first of all i have ptsd. relationships really scare me and i have to stay away from them. getting too close to someone as a friend really scares me as well. well i have a great guy friend that i have know for about 4 years. i was pretty good at keeping it shallow for the most part, but this year we've been getting a lot closer. we talk every day. hes my best friend and i love him a lot, but lately, the longer we remain close like this, i had developed stronger feelings for him. since then for the past 4 months i have been trying to push him away every time i feel uncomfortable and freaked out. Ive told him whats going on, so he knows about my issue. but he says he couldn't stand to lose me. when i get freaked out i tell him that i cant talk to him anymore and i need him to leave me alone and i cant be his friend anymore. but he will be persistent and tell me that he needs me and that i can hurt him all i want and he will still be there for me. im fortunate to have a friend like him, and when im calm about it i will be ok for a few weeks up until we start getting closer again, then i freak out and try and sabotage the friendship again. i dont want to disappoint him or hurt him any more. i feel sooooo terrible when i do, and he doesn't deserve me doing this to him. i dont know what to do, and i dont know how to stop myself when this happens. is there anyone whose been through this before and can give me some advice?