Fear of people judging my "past" or lack of achievements

[Fbr27]

@Fbr27 Do not misunderstand me - I had all this. Money, vacation, girls, a career in diplomatic service, I saw and worked in many countries, lived everywhere, speak several languages - but in the end: What is the balance of your life - when you get old? Then you start to think differently and you realize that things which seemed to be so important before, have been a waste of time, money and effort. But I know that each generation has to make its own experiences. The only difference is - for hundreds and thousands of years all remained the same. We live in a time where change is so visible that I cannot make any longer the relation between my childhood and the world we are living in now (which will go down anyway). At least, this is what I understand now. I had the best times - sorry for my kids, really.

So, what is important for you?

I get it that those things: money, career, girls, aren't that important, but still it gets you down when you don't have these things.

I understand that I live in pretty bad times. But still, it isn't fair that I don't get bare minimum to have a normal life: a job, a girl, some friends, a healthy mind.

I know that some people are way sadder and have more miserable lifes than mine. Even in this forum. But at least they had a chance to fight and have a life.

I'm really not that strong to fight, to try to do something for my life. Maybe I'm a good person who deserves best, but that doesn't make anyone get what they deserve.

 

[Survivorist]

Let me answer this shortly: Love with 18, 30, 45 and 60 is completely different. For the jobs and all the rest - this is not important. What is important is, that when you work in different places all 2 or 3 years you are never able to have real friends or stable relations. This is impossible and in the end you find yourself pretty lonely. I have my life, I have my money to survive well.... but then? The kids I raised (4 of them) have no real relation to me - because I was always abroad to earn their schooling, vacations, education, university... What do you expect if you come home two or three times a year? The best visitor is like a fresh fish - it starts to stink after a while. But I do not complain - my life was at least interesting, And I have friends, What bothers me a lot is the world situation we are in - and I think people do not even feel what is really going on. We play everything is as always - and its the opposite: But I guess, we all will see this very shortly. I am happy to be old now - and I know that I made something out of my life, although I come from a youth with drug abuse and jail and other problems.
Have a nice evening.

 

[Fbr27]

And my fear of people discovering about my past life isn't because I did something wrong or evil.


I never used drugs, never had any addiction, never beat someone, never cheated someone, never robbed.

My embarassment is about what I didn't do, not about what I did.

 

[Fbr27]

And I don't want to bother you, but what do you mean by "world situation"?

I'm way more pessimistic about myself than about the world.