Feel Like I Don't Belong in this World

[BitterandNumb]

I really do seem to have crippling social and mental issues. Whenever I am in a public place, surrounded by people, I find myself overcome with feelings of anxiety and shame. Whenever I speak out loud in front of others, I can't shake the sense that I've said too much, or said the wrong thing, or somehow made a fool of myself. I shrink away and just want to escape back into the isolation of my room, my sole sanctuary from the harsh pressure of human interaction. I have trust issues too, I just don't feel safe letting anyone else know what's going on inside my head, out of fear that they will judge me and it will only make things worse. It's no wonder I have no friends anymore...

 

[Frances M]

I just wanted to say that I know what you're going through. When I was younger, I felt the pressures of society telling me I needed to have friends, be social, be part of society etc...I was always scared out of my mind in a group setting and had to escape with alcohol to feel slightly comfortable. I always felt awkward and embarrassed about anything I said. I suppose I kind of gave up at one point in my 30's. Though I didn't hide in a room, I hid in my home. I did what I had to do to pay the bills, stock my fridge and take care of my pets, but otherwise, decided I wanted nothing more to do with people. Human interaction is fine for me if it's anonymous and safe, like on this forum, but otherwise, humanity has let me down too much and I prefer to be alone. I do have a bf but that isn't lasting and I will ultimately be a single hermit woman again by next summer. I have pets to care for, that's all I need. I'm not promoting the hermit life because it's not for everyone, but I feel like most people think they NEED society for happiness and fulfillment. I was given advice for years to be more social, to get out more etc...but it wasn't what helped me. I love my private, quite life of solitude and I don't feel there is any need to change that for the sake of norms. Besides the problems I'm currently going through, overall, I've filled my life with hobbies, interests and nature and I don't need much more.

On the other hand if you need friends, family, relationships and society to feel fulfilled, then don't listen to me!

 

[Petal]

I can relate, so much that it's sad I have problems talking to people at times for all the same reasons you have listed. I'd suggest getting into therapy with someone you can trust and see what happens from there on. Therapists have heard it all even though everyone is unique. I sttutter words out, feel shame, it's flipping horrible but please bear in mind this is social anxiety and you can fight it and beat it, there IS hope. Are you taking medication for your illness? Seeing a therapist? I'd suggest both.
I hope things improve for you, keep talking to us, we do care.

 

[ghostangelcake7]

Hello BitterandNumb, I relate about friendlessness and the insecurity about doing or saying anything, because I always am critiquing myself, and end up making myself look worse. I don't know why I had to be born human..I definitely don't fit in with this 'race'..of humanity. I am definitely more observant than participant. I just don't have the self esteem to do much about it. I wish you well.

 

[The carnival is over]

Everything you blokes have said is how i feel. I hate how im the different one. Because i think differently then the other sheep out there.

 

[Frances M]

Everything you blokes have said is how i feel. I hate how im the different one. Because i think differently then the other sheep out there.

I think it's good not to be a sheep who follows the herd so to speak. It took me a while, but I like being the odd one out, I feel more comfortable in my own skin and when I accepted it, I learned to love it.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I love my private, quite life of solitude and I don't feel there is any need to change that for the sake of norms.

I, too, love my private life. I leave or work and get all tied up in knots. Even church is doing that to me these days. I only truly relax at home, alone. And you know, there is nothing wrong with that. Some of us are introverts. I am one of them.

 

[suzi]

While riding the bus today and listening to people, I think I may have finally decided that I just don't like people. They are so ugly and unkind to each other. I love them passionately at times, but I don't think I like them anymore at all. We all have issues out the wazoo.

I can't interact without being labeled odd or eccentric. I don't think I am socially appropriate. And I don't know exactly what I'm doing, but my personality makes a lot of folks angry. I'm okay with my uniqueness, but other folks don't like it and can get angry and mean. So it's not enjoyable for me to interact with others. I'm not sure my new kitten even likes me. I think people want me to shut up. They want the crazy b---- to shut up.

 

[TonyHill]

What if,you are right and everyones else is wrong?.What if the problem its not you,but everyone else?.What if we are the only persons who can see things how they really are?.We got so use to say stuff like:You need to socialice with people,you are your worst enemy,dont blame this on others,bla bla bla.The fact that they are the amayority,dosent mean they right.Remember that,its not your fault,people just dont get it.

 

[Frances M]

I agree with everything above, and I also dislike people. Every time I go out, there is an incident of rudeness, and I only go out a few times a month to fill the fridge. I went to the vet the other day to get some dog food and the woman I'd spoke to in the morning forgot to set my bag aside and someone else bought it. The receptionist felt really bad and I insisted on talking to the lady "Annie". She actually had the nerve to claim I NEVER called her even though I could prove it on my phone log!!! When I spoke to the manager to complain, he said maybe I called another vet...omg I've been buying my dog food there for 2 years...it's gotten to a point where it's not even worth the effort to stand up for yourself and complain when you're mistreated. This type of thing happens all the time and it's sort of defeated me in the past; but now I've just plain given up on humanity.

But I've gotten to a place where I don't mind at all. I used to, but now I don't care. And it's more than not caring, it's not caring without bitterness. I've accepted that I prefer to be alone. I found what makes my spirit at peace and it's solitude in nature with my pets. People are too much drama and too much of a bother for my taste. When I was growing up, I was told that "people are by nature, good". Maybe they used to be, but not the ones I have to interact with.

 

[TonyHill]

I agree with everything above, and I also dislike people. Every time I go out, there is an incident of rudeness, and I only go out a few times a month to fill the fridge. I went to the vet the other day to get some dog food and the woman I'd spoke to in the morning forgot to set my bag aside and someone else bought it. The receptionist felt really bad and I insisted on talking to the lady "Annie". She actually had the nerve to claim I NEVER called her even though I could prove it on my phone log!!! When I spoke to the manager to complain, he said maybe I called another vet...omg I've been buying my dog food there for 2 years...it's gotten to a point where it's not even worth the effort to stand up for yourself and complain when you're mistreated. This type of thing happens all the time and it's sort of defeated me in the past; but now I've just plain given up on humanity.

But I've gotten to a place where I don't mind at all. I used to, but now I don't care. And it's more than not caring, it's not caring without bitterness. I've accepted that I prefer to be alone. I found what makes my spirit at peace and it's solitude in nature with my pets. People are too much drama and too much of a bother for my taste. When I was growing up, I was told that "people are by nature, good". Maybe they used to be, but not the ones I have to interact with.

I love that you reach the point of not giving a shit,cause thats great,you are the only one that matters,you and who ever YOU want to care about.So I admire where you are right now.

 

[Frances M]

I love that you reach the point of not giving a shit,cause thats great,you are the only one that matters,you and who ever YOU want to care about.So I admire where you are right now.

Thanks Tony,

I think it's the only way I can survive, to expect the worst in people so I don't care when it actually, inevitably happens. I used to do this visualization, whenever someone treated me badly, I imagined one of my dogs holding the leash of that person and the person was just being an angry, confused, untrained animal. My dog would correct the person and say "noooooooo." Lol...it made me laugh and try not to take things so personally.

 

[TonyHill]

Hahaha,Planet of the apes style haha.I like it haha

 

[TonyHill]

Yeah.I mean,people these days are REALLY touchie,and you cant say anything anymore cause they would get angry for nothing.