Feel like im torturing myself

[sadhart]

I am currently trying to open up to my therapist about past hurts wrongs and rejections. It's not just talking about my hurt feelings, but also the wrongs I did to may be deserve getting hurt. But it has been hard and I just feel like I sound like a nonsensical idiot for sharing this stuff. Ultimately, I don't even know if it's helping, but it just feels like something I have to do.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

 

[Inastorm]

I think as long as you stay true to yourself, it doesnt really matter if they think you sound a particular way.

If your therapist doesn't understand something you have said, it's up to them to ask you for clarity. It sounds like you have been carrying this stuff around for a long time.

 

[may71]

But it has been hard and I just feel like I sound like a nonsensical idiot for sharing this stuff.

My impression is that you may have been conditioned from negative experiences to doubt the validity of what you have to say. Your thoughts and feelings are valid, and you have a right to express them to others, regardless of what kind of response they may have.

Like @Inastorm said, it's the therapists job to ask question to clarify points if they don't understand something.

I think it's really good that you're talking to your therapist

 

[SFanon9631]

I didn't have any luck with a therapist. I know the feelings you're having. I don't want to end it all, as that would only bring more pain to others than I've already caused. So I just work, watch TV, read, or stare at the wall wishing for death till I fall asleep the rest of the time.

 

[sadhart]

I didn't have any luck with a therapist. I know the feelings you're having. I don't want to end it all, as that would only bring more pain to others than I've already caused. So I just work, watch TV, read, or stare at the wall wishing for death till I fall asleep the rest of the time.

I'm sorry that you're struggling like that. I suppose I think about dying in my sleep. It kind of scares me though. I would like to think our lives can be worth something more, but it often feels like wishful thinking.

 

[Lane]

I am currently trying to open up to my therapist about past hurts wrongs and rejections. It's not just talking about my hurt feelings, but also the wrongs I did to may be deserve getting hurt. But it has been hard and I just feel like I sound like a nonsensical idiot for sharing this stuff. Ultimately, I don't even know if it's helping, but it just feels like something I have to do.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

I totally get this sadhart. For many years I felt that because of my poor choices that effected my children was the reason for my guilt, them hating me or acting out.

You aren't an idiot for sharing this at all. It makes sense, to me at least. I did bring it up to a therapist in an outpatient hospital facility and she gave me a real cassette tape and said to go home and smash it. Because I was holding on to guilt.

I know this is part of my story and you have yours, but I don't want you to suffer unnecessarily. I hope that your therapist will be able to guide you through your feelings. You have us here too.

 

[Survivorist]

Sadhart,

if nothing else helps any longer (like for me) the hardest thing I did was this one:

It's tough as hell, takes some days - but it changes you forever. You have to do it twice. What it does, is a re-set of your brain (not only addiction and carving - many mental health issues - except real clinical ones like schizophrenia...). Check it out if it interests you. I did it twice - and it changed me forever. It does not mean, that I did not have periods, where I fell on my face - but it changed my life in a way, that I was able to see everything, especially the past, different. Its like a father talking to you - strict.

 

[seabird]

@sadhart I don't know if it'll help to say this, but I hope it does. It took me a long time until this sunk in to my mind enough to change things a bit. A wise & kind person who listen to my whole story told me that there was no longer a reason to torture or berate myself. That I'd done for years and enough was enough. He told me to start to go forward not without the memories bc that's not possible, but without the sense of the pain and sorrow belonging 'in my daypack.'