Empty..

[SmolderingIce]

I remember when my heart used to feel like it was exploding.. The long nights I stayed up thinking and crying.. It felt like I was experiencing every single negative emotion at once. All I could do was curl up in a ball and hope to fall asleep.

But now.. There is nothing. No feeling. No emotional pain, which is nice, but there's no good feelings either. I don't feel alive anymore. Someone can insult me, terribly, and I have no reaction. I can ride a roller coaster; no fun. I can win a soccer game rivalry, I can get an award for music, I can get good grades... And I feel no sense of accomplishment.

I feel like.. There's nothing here anymore. Life is just something that I do.. Everything seems so pointless. I don't even feel like listening to music anymore, most of the time.. I can't even cry..

Is this what life is really supposed to be..?

 

[total eclipse]

sounds like your in a deep depression hun where there is no emotion no feeling
I hope you can reach out to your doctor and get some help for you so you can feel again and enjoy life again h ugs

 

[SmolderingIce]

I'm sick of pills.. Sick of appointments and trying to get better..
I'm tired of trying..

 

[Harlow's_Monkey]

Your life will be more. I know it's the same old words of advice and comfort, but it is true, although I find it hard to believe myself. I just look at people who have been depressed, but have worked through it and are happy with their lives now. It may feel like it will never happen, but this is not all your life will be. You won't be depressed forever.

Also, I completely agree with the comment in your signature. Try to take comfort in that - you've included yourself as part of the group of "kind" people. Being kind is a fantastic quality, and while it may feel like your kindness is not appreciated, at least you can feel satisifed knowing you try to be a good person.

 

[Growing Pains]

I know you might not feel like reaching out for help, might not feel like trying... but I think it's always worth trying. Harlow's_Monkey is right. Your life will be more. And I, too, agree with the comment in your signature. For I think we're definitely a very kind group of people here.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. :hug:

 

[SmolderingIce]

Thank you all for the support.. It means so much to me.
Warmer weather is on it's way.. I'm hoping that will help lift my spirits more..