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don't say this to anyone with social anxiety!!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ava321, Aug 28, 2013.

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  1. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    i get SO SO SO mad when i'm obviously uncomfortable and i don't want to socialize.. and i'm told.. "just talk to people!"

    THAT'S WHAT I'M AVOIDING! it is not the cure! i get so frustrated that others can't be respectful of my desire to just people watch and talk a little when i feel i ready. gah.

  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    yes that's the totally wrong thing to say

    just try and ignore them
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I agree it's not nice if people are pressuring us to join in. Some people are naturally quiet. And people watching can let us get a feel for how others behave and which people in a group we might want to get to know. There's nothing wrong with being a reserved/quiet person. :)

    And of course socializing is not as simple as "just talking to people." If people with social anxiety could "just talk to people," they would, I'm sure - if they wanted to.

    However, if we want to be more "social" or to "overcome" social anxiety, we have to deal with whatever feelings are being triggered in social situations. Dealing with those might involve counselling and maybe meds.

    At a certain point, to overcome social anxiety, we do need to start interacting with people (or we can't learn and practise the necessary new skills for socializing). But it's not "just talking to people", it's more likely done with the support and guidance of a therapist, with some specific goals in mind. And over time, practice helps us to develop our skills.

    WebMD.com says the following about treatment for Social Anxiety:

    How Is Social Anxiety Disorder Treated?

    For social anxiety disorder, the most effective treatment currently available is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Medication may also be used to help ease the symptoms of social anxiety disorder so that CBT is more effective. Drugs may also be used alone.

    Cognitive-behavior therapy: The goal of CBT is to guide the person's thoughts in a more rational direction and help the person stop avoiding situations that once caused anxiety. It teaches people to react differently to the situations that trigger their anxiety symptoms. Therapy may include systematic desensitization or real life exposure to the feared situation. With systematic desensitization, the person imagines the frightening situation and works through his or her fears in a safe and relaxed environment, such as the therapist's office. Real life exposure gradually exposes the person to the situation but with the support of the therapist.

    Medication: There are several different types of drugs used to treat social anxiety disorder, including: antidepressants, like Paxil; tranquilizers (benzodiazepines), such as Klonopin and Ativan; beta-blockers, often used to treat heart conditions, may also be used to minimize certain physical symptoms of anxiety, such as shaking and rapid heartbeat.

    Counseling to improve self-esteem and social skills, as well as relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, may also help a person deal with social anxiety disorder.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2013
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I totally agree, it is not the cure. They don't know what it is and so they just blur out stuff in the hopes to help. I would give them information on the subject like a pamphlet or something...

    I have social phobias and generalized anxiety and so I totally understand how you feel...I try to force myself to socialize but when I had enough, I leave...people might feel offended but I'm a priority so...
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, they're telling you to do the thing that scares you the most in the first place, so they clearly aren't getting what you're going through. I would just ignore the unhelpful advice and do things that will make you feel better. Do things at your own pace and don't worry about what others think.
  6. Morgana

    Morgana Well-Known Member

    i've got social anxiety, too, and yeah, there's a big difference between encouraging someone to try and work at dealing with the anxiety and just being like "oh just talk to people!" i know i, for one, just freeze up and don't even know what to say or how to talk to people, so i'm just a deer in headlights, going "yeah but what am i supposed to say?" and it just turns into a disaster.
  7. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    I know all about this as I have social anxiety. People just don't understand. I had a therapist practically tell me to get off my ass and go talk to people and it'll get better. No offense to anyone who that has worked for, but I personally don't believe socializing more really helps with SA. Back before my SA wasn't too bad, and I wasn't isolating myself over it as I do now, I used to constantly talk to people. I had tons of friends/acquaintances that I was talking/hanging with every day, all day, and my SA still only got worse with time.
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