FEEL your THOUGHTS

[Lara_C]

The following illustrates and explains the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy, confirmed as one of the most effective therapies for depression and anxiety. (Condensed from The Minute Therapist blog https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-minute-therapist)

Feeling your thoughts - An exercise.

In the next 60 seconds, try to make yourself feel really angry while keeping your mind completely blank.

Were you able to do it? To feel real anger? If so, were you able to hold the anger for more than a passing moment?

Something was missing from this exercise—the thoughts or cognitions that give substance to the emotion of anger. You have to be angry about something to feel genuine anger. Having something to be angry about means you have accompanying thoughts about someone or something (the object of your anger) that provoked you or treated you badly. Without these connecting thoughts as bridges, emotions cannot stand on their own.

True, some sense memory of anger can be brought to awareness by recreating the physical attributes of anger. You can try to induce anger by clenching your jaw or feel anxiety by shaking your hands and arms to induce a trembling state. It's doubtful, however, that you could hold a feeling for very long without connecting it to a particular thought or mental image.

Without an angering or anxious thought, all you’re left with are the sensations that accompany jaw clenching and hand trembling, not the true emotions. Likewise, you can try to induce positive emotions by forcing a smile, but alas, the feeling seems, well, forced.

Try again, but this time make yourself feel angry by letting your mind focus on any thought, mental image, or memory of someone or something that summons feelings of anger. Hold the image in mind and feel the anger for a few seconds.

While not everyone can vividly recreate an emotion using imagination alone, most readers will be able to experience some degree of anger by holding an angering thought or image in mind. The more vivid the angering thought or image, the stronger the anger is likely to be. What you may discover in this little exercise is that emotions follow thoughts. You can’t be angry, fearful, or joyful in a thought vacuum.

 

[Lara_C]

Changes happens in the “now,” not in the indefinite future

The belief that deep insights into the psyche are needed for change—keeps us from making changes NOW that can have profound effects on our lives Got a minute? Change a thought. Got another minute? Change another thought. Before long, the changes begin adding up.

Events in themselves do not cause us to feel any emotion. Our beliefs, attitudes, and judgments color the events we experience. Scratch the surface of an emotion and you’ll find an underlying thought, perception, or judgment. Our emotions are caused by our thinking selves, not by events themselves.

The next time you feel angry, sad, or anxious, take stock of what you were thinking before you became aware of how you were feeling.Take a minute to reflect upon the day’s events. Ask yourself the following questions:

What happened today that upset me?
What was I thinking or saying to myself that made me so upset?
This mental exercise accomplishes two things. First, it helps you connect your feelings to the day’s events:
Did someone say something nasty to you that led you to feel angry?
Did something you were hoping would happen didn’t pan out?
Did something negative and unexpected happen?
How did you feel as a result of what happened or didn't happen?
Second, it helps you see how your thoughts drive your emotions:
What thought triggers made me feel the way I did?
What was I saying under my breath about these events that led me to feel this way?

 

[Lara_C]

What are your thought triggers?

We are often more aware of what we are feeling than the thoughts that underlie these feelings. Thoughts and mental images are fleeting and ever-changing. Trying to capture one is like catching a moving target that always seems to be one step beyond our reach. Ask yourself what you were thinking about a minute ago and you may draw a blank, but behind every disturbing emotional state lurks a triggering negative thought.

Depressing thoughts involve looking backwards to past disappointments and failures. The depressed person is mired in a past filled with self-recriminations and negative self-labels . The depressed person also looks ahead to the future, but sees in it a mirror of the past, expecting ever more failures and disappointments.

Underlying theme: Negative perceptions of oneself, of the world at large, and of the future

Thought Triggers:

• I’m just a screw-up.
• Nothing ever works out for me and it never will.
• What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be like other people?
• The world sucks and I suck along with it.
• Nobody ever wanted me.
• Why are these things always happening to me

 

[Lara_C]

The bottom line.

Whenever you catch a negative thought entering your mental space, grab hold of it. Don’t let it just bounce around in your mind unattended. Take 60 seconds to nab an emotionally offending thought and counter it with a rational alternative thought. Here are a few examples of rational self-statements used to counter negative thoughts:

• “What’s done is done. Time to get on with things.”
• “Where’s the evidence I deserve to feel rotten in life?”
• “Okay, so the worst happens. If it happens, it happens. I’ll deal with it then.”
• “Don’t go making mountains out of molehills.”
• “I’m going to be okay. I’ve been through this before and I can get through this again.”
• “This isn’t terrible. Dropping an atom bomb is terrible. This is unpleasant but certainly not terrible. Don’t blow things out of proportion.”
• “Okay, things may not have gone well for me. I’ve known some hard times. No one can expect anything more of me than giving it my best shot.”
• “There are plenty of people out there who succeed who are not any smarter than me. Rather than dump on myself I need to figure out what I need to do to move ahead.”
• “My first step is to stop BS-ing myself into thinking I’m doomed to fail. That’s just an excuse for not trying.”
• “Nobody can predict the future. So what if I take some licks. I’d be no worse off than I am now.”
• “That’s just my negative self talking when I get this way. It’s not like it’s written in stone that I can’t get more out of life."

Taking control of your thinking involves challenging negative thoughts whenever and wherever they occur. Whenever you catch a negative thought, stop yourself right then and there. Jot down the negative thought in a diary or notebook. Then challenge the thought by talking back to yourself. You can get the ball rolling by practicing back talk—posing challenging countermands to your negative thoughts, as in these examples:

Challenge 1: Why must it be so?
Challenge 2: Who says it must be so?
Challenge 3: Is there any evidence that it must be so?
Challenge 4: Whose voice is talking in my head when I think this way? Whose words does it sound like?
Challenge 5: Is there any alternative way of viewing this situation?
Challenge 6: What rational thought can I substitute for this disturbing thought?

Through internal dialogues, you put negative and irrational beliefs on trial, challenging their validity and their hold over you. This internal Q & A helps you explore new ways of thinking and breaking free of the cycle of negative thinking that leads to troubling emotions

Bear in mind that negative styles of thinking become so deeply ingrained over time that it becomes hard to imagine any other way of looking at things. Changes can occur in a minute’s time but to have a lasting impact, they need to become a well-practiced habit. There is no such thing as a wrong emotion. We need to learn to read the signal and identify the underlying thoughts that trigger it. Then, we can work to stem the flow of negative emotions at tap.

 

[Lara_C]

Practice!

Becoming aware of dysfunctional thinking patterns is not sufficient by itself for change to occur. It must be combined with practice in substituting rational self-talk for distorted or irrational self-talk. You can change fear-inducing, depression-inducing and anger-inducing thoughts and self-statements into calming, confidence-enhancing self-statements

Controlling emotions can be likened to stemming the flow of water gushing out of a faucet. Trying to control emotions by fighting against them is like trying to push the water back into the faucet. The harder you fight against an emotion, the stronger the emotion is likely to become. Like turning off the flow of water off at the tap, controlling disturbing emotions involves identifying and changing the thought triggers, in effect turning off the emotional flow at the tap.

You first need to identify the controlling thoughts lurking in the recesses of your mind. Once you’ve nabbed an offending thought, turn it over from side to side to examine it. Does it make sense? Is it rational or distorted? What other thoughts can you practice to substitute for an offending thought? Does thinking differently lead you to feel differently?

Expect there will be a learning curve to put this into practice—to identify, challenge, and replace disruptive thoughts. The process is one of countering distorted negative thoughts with rational alternatives, of talking sense to yourself whenever and wherever disruptive thoughts occur. Troubling emotions are the residue of the excess meanings we impose on the events we experience, such as expecting a negative outcome is not merely a setback but an utter catastrophe. Your awareness of mental misperceptions can be put to use by taking control of your inner speech.

 

[Atreides]

Here's some thoughts that lead to good feelings:
* There's good people in the world.
* Happiness isn't as complicated as we make it.

 

[Lara_C]

Here's some thoughts that lead to good feelings:
* There's good people in the world.
* Happiness isn't as complicated as we make it.

You beat me to it!

 

[Ladybug19]

The following illustrates and explains the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy, confirmed as one of the most effective therapies for depression and anxiety.

Thank you @Clair for sharing this info. Even the intro helps me understand the following is what CBT is. I'm going to take 2 self-statements to counter my inner thoughts and start there.

 

[Lara_C]

You're welcome @Ladybug19. It's longer than I intended but oh well.

 

[Ladybug19]

You're welcome @Ladybug19. It's longer than I intended but oh well.

It's long but all is important. Posting it in sections helps. I didn't intentionally develop negative thoughts patterns, but I need to intentionally undo them. They are huge and I know I can't focus on all this, so I'll take one small piece. For someone else they might work on a different aspect addressed here. All of it is important to see the whole and to take what we need. Now to get started. Thanks again for caring. Enjoy your day, Clair!

 

[Lara_C]

It's long but all is important.

Thought I'd just add a quick summary to make if more bite-sized:

• We can’t be angry, fearful, or joyful in a thought vacuum. Scratch the surface of an emotion and you’ll find an underlying thought, perception, or judgment.
• Emotions are caused by our thinking selves, not by events themselves. Behind every disturbing emotional state lurks a triggering negative thought
• Becoming aware of dysfunctional thinking patterns is not sufficient by itself for change to occur. Taking control of our thinking involves challenging negative thoughts whenever they occur.
• We can change fear-inducing, depression-inducing and anger-inducing thoughts and self-statements into calming, confidence-enhancing self-statements
• The process is one of countering distorted negative thoughts with rational alternatives, of talking sense to ourselves.
• Expect there will be a learning curve to put this into practice

 

[Ladybug19]

Thought I'd just add a quick summary to make if more bite-sized:

• We can’t be angry, fearful, or joyful in a thought vacuum. Scratch the surface of an emotion and you’ll find an underlying thought, perception, or judgment.
• Emotions are caused by our thinking selves, not by events themselves. Behind every disturbing emotional state lurks a triggering negative thought
• Becoming aware of dysfunctional thinking patterns is not sufficient by itself for change to occur. Taking control of our thinking involves challenging negative thoughts whenever they occur.
• We can change fear-inducing, depression-inducing and anger-inducing thoughts and self-statements into calming, confidence-enhancing self-statements
• The process is one of countering distorted negative thoughts with rational alternatives, of talking sense to ourselves.
• Expect there will be a learning curve to put this into practice

You did an incredible job summarizing the info. I like both the first has the details of the info. The summary I can keep going back to as I try to process how this works.

I think I'm at a point where Im willing to work on making my inner life better rather then thinking I don't have control of that and this is something I can do and believe. The process can help.

I wrote 2 of the self statements down and wrote one I thought fit me. Today I consciously used them. I know this is one small piece in the process. To think I'll change my emotional state in its entirety triggers the negative thoughts. Ironic, huh? But maybe just maybe if I keep consciously start self talk it'll start changing. Do you believe it will?

 

[Lara_C]

I think I'm at a point where Im willing to work on making my inner life better rather then thinking I don't have control of that and this is something I can do and believe. The process can help.

Good on you for taking charge of your own health. I think learning these techniques is very empowering.

But maybe just maybe if I keep consciously start self talk it'll start changing. Do you believe it will?

I'm sure it will if you practice it consistently. It's really about replacing unhealthy habits with healthy ones. It actually builds new neural pathways in the brain, replacing the old unhealthy ones so we're actually consciously reprogramming our brains to work for us rather than against us.

If you're interested in taking it further, there are free online courses where you can learn the techniques step by step: FREE COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (Click to link)