

So, hospitals and doctor’s offices (along with the personnel who work in them) are kind of a problem for me.

There was one year during my childhood where a bunch of really bad shit happened and my life kinda really went to shit. I mean, a lot of the negative shit going on in my life now has its roots in that awful fucking year. Among the other things that happened, I spent a month in the hospital for respiratory issues (turned out to be asthma that was triggered by mold inside our walls, but I was coughing blood for a while).

So anyway, hospitals and doctors set off my anxiety pretty bad and, as a result, I have tended to avoid them unless absolutely necessary which has contributed to my poor health now. But my therapist has been working with me to help me find doctors who will work with me to get me in and out quickly with a minimum of stress.

 

[spiderplant]

Thanks for saying so. Don’t really feel that way though; more just resigned to it.

It’s this. Officially it’s considered type I, but distinct enough that many (my endocrinologist among them) think it should have its own classification.

Apparently symptoms tend to show up after another major medical event, a heart attack in my case, and never go away.

I see. So many types of diabetes....damn

 

[toomuchreality]

I'm no good at advice, but I'd like to try. If your blood glucose goes too low, that's ketoacidosis, I think. I think my doctor knows stuff but sometimes I wonder. If your on insulin, is it possible to try type 2 diabetes meds? Have you taken them, or did your doctor put you on insulin right away? Just myself, I'm type 2. I need to eat carbs for the medication to work. I'm slowly getting off of them, because if I don't eat carbs but just protein and very little carbs, my blood sugar would be pretty good without any medication.

I'm sorry for all your health issues. I also have anxiety at going to the doctor and I won't let myself get admitted again to a hospital. Them not giving you your psych meds is just plain wrong and cruel. I hope your therapist helps you find an understanding good doctor. Please don't take this as advice because I'm not you, just wondering if it's going so low if maybe meds for type 2 are an option. Probably not if you've had type 1 since the start. Best wishes for you @Gonz

 

[Gonz]

I'm no good at advice, but I'd like to try. If your blood glucose goes too low, that's ketoacidosis, I think. I think my doctor knows stuff but sometimes I wonder. If your on insulin, is it possible to try type 2 diabetes meds? Have you taken them, or did your doctor put you on insulin right away? Just myself, I'm type 2. I need to eat carbs for the medication to work. I'm slowly getting off of them, because if I don't eat carbs but just protein and very little carbs, my blood sugar would be pretty good without any medication.

I'm sorry for all your health issues. I also have anxiety at going to the doctor and I won't let myself get admitted again to a hospital. Them not giving you your psych meds is just plain wrong and cruel. I hope your therapist helps you find an understanding good doctor. Please don't take this as advice because I'm not you, just wondering if it's going so low if maybe meds for type 2 are an option. Probably not if you've had type 1 since the start. Best wishes for you @Gonz

Thanks. I am on some of the meds type 2s usually take, but they put me on insulin after some months when they started to suspect it was the latent autoimmune variety.

The worst part was that the nurse told me I was getting the meds when I asked. I was being given a bunch of pills multiple times a day and was kinda out of it, so I didn’t really check to make sure that was one of them. I didn’t even find out I wasn’t given them until several days after the panic attack that caused me to leave.

They said that it didn’t seem like I needed them (it was the anxiety medication, they gave me the other psych meds I take), but that’s because decades of experience taught me how to maintain a composed exterior right up until I have a full-on panic attack.

My psychiatrist said she called and tore them a new one when she found out, and now I keep a few days supply stashed in my wallet just in case.