Feeling alone

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by skyrose, May 4, 2012.

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  1. skyrose

    skyrose Member

    Been sitting here staring at a blank screen for a few minutes now. Wondering to myself why? What have I done to deserve the life i have? I can't find an answer sigh. My husband is gone at the moment to the store so I am alone here. The thing is even when he is here i feel alone. He is the only one i have in my life. One person that is all. I have no friends at all and my family has pushed me out of their lives. I am not saying that because it is how i feel, they really have pushed me out. I am not invited to any functions or family gatherings it is like i don't exist. Like today for example My kids had a concert out of town. I haven't seen my daughter in 2 years "not my choice at all" I really wanted to go. I wasn't allowed :( they didn't say no just didn't bother to come and get me. I have no car so can't go on my own. It's no wonder they have been able to convince her i don't want her or love her. My ex has managed to stop communication from me to her and wont let me visit, and rare times she is with my family no one will call me or come and get me. I don't know anymore. All I know I hurt and that seems to be the way everyone wants it. I just wish I had a friend. Someone who would come visit or call me. But that doesn't seem likely to happen. I sit in my apartment day after day in pain not only emotionally but physically. I don't even want to go outside anymore not even to get the mail. I don't want anyone to see me. My depression has gotten so bad i don't even have the energy to clean my house and I don't seem to care that it is a mess. I have nothing to look forward to each day but another day the same as the last. Every one wants to believe the lies about me even people that don't know me. To be judged for things you didn't do is awful. It's no wonder i don't want to go on sigh. I can't find a single reason to stay and it isn't just because of my depression although i know it is playing a large roll in it. I really want to find a reason, I want to live and be happy or at least content but when no one wants you and you are alone it is hard to do.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, you can certainly be my friend, if that's what you're looking for! :) Or at the very least, friendly (no pressure!).... I sure don't like to hear tales of families torn apart like yours..My great Aunt (in adjective alone) lost her one and only son/child, when she got a divorce. He was about ten when it happened. And his father initially turned him against her--though he was always a spoiled brat--as he grew up he could have one day reached out to her, or answered her efforts to make contact, and reconnect with him. My Heart breaks for you as it does her, for I know how much she loved(s) him, but it is like loving thin-air now... If there is anything within reason that you can do to prevent this from happening, I'd wholeheartedly encourage it, because the pain down the line is almost unimaginable and too much to bear. As my Aunt's lone nephew, I'm kind of like a distant copy of a foreign son to her, but still not really, any thing like the original.... It wreaks your life.. Maybe you can talk about these matters with your husband? See if he's got any good suggestions? I know you seem like a very good, decent person, and so I wish you much success moving ahead. Our depression doesn't want us to get better. Because then it has to go away! That's why we have to actively seek out solutions to the problems it places on our plates each and every day. When we get thoroughly stuck, this becomes much more difficult, but can be achieved through relative means, and taking it one small step at a time. Do you want to know why that's a common saying? Because it's so true! :) My Best To You (cool avatar: I've often wondered what they think about?)
     
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Hi Skyrose, I am here for you too, i would like to be your friend. i battle depression also maybe we can cheer each other up . feel free to PM me .
     
  4. skyrose

    skyrose Member

    HI ty both for responding to me. I would love to get to know you both and everyone else on the site as well :) . Well today was a little better than yesterday. Started out bad with my mother calling and trying "as usual" to turn my husband against me. She is very self centered and every time I try to talk with her about things she will turn it around to herself which is what happened yesterday when I tried to talk to her about how I felt being left out of my kids concert event. Which of course turned into an argument. So what does she do? instead of allowing it to drop she calls here while I was still sleeping this morning and tries telling my husband how Innocent she is and how I was being abusive to her. My husband of course knew the difference he heard the conversation being my arms hurt to much to hold the phone so it was on speaker. I am thankful to have him. I just hope I don't lose him like I have lost everything else in my life that matters to me. The day did get better though. I got to chat with my son :) he is 16 and knows I haven't done what I was accused of. I talked with him about not going to the concert and he told me that my mother told him I didn't want to go. I explained that I did and if I had my choice I would have been there. He understood. He also confirmed that my daughter does love me so that made me feel better. He is going to try and get her away from her father for a day so we can all spend some time together. :) that would be so wonderful. It is an awful thing that she is older than him but she is so under her fathers control that my son has to sneak her away sigh. wow i didn't mean to talk so much. sorry about that but ty so much for listening.
     
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