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A little about myself: my husband committed suicide 9 months ago. I had termanated one pregnancy while we were separated two years ago. A second pregnancy I termanated the day after his funeral. I really wanted the first child, but he insisted I abort on threat of suicide when the father unkindly informed him of my condition. The second child, I was terrified, I concieved while using birth control irresponsibly. I didn't want the child, but I was determined to keep it and kept the pregnancy private. My husband took his life and I aborted in guilt. He was very mentally ill (paranoid skitzophrenic with capgras syndrome) and believed it was his only escape. We had both moved on at various points of our separation, but we loved each other and it was primarily the influence of our families that kept us apart, as well as our own poor choices-- but never for lack of love.
Since I started forcusing on my recovery from these tragic life choices, I have had a series of dreams, as follows:
My husband believed his suicide would bring him to a moon of Jupiter, Callisto, where he would be reunited with the "real me", an alien called a Lyran, with whom I was switched with before separating from our marriage (see: capgras syndrome). We built a cave home in life, and in his death/in my dreams, he has built a cave home for himself and my children on Callisto. My husband does not speak to me during my dream visits. He is ashamed and bashful and humble in silence. First, I dreamt of following him through a swampy alien forest, his injuries apparent.
Since that first dream, I focused on imagining him well, instead of wounded. And the next dream followed.
He brings me into a cave, he is very shy. I see a young man, he is very tall and happy. He excitedly tells me all about the cave and the turtles who live there. They are not like earth turtles, as they climb the cave walls and can move the plates on their shells to become spikes when they're afraid. It is very slippery and difficult to climb. The boy, who I believe my husband would have named Fred (a personal joke: he named every male Fred), tells me it's because of all the turtle poop. He says, in fact, the whole cave is made of dried up turtle poop. We laugh about this. When we finally exit this area, we make it to a kitchen. It is a mix of every kitchen my husband and I ever shared. I exclaim, "it's just like our kitchen!" And a girl responds, "well, almost, but not exactly..." I believe this is my second pregnancy. She is tiny and shy and I am not happy to see her. My husband would have named her Tina. I never thought much of her after my second abortion... There's a feeling of "oh, yeah, you...." And tension is high between us. I ask her, "how would YOU know?" And she silently indicates that my husband told her. I am annoyed that he speaks to her, but hasn't spoken to me.
In the meantime, my maid of honor tells me of a dream of running through swampy woods with strangers and finding a cave house and sitting with me in a bedroom inside it. She and my husband did not get along (no one got along...), But she apologized to him profusely at his funeral. (I took this as a sign that he has forgiven her and welcomed her back into our family?) I had not told her of my dreams, so it was moving.
The next time I visited them, I was feeling unwell spiritually. They were naked and waiting for me to go do something they were excited for. I immediately assumed the worst and accused them of wanting to go skinny dipping or something scandalous like that. I yelled at them and shamed them, I told my husband that I didn't care what the children did, but he needed to get dressed immediately. He seemed to expect this reaction, and was very sadly disappointed. No one spoke but the small young lady, Tina... She said "well fine, then!"
I have not dreamt of them since, though I cling to his urn and think of him every night. Instead, I had the dream which follows...
I am walking with my mother and nephew. This animal that looked like a mix of a gray, stripped, brindle pitbull and a spotted wildcat is stalking my baby nephew. I think now it may be a hyena. For some reason, I think dumping water on it will prevent it from attacking, and I do so to protect my nephew. At this moment I realize it is only a baby itself, and now it is sad. I feel horrible and carry it home. My mother does not want me to keep it in the house, so I bring it to the cave house on Callisto. I don't think anyone is home. I leave it on the doorstep. I am very sorry. Its a gift and I hope that it will guard the cave.
That is all... Please let me know your thoughts.
A little about myself: my husband committed suicide 9 months ago. I had termanated one pregnancy while we were separated two years ago. A second pregnancy I termanated the day after his funeral. I really wanted the first child, but he insisted I abort on threat of suicide when the father unkindly informed him of my condition. The second child, I was terrified, I concieved while using birth control irresponsibly. I didn't want the child, but I was determined to keep it and kept the pregnancy private. My husband took his life and I aborted in guilt. He was very mentally ill (paranoid skitzophrenic with capgras syndrome) and believed it was his only escape. We had both moved on at various points of our separation, but we loved each other and it was primarily the influence of our families that kept us apart, as well as our own poor choices-- but never for lack of love.
Since I started forcusing on my recovery from these tragic life choices, I have had a series of dreams, as follows:
My husband believed his suicide would bring him to a moon of Jupiter, Callisto, where he would be reunited with the "real me", an alien called a Lyran, with whom I was switched with before separating from our marriage (see: capgras syndrome). We built a cave home in life, and in his death/in my dreams, he has built a cave home for himself and my children on Callisto. My husband does not speak to me during my dream visits. He is ashamed and bashful and humble in silence. First, I dreamt of following him through a swampy alien forest, his injuries apparent.
Since that first dream, I focused on imagining him well, instead of wounded. And the next dream followed.
He brings me into a cave, he is very shy. I see a young man, he is very tall and happy. He excitedly tells me all about the cave and the turtles who live there. They are not like earth turtles, as they climb the cave walls and can move the plates on their shells to become spikes when they're afraid. It is very slippery and difficult to climb. The boy, who I believe my husband would have named Fred (a personal joke: he named every male Fred), tells me it's because of all the turtle poop. He says, in fact, the whole cave is made of dried up turtle poop. We laugh about this. When we finally exit this area, we make it to a kitchen. It is a mix of every kitchen my husband and I ever shared. I exclaim, "it's just like our kitchen!" And a girl responds, "well, almost, but not exactly..." I believe this is my second pregnancy. She is tiny and shy and I am not happy to see her. My husband would have named her Tina. I never thought much of her after my second abortion... There's a feeling of "oh, yeah, you...." And tension is high between us. I ask her, "how would YOU know?" And she silently indicates that my husband told her. I am annoyed that he speaks to her, but hasn't spoken to me.
In the meantime, my maid of honor tells me of a dream of running through swampy woods with strangers and finding a cave house and sitting with me in a bedroom inside it. She and my husband did not get along (no one got along...), But she apologized to him profusely at his funeral. (I took this as a sign that he has forgiven her and welcomed her back into our family?) I had not told her of my dreams, so it was moving.
The next time I visited them, I was feeling unwell spiritually. They were naked and waiting for me to go do something they were excited for. I immediately assumed the worst and accused them of wanting to go skinny dipping or something scandalous like that. I yelled at them and shamed them, I told my husband that I didn't care what the children did, but he needed to get dressed immediately. He seemed to expect this reaction, and was very sadly disappointed. No one spoke but the small young lady, Tina... She said "well fine, then!"
I have not dreamt of them since, though I cling to his urn and think of him every night. Instead, I had the dream which follows...
I am walking with my mother and nephew. This animal that looked like a mix of a gray, stripped, brindle pitbull and a spotted wildcat is stalking my baby nephew. I think now it may be a hyena. For some reason, I think dumping water on it will prevent it from attacking, and I do so to protect my nephew. At this moment I realize it is only a baby itself, and now it is sad. I feel horrible and carry it home. My mother does not want me to keep it in the house, so I bring it to the cave house on Callisto. I don't think anyone is home. I leave it on the doorstep. I am very sorry. Its a gift and I hope that it will guard the cave.
That is all... Please let me know your thoughts.
