Every time I eat, I feel tremendous guilt and self-hate

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by maths, Feb 1, 2012.

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  1. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    Lately I can't eat anything without feeling like a glutton. I try to eat as little as possible and it's now getting to the point where I try not to eat in front of people, try to avoid going out for food with people, drinking, etc, because I'm so worried about eating too much. When I do have to do these things, I end up trying to vomit all up, or at least as much as I can.

    This is all relatively recent. I was broken up with over the summer and had no appetite for quite some time and consequently lost a lot of weight. I loved seeing my bones. I put a lot of the weight back on after I started eating more regularly, and ever since then I've been disgusted with myself. I know I'm by no means technically fat but yet, I just can't help but think I should lose more, I want to feel those bones.

    This can be especially problematic because I am often expected to go to conferences and such for my work, where one is constantly having to eat out so I end up constantly stressed about what to eat, how to avoid eating, how to make it look like I'm not avoiding eating, etc.

    And I hate myself so much for this, because I am the first ragey feminist to say just how stupid it is that women should be expected to be skinny. And yet. Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite.

    I'm sure this is making me more unhappy, less productive at work, and consequently makes me hate myself more and want to eat less or chastise myself for eating at all. It's a vicious circle; I don't know what to do. I have a friend coming to visit on the weekend and I'm terrified of what he might think.

    maths.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go to your doctor and get councilling talk to someone a dietitian someone who can help you feel more comfortable with who you are okay please get some help
     
  3. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    Once again, once again. Eat too much, barf, feel like a pig anyway. How I hate hate hate myself.
     
  4. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    Too fat to leave the house. Ew, I am so disgusting.
     
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