Yeah, it was probably my 30th attempt yesterday, you'd think by now I'd have succeeded. Please don't tell me this means I don't really want to die, the reason why half my attempts haven't succeeded is because I spend part the week in psych hospital and they always find me in time, and when I'm at home I'm watched like a hawk. They worked out I'd od'd at my special needs school yesterday. I'm sick and headachey and I've just about stopped throwing up. I spend the day in a ward and then went back up to my psych ward for an assessment and they said I could stay on leave (I knew what to say) till Sunday as usual as long as they ring me everyday.
This world is a nightmare, there's nothing worth living for. It's awful. My doctor told me I'm never going to get out of psychiatric hospitals. I'm so tired of it all, tired of trying, tired of never fucking dying. So tired. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to make anything better except cutting and I don't want another trip to a&e. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make this better but I've been betrayed by all my friends now, I guess I'm just a bad person, everyone ends up hating me and If eel so alone so I thought I'd post, just incase, you know.
This world is a nightmare, there's nothing worth living for. It's awful. My doctor told me I'm never going to get out of psychiatric hospitals. I'm so tired of it all, tired of trying, tired of never fucking dying. So tired. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to make anything better except cutting and I don't want another trip to a&e. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make this better but I've been betrayed by all my friends now, I guess I'm just a bad person, everyone ends up hating me and If eel so alone so I thought I'd post, just incase, you know.
