In Jan/Feb 2004 I became pregnant, my mom went crazy as you would imagine as I was only 14. She asked me was I raped, I said no (in my mind i was thinking... not this time). She made me go up to northern ireland to arrange an abortion for the uk, due to the stress of everything I took a big overdose and soon after on April the 3rd I miscarried. I WANTED the baby, I did not want an abortion, my cousin was very cruel calling me all sorts of names...slut tramp etc.... I believe and always have that the overdose killed the baby but obviously I will never know and that kills me. I feel so guilty and ashamed. The babys father was much older than me about 20 (my fault there, I told him I was older than I was). He still does to this day not know I miscarried his baby nor have I any contact with him. He just used me for sex. I went out with a lot of guys purely because I wanted a baby. I got a reputation, a really bad one to this day some people still use it against me but wouldn't say it to my face,cowards. I HAD to get this off my chest, I just have to. It is eating me up. I feel guilty.