failure for not reaching milestones

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Oceans, Jun 15, 2013.

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  1. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    I feel that depression has taken my life. Everyone my age has a career and a partner and starting a family. I feel left behind. Does anyone feel they haven't reach all the milestones that others have? How does one cope with that? with the failure of it all.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    By spending a lot less time worrying about what others are doing and watching them and more time spent on paying yourself attention in a positive way and trying to do things that would make you happy. When you are depressed it really does not matter if you had a job, career, family, or anything else- you would still be depressed. This forum is covered with depressed people with all of those things. Until your focus is on yourself and what you can do instead of on milestones and status marks it will be very hard to shake the depression and the depression will take any satisfaction any of those things could bring anyway....
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I just remember that i can make my life whatever I want it to be, and don't have to be exactly like everyone else. Just because you haven't accomplished certain milestones doesn't mean there's a set time you should do it. It can be hard to not compare yourself to others when it's considered the "norm", but you have to find what you enjoy in life and do that.
  4. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Oceans, I feel exactly the same. This is one of the things that hurts me every day. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not ready for those things, and sometimes I wonder if I just wasn't ready to grow up yet, if maybe I'm still clinging to something because I haven't experienced fully yet. Other days I want it so much.

    You're not alone in this. I know it's an awful feeling, watching everyone around you get these things in life. The only way to cope is to stop comparing yourself to other people, and to focus on getting yourself better so you can try for these things. Easier said than done.
  5. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi Oceans! I think the hardest part of life is finding what I want. There are very few timelines for when certain things must happen - as long as we're alive and engaged in life we can do most everything we choose to do.

    It probably sounds a little corny but make a list. Not because friends, family, whomever wants something but rather because YOU do. It's also a good idea to realize that even though others may look like they've got it all and are happy, the reality is there are probably things they wish they had not done, others they think they'll never be able to do and still, with all their seeming success and happiness, they are inwardly miserable but unable to share that because the facade is so important to them.

    This illness is hard and many days it can drain your life spirit away. Even if you think it sounds selfish, for now, focus on you and what you want/why you want it. Then take small steps to get what you want and need. Be kind to yourself. The failure isn't in not achieving things yet. You've only failed if you never try (and if you live to 100 that gives you all kinds of time to try!) ♥
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Oceans, I understand the feeling that others are racing on with their lives...and sometimes I feel stuck or held back. Life isn't a race or a set of things that must/need to be done...especially not in comparison with others and their position in the journey.

    Depression can be like driving along a nice road until we hit the road construction...noisy, dusty, and finally we get through it, and it's an easier drive again. It was just a delay, not a catastrophe.

    I hope you can figure out where you are in your own journey and where you'd like to go. If you set some small goals to start, they could get help get you going again. :hug:
  7. stuck_in_limbo

    stuck_in_limbo Active Member

    I feel very much like that, Oceans, especially with my 43rd birthday right around the corner. I can only speak for myself, as it seems this is what I have chosen -- the safe but unproductive path. I've had my moments, but could never sustain them enough to something meaningful for myself. If I really wanted to get out of this comfortable numbness, I would have by now taken action and courage (which is just being afraid but doing something anyway.) It's scary to think that if I don't change, I'll be like this the rest of my life. I don't think I can live with that, and maybe I won't live with that soon enough...
  8. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for sharing your experiences, thoughts, and advice. It has given me food for thought and to know that others deal with these feelings also. I'm sure I will re-read them again when these feelings re-surface. Thanks again for the support.
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