Falling in love with the wrong person

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Suff310, Sep 18, 2016.

  1. Suff310

    Suff310 Member

    I've been in love with my best friend for 2 years now. I've known her for 3 years now and she recently stopped talking to me. What I felt for her was forbidden love though because she was taken the day that we became friends. I was really attracted to her from the get go so I always had a crush on her before we got close. But over time my feelings for her developed into something more and her good looks didn't even matter to me anymore. We talked every day for 2 two years and she worked the grave yard shift at a hospice hospital so I always kept her company. This girl was truly a special woman because she was so motivational and inspiring. I actually looked up to her because of everything that she has been through and now loves life. She helped me so much with my self esteem and made me feel good about myself. Despite the fact that I met her online I actually felt like we were real friends and it made me so happy.

    She is an artist so she loves to draw and take photographs as well as make things so she was really talented. I eventually motivated her to turn her hobby into something that can later be a career and she started to take requests for others. I loved everything about her, she was perfect and I was in love. But it sucked that she was in love with someone else and she never led me on or anything of that nature, but our bond was special that I truly felt like I had a chance with her if she was single because of how close we got. She told me that she had a special place in her heart and cherished our friendship.

    However, the beginning of this year she started to become more distant and I became more depressed. She would only talk to me every other day and told me that she didn't have time to talk to me anymore and that she had to pay more attention to her goals in life. So I was understanding and we still talked every other day until I became more depressed and made it harder for her to deal with me. We talked about finally meeting in real life and that it would happen eventually. But now I doubt I will ever get the chance to meet her.

    A few months ago I finally told her that I fell deeply in love with her and she stopped talking to me. She told me that she was going to send me a letter but never did. And now I honestly feel like she was using me this whole time because I would always buy her things for her Birthday. I even overpaid her for a drawing last year that she never sent to me... She would always come up with excuses that she didn't have a box or that she would send it next week that I just stopped asking her. I just feel used because I've been so suicidal lately that she doesn't even care about it and stopped replying to me...

    Her Birthday is actually in a couple of days and I told her that I was sorry for not getting her anything this year but that my gift to her would be that I will officially be out of her life after I sent her that text and that she won't ever have to worry about me bothering her anymore. Surely she never replied...

    It makes it so hard to get over her because I never met her in person so all of those questions will never be answered. Like how it would have been to see her in person. I think about her every second of the day and I can't deal with this pain anymore of being so heart broken. I've never dealt with a pain this bad before that's so consistently horrible. I honestly do not believe that I will ever love another girl again like how I did with her. I gave her my heart and was a really really good friend to her and she was the world to me.