hmph. I've been thinking (usually not a great idea). I have noticed that when people offer virtual hugs, they wrap them in a lil disclaimer, e.g., "if you want them."
I have interpreted this as respecting of others' space, but since the hugs are VIRTUAL, there is no physical space on which to incur.... or is there? I do not want to upset someone unnecessarily, but I am a huggy type of person. I'm on the entire other side of the internet from you, so it's not like I'm going to threaten your space.
So I thought to ask the question. Is anyone really offended if I send hugs, whether you want them or not!!!! MUAHAHAHA.! It's the sentiment that counts, IMHO. I do totally understand that some folks have a space bubble that they wish to maintain, such that nobody encroaches on a certain distance from where they are. I used to be one of them, in fact I would stay out of reach from people. My reasoning was that, "If you can't reach me, then you can't hurt me." Therefore, if I just stay away from everyone, nobody can hurt me, therefore I don't have to hurt anymore.
Not so simple, though. My body also needs contact with other humans. Like a vitamin. I think this is also a personality trait that we are going to express and it would be really difficult to change. This implies that people are going to be all over the continuum from "don't you ever touch me!" to "group hug all the time!" Much to my dismay, I am definitely fond of physical contact, but only with safe people. My nervous system figures it out for me. It's not a judgement on my part, but if my touch receptors don't like you, then no hugs for you! Come back in one year!!!
Thing is that in the one time I overrode my nervous system, thinking that it had just made a poor judgment, it turned out to be MY poor judgement. The person I thought had deserved my loyalty and devotion turned out to be a predator who was using me for financial gain, and once I had no more resources to extract, I was thrown away. Not unlike a spider sucking the guts out of its prey and then leaving the hollow shell still trapped in the web. So based on this, I'm trusting my gut more - it's got a better track record after all! I have had a similar feeling from other people, but they were strangers to me at the time and I just didn't pursue contact because of that feeling. I have no idea what percentage of valid judgments my system has made, but that doesn't matter. I'm not denying someone an opportunity just because they give me the willies; I'm simply allocating my social energy elsewhere.
This is all to say I do understand the feeling of being encroached upon, and for the love of whatever good there is in this dark world - I don't want anyone to ever feel that way because of me. On the other side of the coin, most people are just fine. I am not talking about being safe to share intimate secrets with or be vulnerable necessarily, but a hug is a hug and needn't have any prerequisites. So, yeah for the most part I'm a hugging hugger who likes to give hugs, but in the realm of cyberspace - I'm not going to ask permission first. Because you can reject my hugz anyway. They are offered, not forced. Does that make me a jerk?
I'm nearly certain I am waaaaaay overthinking this and I should go to bed. My weird-ass brain. I'm sorry y'all have to put up with my cogitations.
I have interpreted this as respecting of others' space, but since the hugs are VIRTUAL, there is no physical space on which to incur.... or is there? I do not want to upset someone unnecessarily, but I am a huggy type of person. I'm on the entire other side of the internet from you, so it's not like I'm going to threaten your space.
So I thought to ask the question. Is anyone really offended if I send hugs, whether you want them or not!!!! MUAHAHAHA.! It's the sentiment that counts, IMHO. I do totally understand that some folks have a space bubble that they wish to maintain, such that nobody encroaches on a certain distance from where they are. I used to be one of them, in fact I would stay out of reach from people. My reasoning was that, "If you can't reach me, then you can't hurt me." Therefore, if I just stay away from everyone, nobody can hurt me, therefore I don't have to hurt anymore.
Not so simple, though. My body also needs contact with other humans. Like a vitamin. I think this is also a personality trait that we are going to express and it would be really difficult to change. This implies that people are going to be all over the continuum from "don't you ever touch me!" to "group hug all the time!" Much to my dismay, I am definitely fond of physical contact, but only with safe people. My nervous system figures it out for me. It's not a judgement on my part, but if my touch receptors don't like you, then no hugs for you! Come back in one year!!!
Thing is that in the one time I overrode my nervous system, thinking that it had just made a poor judgment, it turned out to be MY poor judgement. The person I thought had deserved my loyalty and devotion turned out to be a predator who was using me for financial gain, and once I had no more resources to extract, I was thrown away. Not unlike a spider sucking the guts out of its prey and then leaving the hollow shell still trapped in the web. So based on this, I'm trusting my gut more - it's got a better track record after all! I have had a similar feeling from other people, but they were strangers to me at the time and I just didn't pursue contact because of that feeling. I have no idea what percentage of valid judgments my system has made, but that doesn't matter. I'm not denying someone an opportunity just because they give me the willies; I'm simply allocating my social energy elsewhere.
This is all to say I do understand the feeling of being encroached upon, and for the love of whatever good there is in this dark world - I don't want anyone to ever feel that way because of me. On the other side of the coin, most people are just fine. I am not talking about being safe to share intimate secrets with or be vulnerable necessarily, but a hug is a hug and needn't have any prerequisites. So, yeah for the most part I'm a hugging hugger who likes to give hugs, but in the realm of cyberspace - I'm not going to ask permission first. Because you can reject my hugz anyway. They are offered, not forced. Does that make me a jerk?
I'm nearly certain I am waaaaaay overthinking this and I should go to bed. My weird-ass brain. I'm sorry y'all have to put up with my cogitations.
