Been sitting here staring at a blank screen for a few minutes now. Wondering to myself why? What have I done to deserve the life i have? I can't find an answer sigh. My husband is gone at the moment to the store so I am alone here. The thing is even when he is here i feel alone. He is the only one i have in my life. One person that is all. I have no friends at all and my family has pushed me out of their lives. I am not saying that because it is how i feel, they really have pushed me out. I am not invited to any functions or family gatherings it is like i don't exist. Like today for example My kids had a concert out of town. I haven't seen my daughter in 2 years "not my choice at all" I really wanted to go. I wasn't allowed they didn't say no just didn't bother to come and get me. I have no car so can't go on my own. It's no wonder they have been able to convince her i don't want her or love her. My ex has managed to stop communication from me to her and wont let me visit, and rare times she is with my family no one will call me or come and get me. I don't know anymore. All I know I hurt and that seems to be the way everyone wants it. I just wish I had a friend. Someone who would come visit or call me. But that doesn't seem likely to happen. I sit in my apartment day after day in pain not only emotionally but physically. I don't even want to go outside anymore not even to get the mail. I don't want anyone to see me. My depression has gotten so bad i don't even have the energy to clean my house and I don't seem to care that it is a mess. I have nothing to look forward to each day but another day the same as the last. Every one wants to believe the lies about me even people that don't know me. To be judged for things you didn't do is awful. It's no wonder i don't want to go on sigh. I can't find a single reason to stay and it isn't just because of my depression although i know it is playing a large roll in it. I really want to find a reason, I want to live and be happy or at least content but when no one wants you and you are alone it is hard to do.