Every day is a nightmare

[ThanosIsKing]

Lately I've been waking up each day crying because I cannot find a way to have any sort of personal life. I've convinced myself that the only way to truly be happy is to have my own family but I've waited way too long and I just don't see it happening.

This is is a big college town with 2 major colleges and not much else. My anxiety gets so bad that I flame out of every full-time job I've ever had but I work too many hours to even be considered for disability. I can barely make rent and I have zero savings so I can't even consider moving to another place. I'm stuck in purgatory and don't know how to leave.

What also gets me into a depression is the fact that absolutely ZERO of the people I might call "friend" (even that's generous) are never available to come over to my apartment. All these "friends" want me to go over to their place, or to meet at a store where they expect me to spend money I just don't have, or go to a convention that again I CANNOT AFFORD. I try to talk to folks from Reddit or on Facebook dating but nobody ever messages me back. I feel completely alone no matter what I do. I KNOW that if things don't change fast I'm gonna hurt myself. I'd rather be sent back to the hospital rather than live through purgatory.

 

[Oizys Moros]

I hope that this depressive season passes by soon for you.

It can be very disheartening when your reality is that you are alone.

RE: friendship/companionship
It sounds like you want in person interactions. So maybe set attainable expectations or standards. Such as $10-$15 budget dates. Make it known that you all can alternate on who’s paying with that budget in mind and don’t deviate from it.

Maybe have a movie/dinner/book night with simple snack items within a budget, and again alternate on whose place.

If you’re just wanting the association with someone, then try to remove the desire for in person meetings and find someone or two that you can socialize with regularly and exclusively online. An accountability partner surrounding a tv series or book. Or just how your day/week has gone.

RE: Work
Maybe not disclose disability during application/interview process but once hired you can disclose and should be protected by discriminatory laws. And if eligible apply for intermittent FMLA where you can adjust your schedule within the 12 week per year timeframe and take mental health days sporadically without fear of termination.

If your skills can be work from home, search those types of opportunities.

These are just suggestive measures in brainstorming. Not to say that you haven’t tried or thought about them.

I wish you the best of luck figuring out what works best for you.

 

[ThanosIsKing]

I hope that this depressive season passes by soon for you.

It can be very disheartening when your reality is that you are alone.

RE: friendship/companionship
It sounds like you want in person interactions. So maybe set attainable expectations or standards. Such as $10-$15 budget dates. Make it known that you all can alternate on who’s paying with that budget in mind and don’t deviate from it.

Maybe have a movie/dinner/book night with simple snack items within a budget, and again alternate on whose place.

If you’re just wanting the association with someone, then try to remove the desire for in person meetings and find someone or two that you can socialize with regularly and exclusively online. An accountability partner surrounding a tv series or book. Or just how your day/week has gone.

I've been trying that via Reddit but nobody wants to have a constant social communication. I get maybe one or two sentences sent before I get completely ghosted. I also have an issue with nobody, and I mean NOBODY wanting to come over to my place for anything. New acquaintances, old "friends" nobody. It actually pisses me off because it makes me feel like a failure if I can't get anyone to come over. I wish I had more people to talk to but I guess I'm just not interesting enough to hold peoples' attention.

RE: Work
Maybe not disclose disability during application/interview process but once hired you can disclose and should be protected by discriminatory laws. And if eligible apply for intermittent FMLA where you can adjust your schedule within the 12 week per year timeframe and take mental health days sporadically without fear of termination.

If your skills can be work from home, search those types of opportunities.

These are just suggestive measures in brainstorming. Not to say that you haven’t tried or thought about them.

I wish you the best of luck figuring out what works best for you.

On the job front the issue has been getting in for an interview in the first place. A lot of "job" postings around here I've found are really ghost jobs: job postings put out not to hire somebody but to either 1) test the job market before a current employee decides to move on or 2) to make current employees scared of being replaced. I've applied to literally hundreds of jobs and gotten a grand total of ONE interview. And the questions they asked told me that I was never going to be hired in the first place. There is a pharmacy located inside of the grocery store that I currently work at but when I asked about my application on Monday they said that they are "theoretically" still hiring. This told me that they are not really hiring and that they can "theoretically" kiss my ass. I wish that ghost job postings were illegal. What the hell is the point!? Maybe I should go on disability. It would make everything easier.

 

[Oizys Moros]

This community is here for you. Although it may not be the same as what you may be seeking. We care and we are as responsive as our mood permits.

If you’d like to create a “check in” thread for a specific topic or random thoughts, many here will respond…….. as such …. In an effort to have sporadic consistency with someone (me 🫣🥴).

We may all go through periods where we don’t log on regularly but we are supportive of one another.

Let us support you through your journey, virtually.